Forever in Her service

Pills

2011-12-20T07:27:00.002-07:00

Some days, I hate them. It has been more than a month since I last came, not since a day or two after my birthday. I was in my belt for a little more than two weeks and while it was fine (and occasionally even fun) I eventually asked to be let out to give things a rest. Since then, my libido has been so hard to catch and hold on to, it is extremely frustrating (to say the least).

Yesterday I was feeling it for a good long while and was careful not to do anything to ruin it - I absolutely try to save those times for my wife now, belt or not. But then it, too faded. We just cuddled last night (don't misunderstand, the cuddling was super nice). This morning, a little spark so I tried to fan the flames to give me something to hold on to... Reading a story, right in the middle of it, my body was just done. No climax, I was still totally into the story mentally but my erection faded well before I finished reading.

I know, as in all things, that this state is temporary. In March I have an appointment to discuss weaning myself off the pills and because of this side effect I cannot wait... But I am seriously getting to the point where I may just call my doc and ask what we can do about this side effect in the mean time, because I am not sure I can wait four months plus however long it takes for the pills to wear off.

Thoughts

2011-11-27T21:24:00.000-07:00

Just a few random, relatively disconnected thoughts this Sunday evening... It's been an interesting one for me.

Come tomorrow morning, I will have been locked up for a full 7 days with only two breaks - the first on Monday evening for about an hour when I had pinched some tender bits and they needed to breathe (this was while I still had the key and could unlock at will, but I locked back up as soon as things were feeling better). The second break was last night, for cleaning, where I was unlocked right before my shower and then locked back in as soon as I got out.

Just thinking about that makes me smile. Compared to this time last year, the fact that I have worn my belt for a week and my wife not only knows about it but wills it makes me feel great and see that things are much, much better than they were.

Then comes tonight. A night out with a buddy of mine, the two of us going to watch a few classic movies for free thanks to a local podcast. During the second movie, some inconsequential thing in the movie brought my thoughts to my collar, and despite how good things have been made me a little sad. I don't remember the last time I wore it. I only have the vaguest sense memory of how it feels around my neck, how subby it makes me feel and how much I miss it... And bondage in general, but I think the collar is such a visible and powerful portion of it that I tend to focus on it most of all.

I know it will come and I don't want to change the way things are now... But it's hard to not look back and say, "Why can't things just be like that again?"

Waking up locked up

2011-11-24T09:22:00.001-07:00

Waking up with my belt on is still a foreign sensation. My first instinct on being aware of this... thing weighing down part of my body is to grab it and pull it away, to free myself from the encumbrance of it. When my fingers are met by surprisingly warm stainless steel, however, it makes me smile knowing that it may have been put on there voluntarily but removing it is no longer my choice.

My last post about my belt where I locked up with the idea of using the combination lock and then switched to the regular lock is somewhat similar to the current situation. After that one, I stayed in for three or four days and then asked to be unlocked because of some work that was going to have me moving computers around as well as getting up into a ceiling running wires. But those few days had the same sensation of waking up with something strange in between my legs followed by me smiling when I realized what it was and that it was not entirely up to me when it would be removed.

After my hot (hot hot hot) birthday sex, again I had a diminished libido for a few days. On Monday, I woke up as horny as I had ever been and while it is technically okay for me to take the problem in hand (so to speak) I decided instead to hold on to that, to lock myself up, and to share that sense of desire with my wife. Not much happened on Monday because she started feeling ill that night but Tuesday morning she was feeling better. The day was filled with me kissing her, caressing her hair, neck, body and even breasts because by that point I wanted her desperately. Tuesday night in bed was playtime... For her anyway. A few orgasms by my hand, one by the glass dildo fucking her and at least one (they kind of blended together so it was hard to tell if it was one or several!) by a bullet vibe... all while I was locked away, my member hard as it could be against unforgiving stainless steel.

Yesterday morning she asked me for the key. Up until that point the lockup had been entirely self imposed and up to me when it came off... Now the key is in her hand, the belt stays on until she decides to allow otherwise, and waking up with that tangible reminder makes me feel all warm and melts inside... Not to mention makes me want to roll over and ravish her in bed, stroking, kissing, cuddling and rubbing whatever I can to show her just how thankful I am to have her and that she is still playing to this fantasy years after I asked her to start. Speaking of, if you'll excuse me...

Happy Birthday To Me!

2011-11-09T14:50:00.002-07:00

Just a quick one, things at home are still good, not in chastity 24/7 but I did stay in it for the whole week last time. Right now the focus is on being and staying close, and what kink comes is minor, but fun and heartfelt. And you would think today was my ninth birthday, not my twenty-ninth, since most of what I got was Legos... but that's because at heart, I'm still a kid and the difference is now I am reveling in it :)

Starting a New Game

2011-10-25T09:47:00.003-06:00

The last week has been great, despite being very busy with work (as we come toward the end of the year, clients who have some money in reserve are spending like crazy for the tax writeoff which is a mixed blessing), I am doing very well. Even with very limited time together, my wife and I have been cuddling and teasing and just generally enjoying the time we do have together.

This morning, I finally decided to ask my wife about an idea I'd been kicking around in my head for a while. I want to wear my belt (of course, I had to get past this project where I was running cables and had to be able to easily get up, down and crawl around) but I don't want to expect things to go back to where they were two years ago. We bought a three-digit combination lock a while back and so this morning I asked her if she would set a custom combination -- with full disclosure as to what it was for -- so that I could give up control without making it entirely dependent on her. She agreed. So I will be locking up and my release will be (almost) entirely dependent on hard I try any of the thousand combination possibilities.

UPDATE: So despite being a fun idea in theory, it turns out our combination lock is REALLY cheap and as I was trying out combinations I could feel it slipping through the tumblers. So I opted to put on a regular lock (because what fun is being belted for only half an hour?) after which my wife demanded the key. I like this turn of events :)

If you want to be different

2011-10-18T07:44:00.002-06:00

While I'm not entirely sure it can be attributed there, I first heard the saying that's been stuck in my head the last week on Scrubs. "If you want to be different, be different," it goes. This weekend was my attempt to embody that.

I've made no secret of what my meds do to my libido - what little is left requires a lot of effort to hold on to and it tends to be easier to forget that we humans are sexual creatures than make the effort, which ends up leaving a month or more in between intimate encounters with my wife. It's not an intentional thing, it's just something that tends to not occur to me.

A few weeks ago, I realized how much that might be hurting her and determined to make things different. Whether I feel that desperation to hold her close or not, I make the effort to pull her to me and kiss her. Even if I don't yearn to be close, I still cuddle up and run my fingers along her side before going to sleep. The great part that I am finding out is that even if I don't feel these things beforehand, turning her on has the great side effect of turning me on.

This weekend in particular, we were both pretty frisky. We made love early on in the weekend and rather than letting that sate me, I made sure to continue showering her with affection.

On Sunday morning, I had a particularly rough start -- up late on Saturday then woken up early by a problem at work. Three hours later, the fire, as it were, was put out but I was still in a bit of a mood. My wife took me by the hand, led me downstairs and ordered me into bed -- saying that we were going to start over. And what a starting over! While she had only intended cuddling, she opted to show me her recently-shaven pussy and that was just too irresistible for me. Just looking turned quickly to fingers and tongue turned quickly to full on penetration, her legs wrapped around me in ecstasy.

Yesterday, as work kept stacking up (the way it always does on Mondays), I decided to take a break and go get in the shower. While getting ready, my eyes scanned across the shelf in the bathroom where my belt sat and I just stared for a minute, then decided to go for it. After my shower I was quickly secured in the Steelheart, and its presence all day left me thinking about my wife... and eventually de-stressing by looking at some adult materials. I decided not to say anything to my wife about the belt, but as we were in bed cuddling and kissing, her fingers wandered down and she smiled when they were met with warm stainless steel. "Well, that explains a lot!" she said.

This of course led to me getting her off again, with my fingers and her bullet vibe, followed by more cuddling and kissing. As we drifted off to sleep, I couldn't help but smile, feeling as close to her as I do today is great.

While the belt will have to come off later today for some work I'm going to be doing, I think I'm going to be less hesitant about putting it back on in the future, even if she's not in control of the key it's still fun to let my desires build and boil rather than sitting at room temperature. (Sorry about the cooking metaphor, I'm writing this in the kitchen!)

So. Things are definitely going better -- my effort to change from the outside in is, for now at least, a success.

Scene

2011-09-18T08:40:00.001-06:00

I woke up this morning with a scene in my head. It's something that has been happening occasionally but rarely goes beyond that. Still, this one has me going for now so I thought I would share it.

It starts out with me tied up to the bed, arms and legs stretched out to the posts and me almost immobile. She teases me for a while, runs her fingers along my body, stopping just short of tickling but hinting at my helplessness all the same. She runs her fingernails along my side, scratches my chest ever so slightly, circles but never quite touches my member, standing stiffly at attention with my metal cock ring circling the base.

She reaches for her end table where my weighted nipple clamps sit. Grinning evilly, she applies first one, then, satisfied by my moan, the other. She teasingly lifts the weight, tugging my nipples slightly as she pulls it up, then to one side and the other, reveling in my reaction to her movements.

She sets the weight down on the side of my chest, leaving the clamps to pull constantly on one side while she grabs a bottle of lube from the table next to the bed.

She laughs as I jump when the cool gel touches my hot member. Slowly she starts stroking, spreading the lube up and down my shaft. At this point I am desperate to cum and start thrusting my hips, trying to meet her strokes to get just a little more sensation out of each one. I start thrusting faster, and she starts stroking faster, and as I can feel that sensation building within me, she suddenly pulls her hand away leaving me pumping my hips wildly into the air. I whimper and she just laughs.

We repeat this a few times, admittedly taking less and less time for me to build up to the edge but her always laughing as she pulls away and watches me try so hard to get over the edge.

After several frustrating cycles, she reaches over to her table and pulls out her bullet vibe and, to my surprise, a condom. She sets the tiny but surprisingly powerful vibrator tip on my now-leaking cock head, then carefully slides the condom over it to hold it in place. Grinning as she lowers her pussy onto my shaft, she pushes the button to turn the vibrator on. The waves of pleasure it sends out sets me bucking my hips and fucking her with my member-turned-dildo as fast as I can. Between her moans, the vibration on my cock, my nipple chain pulling as I desperately fuck her and how on edge I am, it doesn't take long before I feel my orgasm building and I give into it this time, thrusting into her with all my might as I start filling the condom. The continuous vibrations seem to stretch the feeling out and it feels like buckets spilling out of me.

Eventually it stops and she slowly slides off of my lube and cum soaked member. She slides the condom off and removes the vibrator, using it to finish herself off and leaving me to watch her moan and writhe in pleasure.

2011-08-24T07:54:00.002-06:00

I feel like I need to update but I don't have a whole lot to say. Things are getting better, as I knew they would with time. Pills are taking effect and I've even got a hint of libido which has allowed for some intimacy in the last week (although my wife has not been feeling well the past few days unfortunately). All in all I'm doing well and we are feeling close.

I realized this week that it's been nearly a year since the belt came off. That realization made me a little sad.

Two Months Later

2011-07-06T10:31:00.003-06:00

It feels strange to be posting here, but I don't want to forget about this all either. My own depression has been an interesting battle which is currently being fought by medication and therapy and I tend to cycle back and forth between being grateful for the medication and wishing I could just flush it all down the toilet and say fuck it. There are two specific side effects that make it harder to stick with it, but I am committed to waiting until my therapist advises otherwise to stay on the pills.

The first is my libido -- as with many antidepressants, these suppress my libido pretty heavily. I find myself thinking about sex a lot less and even when I do it doesn't feel the same. Related to this, as my wife and I were making love just last week, I found that I could not climax -- no matter the position, while it felt good and I stayed hard, every stroke felt like the first one. There was no buildup. It was frustrating, to say the least, and while I think I handled it well the fact that it happened still bothers me.

Second is my writing. For lack of a better way to describe it, the voice is gone. I think the only reason that I'm writing this today is because I forgot my pill yesterday and felt a little bit of that voice last night and I didn't want to waste the opportunity. That's not to say that I don't think, or feel, or run things over in my mind, but it's all... different. It's a very difficult thing to explain but for someone who writing has had such a large impact on their life, losing that voice is very difficult for me.

As to my wife and I, we are actually doing pretty well. We communicate again. We understand that neither of us can read the other's mind. We go on dates. We can be intimate. The D/s... play... that can all come later. For now, we are just enjoying each other again.

(That's not to say the kink is nowhere on my mind... along with having the voice back, I've got a touch of libido and decided today to wear my belt for the first time in months. Mostly just to remember the weight of it and how it feels to try and get hard with no choice but to not. Given how long it's been though, I doubt that I will keep it on all day, let alone overnight.)

UPDATE: I'm kinda glad I took my belt off before I went out tonight... my friend and I had passes to an advance screening of The Zookeeper and before going in to the theatre, the studio had people checking for cameras with metal detectors. And I had on the Steelheart earlier. So glad I thought to take it off before going, that could have been embarrassing in front of my kids!

Another Update

2011-05-09T08:02:00.002-06:00

The last month (ish) has been a long one. With the help of my wife, I realized I was more than just down or having a hard time coping with everything, I was in the grips of a depression the likes of which I haven't seen since high school when it was trendy to be depressed. I've started counseling to help with that and frankly I still have more down days than up. Which is why I've been stretching longer and longer in between updates, so my apologies for that. And for the brevity of this post, writing doesn't come easy to me when I'd rather just be in bed.

My Previoust Post

2011-03-24T23:17:00.002-06:00

Wow. nothing like looking at what you wrote while in a dark place to see just how deep you were. And that was me censoring myself pretty heavily!

In short, the week I wrote that was particularly hellish: on top of work being a gigantic source of stress where I felt like even if I worked 120 hours a week I couldn't catch up, my wife and I were particularly distant because of some of my recent actions, and a close friend was in the hospital on suicide watch (after I had him committed). So I hope that gives a snapshot of where my head was at when I wrote that post.

Things are definitely improved over the last post. My wife and I are working through our issues, the monstrous, soul-sucking project I've been on at work is finally showing some light at the end of the tunnel and my friend is out of the hospital and starting to take some positive steps in his life.

So there we have it -- not much, but at least a slightly more upbeat update and positive pontification (and please forgive the literary nerdery it's extremely late and I find the dumbest things funny at this ungodly hour).

Monthly Update

2011-03-10T20:57:00.003-07:00

This month's update will probably be even briefer than the last, mostly because I don't know what to say about so much of what's happened the last month. The last week... hell even today has been a roller coaster for me. Life will slow down some day, and I know it will be soon.

Update

2011-02-07T10:34:00.003-07:00

Just a quick update, given how long it's been. Things are getting much better on a personal level between my wife and I. We are connecting more, talking more, being close more. The day-to-day has definitely improved over this past fall.

I've been going back and forth on what to do with this blog -- kink is all but completely off with us, it's one more stress that neither one of us needs right now so the whole reason I started this blog is gone, for now at least. While I miss the kink, it's not what defined our relationship so it's not something that's going to come between us... on the other hand, I don't want this to become another kinky blog graveyard (like so many on my links list), updated infrequently at best, so I'm trying to make a choice whether to continue this as a blog about us or to leave it as is and come back to it when (or, honestly, if) we come back to this.

New Years

2011-01-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

I've given in to the urge to write a cheesy New Year's post, so forgive my lack of creativity there. Also, I felt it was time for an update, given that it has been more than a month.

It's easy to look back at the last couple of months and just want to say "Good Riddance" to 2010. That wouldn't be fair, however, to all the things that have happened this year. Despite the difficulties of the past few months, the last year was, on balance, good to me. I got to experience a lot of new things that I may never get to again and I have learned a lot about myself in this journey that I might not have had things gone a different way.

As for the last third of this year, well, it's hard to look back and try to be positive. Rather than make this post a big whine, let me just say that it has been a rough several months, made worse by factors outside my control that I still wish I could change.

There have been times lately I wish that I had a time machine and could go back to last May, explain a few things to myself and maybe let things work out a bit differently... But then I would have missed out on many of those treasured memories I mention above.

In short, it's hard to say what I want for 2011 besides a vague and useless wish of "I want things to be better." I know that most of that depends on me, so while I'll keep my specific resolutions to myself... I know that I have to be better for the year to be better. I hope this new year finds you all happy and healthy, and the best to all of you.

Product Review: Weighted Nipple Clamps

2010-11-21T08:00:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago, I received an e-mail from a company working to promote TheirToys.com Adult Toys. They wanted to send me a product to review on my blog. This posting is the result of the ensuing e-mail exchange.

Before I start, I want to make sure it's clear that I did receive my Weighted Nipple Clamps for free. That said, I haven't gotten any other compensation, and I've tried to be as unbiased as possible in this review.

I've often looked at Clamps similar to these. However, I've never given any serious thought to buying them. Firstly, up until recently I had a pair of clamps that worked fairly well (although they were not connected and I've always liked the idea of having a set with a chain). Second, just going by the picture, the weight looks like nothing, or at the very least not much.

When I got the box I still wasn't thinking much of the weight of it until I opened up and went to lift up the plastic case. I was shocked at how heavy it felt. I'm a terrible judge of weight but it feels significant when you pick them up. Opening up the box and examining the product itself, I was glad to find that the chain seemed to be very sturdy (the only exception being the tiny ring connecting the clamps' chain to the weight chain) and that the weight was removable if you wanted to use it instead for some nipple-leash play. The clamps do include a screw to adjust the amount of pressure on your nipples, but in an attempt at false bravery I completely removed the screws before putting the clamps on -- I wanted to feel the full effect from the get-go.

While I may not be greatly experienced, neither am I new to nipple play and these are certainly not for newbies at full strength -- the screws to adjust the amount of pinching is a great idea. For someone with more sensitive nipples or someone a tad less masochistic than I, loosening the grip is almost a must! The weight dangling from between your nipples, swinging freely in the air adds an interesting change to the feeling of straight nipple clamps or even clothes pins, which are pretty steady.

Immediately my deviant little mind went into all sorts of fantasies about what situations these could be used in... bound in my closet and blindfolded, my wife popping in every once in a while just to make sure the weight was still swinging... or on all fours on the bed, my wife pounding my ass from behind as the weight swing with her movements... I can see these getting a lot of play down the road!

To summarize:

Pros - sturdy construction, interesting twist on regular nipple clamps or clothes pins, the weight is removable (meaning you could put on a smaller weight... or larger!), the clamps are adjustable for those with more sensitive nipples (or for those who wish to try these in more sensitive areas!)

Cons - The rings holding the clamps to the main chain and the weight to the main chain seem like a strong enough pull would bend them open... but it seems more likely the clamps would be ripped off your tender flesh before those rings bent open! If they did, a pair of pliers should be enough to bend them back together. Someone with the right tools could probably weld them together as well.

Overall, it's a great item and I will certainly give TheirToys.com a second look the next time I'm in the market for Bondage Toys.

(Again, I did receive the product for free but got no other compensation for this review and after trying them out I would gladly have paid the sixteen bucks listed on the site for them!)

Progress?

2010-11-20T09:08:00.003-07:00

My mind has been racing since 1:00 AM, just after my wife and I got home from a movie. Our first date in months. To be honest, the first time I put forth the effort to show her I still love her and still want to be with her in months. It's been a long road to get to this point.

Back in mid-October, my Steelheart finally got back. We had sent it in to get a larger ring made for it, so that it would be more comfortable. Toward the end of the month, I decided to wear it, for me, to see if I could do it -- could I sleep in it? How would it feel? What emotions would it cause if I did it for me, and me alone?

I wore it for a whole week, waiting for the time that my wife would notice and asking why I was belted and expecting her surprise at which belt I was wearing. Originally my plan had been to wear it for two weeks -- that would have taken me to my birthday. Instead, after a week I had a particularly bad day and gave up on the idea and removed it. Still, the concept had been proven -- if things got back to the point that I was going to be belted full-time again, the Steelheart was not only smaller, slimmer and sexier than my Curve but ultimately more comfortable. And very possible to wear long-term.

Yesterday, my review product from Theirtoys.com arrived. My wife had been planning to go out with friends, so I intended to play with it and write up my review while she was out. In an effort to make the play a little more fun, I locked myself up in the Steelheart halfway through the day and pocketed the key. After my wife's plans to go out fell through, I changed my plans and took her out to the new Harry Potter movie, and we genuinely had a good time. I felt much closer to her after making the effort, sitting close and holding her hand.

On getting home, still wearing my belt, I made a decision. I was going to tell her about it. I walked over to her, standing by the bed, and kissed her, deeply. I told her how I loved her, and then I said, "So, can I show you something I'm not entirely sure you don't know about?"

She looked a little confused, but nodded slightly. Unzipping my pants, I pulled my belted member out. "When did you get that back??" she asked.

"About a month ago... and it's much better. I wore it for a whole week a little while back."

"I had no idea..." she said.

My member straining against its metal prison, I handed her the key. "Would you unlock me please?"

She reached down and opened the tiny lock, although with the strength it holds the steel parts together it may as well have been Fort Knox. As I reached down to work the hasp out of the locking pin, I was surprised to see her slip the key into her pocket.

No asking. No hesitation. She took the key as if we had been back at that place for months. My mind running at hundreds of miles an hour, I got ready for bed as well and laid next to her, cuddling her while trying to disguise my hard-on. As she drifted off to sleep, there was no slowing my thoughts so I got up and tried to play a game on the computer for a little while before returning to bed.

It was shortly after 2:30 AM that I finally came to bed. And still, this morning, I'm trying to ask myself... what does it mean? What is she thinking? Where do we stand now? I know that these are questions she and I will need to talk about... but until we get that chance, my thoughts will continue to race in circles.

And A Present To Boot

2010-11-11T09:41:00.003-07:00

A few weeks ago, I got an e-mail from an online toys retailer (Their Toys) asking if I would consider reviewing a product on my blog. I've been going back and forth in emails with them, been doing some research and finally decided to go for it. I've found a few other blogs that have reviewed products for them and I have even found other references to them and the marketing company organizing the campaign so this morning I sent off my address... we'll see if anything comes through or if it just increases the amount of junk mail I get.

Incidentally, you know you're a nerd when you start going through your physical mail and you think spam instead of junk mail when you come across a credit card offer or home refinancing deal!

Anyway, I knew about it before my birthday and won't receive it for some days yet but still, the timing is pretty good I think!

Happy Birthday To Me!

2010-11-09T21:09:00.003-07:00

Just a quick post, the day to day hasn't changed much but I wanted to mark the first anniversary of my 27th birthday (nerdy, I know) on here as well. It has been a good day and I'm hoping that 28 treats me much better than 27 did.

That's not to say that I would take back this year... because I wouldn't. There are things that I would change, specifically around the way that my relationship with S ended, but for the most part I value all of the experiences of the last 12 months.

Baby Steps

2010-10-16T14:29:00.002-06:00

We had a good night on Thursday. It was pretty simple but we enjoyed ourselves. We usually have a class together on Thursday nights but the schools were closed for their annual union meeting so we had the babysitter come over anyway and went out to dinner. After dinner we went and did some Christmas shopping (thank you layaway) and generally had a relaxed night together where we talked. Not much serious about it but that was okay.

Since then I've been feeling a little better although I haven't actually locked up since Thursday -- that initial boost I got on Wednesday morning came back to me that night as more frustration and kind of backfired. I tried it again Thursday and had unlocked myself by the afternoon. While the little bit of sexual buildup did help motivate me to get some things done around the house, it didn't make me feel any better in general.

Tonight I'm off to a bachelor party... I'm probably the only guy in his mid-20s who hears bachelor party and tries to think of ways to get out of it... but since I'm the best man (thankfully, he didn't ask me to plan the party, knowing I'm not really that kind of guy) there's really no avoiding it. So I'm doing my best to put on a good face and let loose a little (despite the fact that I don't drink, don't enjoy karaoke and don't enjoy anything about going to clubs) for my friend tonight... who knows, maybe I will enjoy myself.

A Matter of Perspective

2010-10-13T11:02:00.003-06:00

It's been a rough couple of months, and times aren't getting any better on their own, for sure. I still feel very much alone day-to-day and that's driving me into a depression spiral that's not good for anybody.

Still, my wife is having a harder time so I'm trying to brush aside my own issues and be there for her as much as possible. The biggest frustration for me is that my sex drive doesn't seem to track with how I'm feeling -- the last few days I have been ridiculously horny and trying not to bother her with my sexuality.

One of the most paradoxical things is I find that I'm usually masturbating to chastity porn. Remembering the last few years and looking at pictures or stories of what I had so recently still gets me extremely hot. So I decided to take things into my own hands (as it were) and I am locked up. It is somewhat less satisfying to hold my own key, but it reminds me of what we had, the connection that was there, and it lets me take some of that pent-up sexual energy and redirect it into helping out with the kids or the house rather than holing up in my depression and cutting myself off from the world.

It's not easy, but I know it will get easier. I just need to take things one day at a time.

The Life of a Vanilla Slave

2010-09-26T21:59:00.003-06:00

It's hard to describe myself as anything other than a vanilla slave right now. A contradiction in terms, to be sure, but the short of it is that I still try to take care of my wife as much as I can, I try to help her out as much as possible but it's a bit like running in sand and not knowing which way to go -- if I'm getting anywhere, it's slowly.

The day-to-day is mostly stressful, and a bit lonely. Work, kids, money, cleaning, roommates... stress is in ready supply and it's been driving me more and more into myself, the introvert that lives inside of me is in full swing and it's hard to make myself get out of my shell at all; a vicious cycle which I haven't been in for years. I want to be alone which makes me lonely which makes me depressed which makes me want to be alone which makes me lonely... and so on.

I apologize, this post was much shorter than I had intended. I started to write and realized that the things that were coming out were things I should talk to my wife about, rather than just air out publicly here. I am still here, I have not fallen off the face of the Earth, and I know I want things to be different than they are now... I just need to find the magic wand I can wave to make it all better!

Revisionist History

2010-08-31T07:57:00.002-06:00

As you may have noticed, my historical posts, especially in June, got suddenly shorter. S has requested that I remove all posts involving her and I, so that has been done. It was merely to respect her wishes that I removed them, and trust me when I say I hated doing it. Still, I have to honor that request from her.

On to day two of vanillahood....

Day One

2010-08-30T21:25:00.003-06:00

I know, I said posts would probably be slow. I'm sure they will be, I just have a lot on my mind right now.

Today was an interesting day. Strange for me, but interesting. Free to do whatever. Whenever. No asking for permission for anything (although I did try to keep my wife informed as to what I was doing at the very least). No waiting as long as possible before I ask to go to the bathroom so I don't feel like I'm bothering her.

That's not to say I didn't do anything around the house. In fact, as far as domestics were concerned this could have been any day during our D/s. I did the laundry -- ours, the baby's and our oldest. Washed, dried, folded and put away (although I asked for help on the folding and putting away for the kids). Dishes were done. Bed got made.

Just because I don't have do to these things any more, doesn't mean I don't want to. She told me that if we took a break, she worried that I wouldn't help out around the house anymore. That I wouldn't try to make her days easier. And that I wouldn't make her feel special. I like to think that I did all of those things before the D/s, and I reassured her that she will always be my Princess -- the end of the D/s doesn't mean I turn into a lazy selfish slob who refuses to lift a finger around the house after getting off work.

So a different day. I felt a little out of sorts all day today, I'm sure it will take a while to get used to my new freedom. No belt today (I've actually been out since mid last week), but even stranger no cock ring. When I showered, I was truly naked for the first time in years.

I have to admit, I didn't really like that.

The Times They Are A-Changin'

2010-08-29T22:55:00.004-06:00

It's hard to say how I'm feeling right now. It's been a rough ride of ups and downs and hard, hard conversations over the last month. Other than a few high points such as were hilighted in my last two posts, our D/s relationship has been all but on hold. After a particularly tough end-of-week, that has changed -- now, rather than just letting the D/s take a back seat, we have agreed to take a break from it.

I'm not sure how to feel about that. It was my idea, suggested a few weeks ago. There are many reasons for it and we both agree that it is only a temporary hiatus until some other things that are happening right now settle down. Still, it was strange for me to get up from bed this evening and go use the bathroom without so much as saying a word to her about it. It will take some getting used to, to say the least. Right after we had decided to make the change (minutes later in fact, we were still talking about it), I asked her if I could stop and get me a Dr. Pepper. So she will try to be understanding when I forget and let the last two and a half years of habits through, and hopefully taking the stress and expectations of the D/s out will help with other things that are going on.

As for the blog, I'll be keeping it up. I still plan to post but most likely on the sort of schedule that I have the last few months - on more of a weekly scale than daily... and hopefully in a few months we will see things changing back, recharged and renewed.

Little Things

2010-08-10T22:57:00.004-06:00

It has often been said that in any relationship, the little things mean a lot more than anybody realizes. This week we had our first weekly review in a long time and while it was pretty standard, what happened today came a bit by surprise.

Toward the end of my work day today, this IM popped up from my wife:

B: I remembered something I was going to bring up during your review on Sunday...
P: ok
B: I want you to starts asking me different ways if you can use the bathroom. It takes no effort on your part right now because you have that auto-text thing going on. :)
P: lol k, I'll delete the auto text and start trying to mix it up a bit.
B: Thank you

That was all. A simple change to the day-to-day bathroom control (which has been going really well, even during the last little while it never stopped and she has been having a lot more fun with it lately), but it is incredibly hot for two reasons. One, she is tightening the screws a little bit, making me work harder, and I'm in a place where that just feels really good. Two is that it was her idea. Completely unprompted by me and entirely unexpected. So now instead of taking half a second and a few clicks on my phone to ask permission to use the bathroom, I have to think of a different way to phrase it and have to type the request out every time.

So an insignificant thing... but it hits me as very significant and powerful, and I feel very much loved and dominated as a result. Thank you Princess.

Good Morning

2010-08-09T09:25:00.002-06:00

Eyes still foggy, my head in a haze of "what's going on," the first thing I was conscious of this morning was my wife's arm around my chest. And how close she was. I lay there for a moment, enjoying the closeness. As the sleep drifted away from my brain and my surroundings came a little more into focus, I realized that it was light outside, Must be close to time to wake up,. I thought. Then I realized her hand was moving, her arm was moving, she was running her hand through my chest hair and to my... nipple?

The sleep faded very quickly from there -- her fingers slowly traced around my nipple, then stopped, surrounding it, then... "Mmmmmm..." a low moan escaped my lips as she pinched. Her hand wandered down to my cock, stirring in its prison, playing with my balls and the base of the shaft. A few more times back and forth and then I rolled over, facing her. "Good morning," I mumbled. She just grinned evilly back at me.

I rolled all the way over and started letting my fingers explore her exposed breasts, finding her nipples and teasing momentarily before bringing my lips to one of them and kissing. Her moan, in response, was music to my ears. I focused on her breasts for a few minutes before letting my hand wander down to her panties, sneaking beneath the band and finding her wet pussy. I played there for a minute, enjoying the symphony of moans and the ballet of her arching her back and scratching mine. She pulled my head close as she whispered, almost desperately, "I want you to lick my pussy."

Not one to turn down a delicious breakfast, I hurried to help her remove her panties and set to work, my tongue in between her legs in long, slow strokes. More moans and more pleasure as my member strained to break its cage. I slid first one finger, then a second into her eager cleft, drawing from her a gasp and then more moans as my fingers massaged inside while I reveled in the taste of her outside. Breathless, she told me to go and get her Endless Pleasure and a bullet. I did so, withdrawing my fingers after a final taste of her juices and getting up from the bed.

I fetched the requested items from the toy closet, brought them back to the bed and wasted no time in sliding the dildo into her. I thrust it in and out of her with my hand for a few seconds before turning it on and letting it do it's job, although I'm not sure she noticed -- my wife was already deep in the throes of pleasure while being fucked by this silicone member. I took my time, changing settings on the vibrator and enjoying her reactions as I continued to fuck her with it, bringing her quickly to orgasm.

I turned it off and laid there next to her, my fingers wandering up and down her naked body. Slowly they found their way to her pussy where I found she was still quite wet. I slipped them in between the folds and slowly played with her clit, letting her enjoy the sensation of my fingers on the outside and a cock on the inside. Before long, she was bucking against my fingers, moaning, and close to another orgasm. Leaning into her and kissing her neck, I moved my fingers faster and more rhythmically, sending her into another climax.

She pulled the dildo out of her pussy and we laid on the bed together, quiet for a moment. Sensing that she wasn't quite done yet, however, my fingers were soon playing with her pussy again, warming it up, as it were, for the finale. Without her saying a word to me, I grabbed the bullet and set it against her clit, starting it out on the lowest setting but loving the "Oh FUCK!" she let slip when I turned it up to the highest, her whole body was suddenly focused on getting off again. Arching her back, trying her best to get it right where she wanted it, my fingers holding the vibrating orb just off of her clit so she got the most pleasure from it, her last orgasm of the morning overtook her in a breathless scream, her eyes screwed shut and mouth wide open as she tensed every muscle in her body, bracing for the coming climax.

A few minutes later, cuddling on the bed, she said to me, "Isn't it too bad you're locked up? That your cock just had to stay in its little cage?"

I could only moan in response as the throbbing in my groin felt certain to break my belt at the seam.

[This is how I was woken up this morning and I loved it. If every Monday could start out this way, there would be a lot fewer Monday haters out there! I know it's been a few weeks since I posted, it has been a rocky road to this point and I haven't felt up to posting but today was so good it deserved something. Accept my apologies and try to enjoy my morning as much as I did!]

Playing With My New Toy

2010-07-17T21:48:00.002-06:00

In the post My New Toy, I shared with you all that I got a new dildo gag. I wish I had the time to write up a long post about the play that went along with it, but we are taking a brief break from packing for our vacation so I just wanted to share a few quick thoughts.

My one complaint about the gag is the buckle -- it uses 2 D-rings for attaching the strap which makes it a bit harder to get on. Thankfully, it's a lot more secure than I had feared when looking at the picture and it does hold pretty well. The end going into my mouth was a lot shorter than I had envisioned, but it is still very clearly a cock in my mouth and that is at the same time hot and humiliating.

We tried it in a few positions -- one with her on the bed and me kneeling in front of it which seemed to work pretty well, another where I laid on the bed and she lowered herself onto me. While that one was a hot position, having her riding the dildo over my face, it didn't seem to work particularly well and it was easy for her to cut off all my air. Fun for a minute but hard to do.

In the end, she said that she doesn't LOVE the new toy but it was good and we will definitely use it some more. It's already been packed in the "naughty bag" for our Vegas trip this week and hopefully I'll have all sorts of hot stories to tell coming out of that one!

My New Toy

2010-07-14T13:57:00.004-06:00

Way back when it was still frigid outside, I made a commitment to lose weight. Not the flimsy, New Years, I'm-going-to-resolve-to-lose-weight-because-it's-the-popular-thing-to-resolve commitment. I'd been wanting to for a while, and having at it somewhat haphazardly for three months, but on February 1 I decided I had no more excuses.

I started working out every weekday morning, before work, on our Wii Fit. Jumping up, running around in place, stretching, pushing up, whatever workouts struck my fancy on the given day, I determined to do it.

And kept it up. And up. Back in May, feeling a bit frustrated at the apparent lack of progress, I looked over my workout history, and found that since my first weigh-in on the Wii Fit, I had lost 15 pounds.

Newly invigorated, I have continued, and have added an afternoon bike ride every day to my workout routine. This week, conveniently in time for our Vegas vacation, I made my original goal of 180 pounds. I now weigh less than I did when I graduated high school. When I first weighed in back in September, after I'd quit drinking soda and started my half-assed, "gonna eat a little better some times but that's it" efforts, I weight 215 pounds. For those of you counting, that's 35 pounds I've lost in 10 months!

Early on in my workout routine, my wife joked about getting me something "special" from her Stockroom wishlist if I got to my goal. I reminded her about it and when I reached 180.2 pounds on Sunday morning, she told me to go ahead and order it. It arrived today and I can't wait until we get to use it!

Oh, what is it you ask? An object of frequent fantasy for me, a device of objectification and humiliation and sheer hotness to imagine; it now sits on my bathroom counter after having been assembled and cleaned. And, as my wife said to me earlier, she's "feeling it" and we'll have to give it a test run before we lug it all the way to Vegas.

Twist my arm a little more! (And now I promise to stop teasing and show you all a picture of what my new dildo gag looks like!)

Falling Behind

2010-07-04T21:05:00.003-06:00

It seems like every time I try to catch up on posting, despite the best of my intentions, I get one or two posts in and then end up buries by another week of work and another week behind. I have so much to tell and, sadly, only so much energy to tell it. I still want to write up the post about last Saturday - while my wife knows about it and was okay with everything that happened, S deserves to read all of it from my perspective. But before I get to that, I'm going to skip forward in time and talk about last night.

S, seeing that my wife and I needed some individual time after a particularly rough week of work for me and a hard personal week for my wife, not only offered to watch our kids overnight for us so we could go to a hotel, but also paid for the night's stay. She wanted us to have time to connect, to be together, to be intimate together... to talk, especially. Free of distractions from our kids, from our computers and phones and house. She had several reasons for it, but whatever her reasons she was truly selfless in offering that night for my wife and I.

The long-term implications of last night are still to be discovered. My wife and I both agree that we very much still want S to be a part of our life. We have a vacation to Vegas coming up in two weeks and, so far, all seems to be well for S to come along with us... officially as our babysitter but we've come to think of it as our hot nanny :)

I'm not going to share all that we talked about last night, nor all the sexy (and very, VERY hot) details of the time when we were not talking... but I'll share a few snapshots.

I came, twice. Both times inside of her. The first time I told her it was going to happen, but I didn't ask -- she told me not to ask. The second time, I didn't even give her warning - I took it, greedily, hungrily, with an almost animal growl in my throat as I pounded into her while she dug her nails into my back. As for her... she came countless times. Some by hand. Some with me inside of her. Some with a toy. All of them, every last one, incredibly damn hot.

I am, for now, out of my belt until we get the new ring. I will be sending the Steelheart back to Dietmar this week to get a new, larger ring made to fit it. A few weeks ago (a month ago? All this past little while is starting to run together!), I was joking in a chat with S about the possibility of my wife and I switching for the time that I was out of my belt. It was only half- serious at the time but I've given it a lot of thought since then. Especially considering the play with S and I last Saturday, the hidden dominant in me has been wanting to flex his muscles and reduce my wife and S both to quivering, desperate masses just begging for whatever I wanted to give to them. So my wife and I talked about that last night, and while we are not planning to switch fully, we are going to change a few things.

What we are going to change is hard to know. I told my wife that I had been thinking that we were both having a hard time with our dynamic -- so many expectations which we both had for each other and it was adding to the stress which neither of us had the energy to deal with. So my wife is going to take some time and come up with a new contract, of sorts. I am willing to let her keep as much control as she wants, or to let her give back as much as she needs to -- and after telling her this, the stress practically melted away from her visibly.

I was surprised by how relieved I was too. She told me, "I didn't realize how stressed I was about it all."

I didn't say it, but I thought, Me too!

So what does it mean? As far as the two of us and S, we don't want anything to change. We still want S to come over, to play, to be close to both of us. we still want some play, but the overt D/s will likely be limited to scenes and be much less 24/7. The specifics are up to my wife... I have given up so much control to her, it is her place to give whatever of it back she wishes!

All in all, after last night my wife and I are feeling as close as ever, and as sure as ever about each other. i still have a few posts on here I want to make and don't think I'm going anywhere -- after we get the belt back and especially after having gone on vacation, we will talk about our relationship again and see how much day-to-day D/s to recapture. And I will still serve my wife as much as possible, so this blog is not going anywhere!

As I read back through the post, it sounds negative and I wish it didn't -- this is all actually very positive, for the both of us, while we try to navigate this stressful Summer!

Ruined Orgasms?

2010-05-29T11:04:00.003-06:00

Wednesday night, after losing my self control and cumming, I did at least manage to pull out and leave it a ruined orgasm. I'm fairly certain that one was ruined because the next morning I was all ready to go for some more, despite how disappointing the night before had ended up.

However, we had some other plans. Back in October I got my vasectomy, and since then we've had two sample cups that needed to be filled up to test and make sure that all was well. This was a test I wanted to fail, for a couple of reasons. My wife wanted me to see how long it would take to get the results back and when I called on Thursday morning, they told me it takes about a day... so if we were to get the cups to them on Thursday, we should know by Friday whether or not I was firing blanks (if I was carrying seedless grapes, if the hose was properly kinked... pick your favorite euphamism).

Because of some plans for this weekend (which I will write about after they happen!) my wife wanted to be certain that the vasectomy had taken... so Thursday morning, immediately following the ruined orgasm of Wednesday night, I had to ruin another to fill the first cup. It's always a little weird for me to stand at the side of our bed and masturbate while she watches (even standing behind me pinching my nipples is weird for me, masturbation isn't really a spectator sport for most guys) but I did so, let go at the point of no return and spilt my load into the first cup.

A few hours break and we were at it again for the second cup, this time I was sitting at the computer watching a video I had shown my wife (Public Disgrace hotness) and was able to get there a little quicker. Again I let go at the critical point and watched my load dribble out. Again I felt unsatisfied, so was pretty sure it was ruined.

I took the cups into the doctor's office (asking if we would have the results before the weekend) and the nurse laughed. "God forbid you should go into the weekend wearing protection," she said. I laughed too, I really like this doctor and wish they were close enough to my house to go to regularly.

That night, however, I started to wonder if they really had been ruined. While I dutifully went about my chores, including cleaning an extremely messy kitchen, I found myself very irritable at the same time. When my wife got home and said, "This floor needs to be mopped and swept," instead of my initial response being "Yes Maam", my first thought was "Really? You can't see that it was already swept? I know it needs to be mopped I figured I would wait until after the baby spilled her dinner all over the floor to do that."

Thankfully I didn't say it but the fact that I thought it made me realize that somewhere in there -- whether it was the three releases in a row or one of them hadn't been ruined enough -- my body had let go the pent up hormones and I was in that state of post-orgasm funk, where my desire to serve had to be a very conscious effort.

I let my wife know how I was feeling, in a proper way, and asked her to let me know if I was slipping because I didn't want to not do what I was supposed to do just because I wasn't feeling that sense of submission that comes with prolonged orgasm denial... fortunately I don't think there has been any problem as a result and I've managed to stay in a pretty decent mood but it has been frustrating, not feeling all of the last three weeks built up inside me. I had kind of hoped to have that energy for tonight, but it is what it is and I still plan to make tonight as great as I know I can.

And I guess I have some research to do on how to better ruin an orgasm so that any future situation similar to this won't result in a black mark on my service record.

Stupid Penis

2010-05-27T09:48:00.003-06:00

The title seems a little blunt but pretty much sums up my feelings at the moment.

Last night was the first time in three weeks that my wife and I were intimate with each other. Really focused on playing with each other -- not a one-sided me-giving-her-an-orgasm-before-bed, not a quick tease... real intimacy and rebuilding the bond that's been a bit lacking between us these last few weeks. It was good, and necessary.

As it lead to me being allowed to enter her, the heavy making out, nipple grabbing, kissing and biting of her neck and noises of the moment had me pretty worked up, so I made sure to take things slow as I thrust in and out of her. Still, I found myself on edge fairly quickly.

A change in position and I was able to start pumping some more, getting her close to the edge... I breathed in and out slowly, trying to focus on anything but the pleasure building in my member. Still, I had to stop before she got hers to make sure that I didn't go too far... and I did. In plenty of time.

But as I sat there, waiting for my edge to subside enough that I could start going again, my mind wandered into the situation I was in -- the fact that I was inside her, how good it felt, how good it felt to be close to her again... and despite the complete lack of motion, the emotion of the moment pushed me over the edge I had been backing off from the past several seconds.

"Fuck. Shit fuck. Fuck," was all I could say as I pulled out and watched my seed shoot over her stomach.

She had me clean it off and get her off by hand before we went to bed... and while I know that punishment for that is coming up, I'm less worried about that than I am disappointed. I felt kind of like we needed last night to really reconnect with each other, and I couldn't even hold off for five minutes so we could. Instead I shot off like a teenager on his first time and went to bed disappointed that the night couldn't have been something more.

Not to mention I'm sure it will be a good long time before I get to enjoy the feeling of that release now.

Taking some Tentative Steps

2010-05-20T14:25:00.002-06:00

Our first real effort at reconnecting after our recent fallout (I still haven't decided if I'm going to post about that... probably, but I'm not quite ready to) was somewhat similar to this. We watched TV while I took her feet and gave her a mini pedicure. We didn't get out the foot bath and it was mostly painting her nails. We didn't talk a lot, although we shared a few words.

Immediately before she had me painting her toenails, we had a weekly review. The first clue that she was returning to normal. Basically it came out that the last week had been okay, I had kept up my chores for her while not really going above and beyond. The overarching event of the week, the reason why I've been silent the past two weeks, was excused as an "exceptional lifetime event" (sounds very legal and official, basically we agreed that what happened was outside of our FLR and was not worthy of punishment beyond what had transpired already that week)... on to painting her nails and watching TV.

Of course, this is going four days back. The rest of the week has been a bumpy ride to this point, dealing with emotions resulting from the business of the past week. Things are getting better, and I'm finally starting to feel that frustrating stir down in my belt... I'm just hoping to hold onto that and let that feeling grow until I'm all the way back "on".

Especially considering some plans we have coming up next weekend!

Unscheduled Leave

2010-05-19T07:19:00.002-06:00

I realized this morning it's been about two week since I posted. A very, VERY long two weeks. For that, I apologize. Also, I'll just put it out there since this post won't be much -- I'm sorry for this post and the lack of information you're all about to receive.

I've been fine. We've been fine, but through a very rocky two weeks. We are just starting to get back to normal and I'm trying to focus more on her and on getting things done around the house... which means I'm thinking less about this blog. Not that I'm going anywhere, I just need a little more time for things to be a little more normal before I'm back to posting regularly.

So... I hope all is well with the rest of you and I hope to be feeling up to catching you all up soon -- but I just wanted to apologize for my unscheduled leave of absence and to say I'm trying to keep it as brief as possible.

... And Out

2010-05-05T07:09:00.002-06:00

Last week I posted about some problems with my belt -- the ring on my Steelheart is just too small and causing irritation. I bought it with both the anatomical ring and the flat ring and so we wondered if perhaps it was the shape of the anatomical ring causing the problem.

We gave it a few nights of leaving me unlocked to let my skin recover and have tried the last two nights locked up with the flat ring to see if things were any better. Sadly, no. Every time I awoke last night, the pain was more and more intense until finally at some point I couldn't stand it and had to unlock myself and sure enough there's a nice welt behind my scrotum where the intensity of my nighttime erections caused the ring to dig into my skin.

I'll be talking to my wife (when she wakes up) about purchasing a larger ring, in the mean time it seems that if I'm to be locked up overnight (for things like coffee night or other occasions that take her out of the house) I'll be back in the Curve and the Steelheart will have to be for specific play or daytime lockup only. In a few days that is, after my skin has healed up again.

Frustrating but part of life... hopefully I can buy just the 50mm anatomical ring and that will solve the problem (it's much worse with the flat ring than the anatomical ring, I think the extra room actually made a big difference).

Submissive Domination

2010-05-01T12:00:00.000-06:00

I know over it's a week old at this point, but our little birthday romp was so hot it bears sharing here :) Please forgive the tardiness of this, it has been a busy week, but I'm hoping that the hotness will make up for the delay!

I've mentioned a few times that I keep a list of "kink ideas" for her, things that I'd like to try when she's having a hard time coming up with a scene. One of the ideas on the list was to switch -- she tells me ahead of time what my limits will be and then she hands over control to me for the night.

She established pretty clearly that I was absolutely NOT going to cum and that she wanted to have to ask me to cum, that she wanted to be tied up at some point and that was about it. The rest was up to me, with the caveat that the switching would stop when SHE wanted it, so if I was going too far she was reserving the right to stop me.

We got home from dinner and wasted no time -- we went downstairs and I promptly stripped her, stopping to enjoy her exposed breasts and already getting ridiculously hard inside my belt just thinking about the events to come. I held her close for a minute, kissing her neck and then finally whispered into her ear, "Take off my pants." I was now firmly in control. She helped me strip the rest of the way and then I ordered her onto the bed.

I went into our closet and came back out with the cuffs and four ropes. She was quickly secured to the bed, spreadeagled and completely helpless. I smiled at her as I asked if she was ready for the "devious surprise" I had promised. She nodded, a little nervous. I went back to the closet and got our blindfold and her Endless Pleasure. I covered her eyes and smiled as I lubed up her vibrator, rubbing it on her pussy lips for a second before pushing it in. I turned it on, to the lowest setting, and she gasped as it sprung to life inside her.

"Enjoy," I said, as I walked into the bathroom. I had unlocked my belt and was getting ready to take a shower (the Steelheart is definitely harder to stay clean in than the Curve) before the activities to come and had decided to leave her helpless but distracted while I did so.

It took a long time for me to relax enough to get the ring from the Steelheart off, the thought of all the things I wanted to do to her while she was helpless kept me going pretty well. I finally managed to work the ring off and came out of the bathroom, teasing her by turning up the vibrator just a little and starting the clitoral vibrator as well. She writhed and moaned in the sexiest of ways while I stood back and watched.

I climbed onto the bed and decided to help the toy fuck her -- I grabbed its base and while I kissed and bit her neck and chest, I thrust the toy deeper into her pussy and started to really enjoy her helpless moaning. Before long, her moans gave way to muffled screams as she got more and more into it. It felt like no time at all before she was asking if she could cum.

I thought about it for a second. To that point, I hadn't decided if I was going to let her cum a lot or only once, at the end. She kept moaning, waiting for my answer and I finally decided I was going to give her all the orgasms she could take. "Yes," I breathed as she let go of herself and let the orgasm overtake her.

This was the first of many -- after this one, I untied her feet (but left her hands restrained) and fucked her, fighting hard to maintain control over my own orgasm (she started laughing as I breathed deep to relax myself while still trying to bring her over the edge). I went down on her, licking her very wet pussy. I rubbed her pussy to an orgasm. We used some anal beads, and I fucked her with them in, whispering to her about how good it would feel to have two cocks in her, sending her into a blissful train of thought on that point. I smacked her ass with the spanker, and even her pussy a little bit (something which she said she enjoyed and we may explore later).

Finally I had some inspiration -- I really wanted a blow job, it's a treat I get pretty rarely these days. I untied her and guided her (still blindfolded) to the foot of the bed. I had her kneel and take me into her mouth and enjoyed the sensation of her tongue running around my member. Good God I wanted to cum right then, to feel that release... instead I forced myself to stop her and stand her up.

Standing at the foot of the bed, I had a brilliant idea. I locked her cuffs together behind her back and bent her over the bed, leaving her ass nicely exposed. What's more, it made for a nice, dirty position to fuck her. In all the dirty talk that night I kept getting her to admit to what a cock whore she was, how much she liked it, and this was just about as dirty a position as I could think of -- helpless, hands locked behind her back, bent over the bed and just begging for cock.

I'm not one to turn her down!

Fucking her that way was so good, she had a few more orgasms and I had to stop more than once to keep myself from going over. I could go hard or slow, either way she was getting off. She loved it, and after we were done she said, "Why haven't we tried that position before?" Since then, we've already done it again once and it was just as good for her and just as hard for me to hold back.

After that, I decided she'd had enough (neither of us could count how many times she'd asked for, and been granted, permission to cum). I unlocked her, helped her clean up, and we cuddled for a long time. I helped her drift off to sleep as I kissed her side and told her, "Happy birthday Princess."

Learn Something New Every Day

2010-05-01T03:23:00.004-06:00

So as I write this, my wife and S are still downstairs playing. I got my wish -- or most of it -- I was tied to a chair while they started exploring each other. I wasn't gagged, but I know my wife isn't a fan of the gag either so I'm cool with that. I sat for over an hour with my nipple clamps on, my limbs tied to the chair, helpless to do anything but watch. And learned something about myself.

Voyeurism doesn't do it for me.

For sure, the sounds they were making were hot. I wasn't the least bit bothered by the fact that it was my wife and someone else. But I wasn't particularly turned on either. My belt was no more cramped than usual.

This fact frustrates the hell out of me, but I also understand it from an objective standpoint. Things that are wicked hot in your head may turn out to be completely different when they play out. The chair tie? That totally worked for me and I'd like to incorporate it into some more scenes with my wife. The nipple clamps? Despite the fact that they've been on about an hour and a half at this point and are burning, I love the implication that I can't remove them without permission (since they were put on while I was bound). So the pain radiating out from my nipples stays until she comes upstairs and I can ask permission or I cave and go interrupt to ask permission.

I did make my wife laugh a little -- she came over to see how I was doing and I indicated that it wasn't all good (I was really cold at that point) and I asked if I could go upstairs. She looked concerned (and i'm hoping that I can explain this all to her without bungling it too badly when they're done) but said it was fine and reached to untie the ropes holding me to the chair. I smiled and said, "I got this," and proceeded to get myself out -- the chair has open legs so it was easy enough to tilt it back against my desk to free my feet, and my arms had been tied loosely enough that I could work the knots and get myself entirely free. She laughed and said it was impressive and returned to S (after I assured her that I really was okay).

And I am. Okay, I mean. I don't feel left out, I don't feel guilty like last time. I just am not all turned on... and I know that it's okay. I don't know for sure how we'll work this out for their future opportunities to play together but as the title says, you learn somnething new every day and today just happened to be that I'm not into watching people have sex.

Glad I Don't Have A Choice

2010-04-30T22:10:00.004-06:00

Tonight my wife is out at a party (her friend called it an "It's Friday party") with S. I am home, but only have our youngest tonight and so the evening started out a little differently than most nights that my wife goes out.

Because the older kids were gone and S knows all about us (and if she doesn't, she still has a lot of reading to do lol) I decided to face my fear of exposure head on. I asked my wife if she would collar me before she left -- knowing that S was going to be coming to pick up my wife. Meaning that I would be dressed, but collared, when S got here. Scary as hell for me but I was also feeling really subby and wanted the feel of the collar around my neck.

She surprised me by not only saying, "Yes," but she also asked if I wanted to wear my plug. This was a little over 3 hours ago and I'm still plugged, only having removed it for two fairly brief bathroom breaks. I'm locked up (until I am healed, she is just unlocking me before bed each night) and horny as all hell with nothing I can do about it.

Oh and did I mention that after the party my wife and S are going to be coming back here? You know, to "Wind down." In other words... I'm supposed to stay up so the bed is available so they can play.

A short while ago my wife sent me a text saying that S is totally cool with me watching. With the lights on this time. Holy. Fucking. Hot. In my state of general desperate horniness, I asked if we might throw some bondage in... maybe tie me to a chair, gagged, so all I can do is watch and moan as they get into it with each other. My wife responded with a "We'll see," which could go either way but knowing how horny she and S are, and how horny she likes to keep me, and how incredibly mind-bendingly, uncontrollably hot that would be I'm thinking there's a good possibility that I might just get what I asked for.

Right now is one of those moments I'm glad I'm locked up... because the thought of that scene, me tied up and helpless to watch as my wife goes down on another woman and another woman goes down on my wife is just so incredible I could see myself losing control and playing with myself just a little too much. On one level I'm glad that choice is essentially out of my hands, although right now I also really just want to have a hand pumping my hard cock and to watch hot white cum spilling out of it. Damn the effectiveness of the Steelheart.

In & Out...

2010-04-29T11:21:00.003-06:00

So my status to the right shows I'm unlocked for now -- on Wednesday morning as I was cleaning up in the shower I noticed a line of irritation where the anatomical ring of the Steelheart met my scrotum on the base. I don't know if it's just that the ring is too small or that the shape is conducive to irritation but I was unlocked all day yesterday (which turned out to be a good/bad thing for play last night, I was allowed to fuck her although left completely denied) and this morning.

I'm back in for a lunch date my wife has since I'll be at home by myself and I didn't want to leave my good behavior up to chance today, but I'm sure it will come off later to allow my skin the maximum opportunity to heal. We'll try switching to the flat ring that came with the Steelheart after a few days of R&R and see if I do better sleeping in it, otherwise it looks like I'll be out for the night and in for the day.

I'm surprised to find that I'm disappointed by that thought -- a lot of the fun and the kink of it all is the inconvenience of having to sleep in the belt too and the fact that with the new Steelheart I may actually go days (longest stretch so far has been 5) without even being able to see my cock. That's really hot. The thought of unlocking every night to sleep seems like a cheat.

I think if the flat ring doesn't work out, we may look into buying a larger ring for it. I tend to be a bit of a grower anyway so maybe thinking that I could get used to a 47mm ring was just wishful thinking on my part.

So I Says to Mabel, I Says...

2010-04-27T22:10:00.002-06:00

I feel a bit bad for all the silence around here since Friday. I had a good streak going, and then the weekend happened and I got out of my rhythm (for a few reasons) and now here it is Tuesday and I'm sure you're all dying to know what happened this weekend.

What? Oh you already know... and if you don't, you can read my wife's posts about Friday and both parts of Saturday. In that case, I'll just sign off then...

Well, not really. While I think I may get around to posting about all the Friday night hotness, I want to focus on the part of Friday that was more meaningful -- the date we went on before we came home to the hot, hot sex.

We have a favorite restaurant which we go to whenever we are celebrating. It's a bit pricey but it's delicious and we think it's worthwhile to spoil ourselves once in a while. We dropped the kids off at her sister's and off we went to dinner. While there, the chef (I assume anyway, he was wearing a chef's jacket) came by and asked how everything was and if it was our first time. I laughed as I said no, that we come every year for birthdays and anniversaries. He asked whose birthday it was and when my wife raised her hand he insisted that she choose a dessert on him. When she had not chosen a dessert and mine arrived, he happened to stop by the table and asked her, "Is he eating yours?" We both chuckled and he listed the desserts for her to choose from and they brought out for her a very decadent slice of cheesecake covered in fresh berries that I can practically STILL taste five days later.

During dinner, we spent a lot of time talking, really deeply connecting and we didn't want to find ourselves in a movie theater unable to continue the conversation -- so we exchanged our tickets for a gift certificate and found ourselves in the parking lot of the mall. Talking. For almost two hours. While it wasn't all giggles and idle chatter, it was good. I think we both needed to reconnect on that level. We talked about a lot of things we usually don't talk about, for various reasons, and it felt good to let them out in the open. Most of it focused on things that happened in the past but there was a lot of good conversation about some of the things we both worried about coming up (especially with our kids) and it was nice to see that we shared a lot of the same fears instead of worrying about bringing them up and how the other might react to how we're feeling.

As she mentioned, we stopped out at the bar (not because I'm a good subby but because I knew how important her friends are to her and I was happy there was an opportunity for her to see them that night as well) for a few and while that didn't go quite as well as we'd hoped, she still had a good time and it served as a good separator between the intense conversation we'd just had and the play that was to follow. A quick stop at the store to get a memory card for her new camera I'd bought her (although I forgot to USE said camera while she was tied up, something about her helpless, naked body was a bit distracting) and home to play time...

All in all, a great night even before we ever left for home and the play that was to follow. I love her so much!

Happy Birthday Princess!

2010-04-23T07:37:00.002-06:00

Just a quick post to announce to the world that it is my wife's birthday today and to tell everyone how special she is to me. I wish that I did not have to work today so that I could let her sleep in as late as she wants and so that she didn't have to worry about kids and diapers and any of that... still, I plan to do everything I can to make today special for her because she deserves it!

Interesting Weekend Ahead

2010-04-22T11:17:00.003-06:00

So as I mention briefly in this post, this weekend is my wife's birthday. Our plans for the evening are fairly meager, a good dinner downtown and a movie, but it's what is to come after that which should prove to be interesting.

We are switching.

Just for the night. In her words, it will start when we get home and it will stop when she wants it to. She wants to be tied up at some point and beyond that she doesn't have any expectations (except that I will not be cumming). I sent her a list of questions to make sure I was clear on where the boundaries were and then from there... well I'm free to let my imagination roam.

When I was reading her e-mail, I got very hard when I read the part where she said I would not be cumming... I told her that and she asked if I had expected to cum. "No," I answered, "but I thought there might be a possibility."

"It's not YOUR birthday," she answered.

I'm trying to keep in mind that we are switching back afterward so I'll have to be a little careful... that's not going to stop me from having a little fun with her! I'm not sure yet exactly what but I've got a few fledgling ideas, some of which I'll share with her beforehand to make sure she is okay with and some which I will be surprising her with. All of it promises to be a lot of fun (and very frustrating for me in the end when I have to go back into lockup!)

They Are Like Teenagers!

2010-04-21T07:46:00.004-06:00

Who is? Why, my wife and S, of course :)

Last night was coffee night and they went together. A little later than usual, of course, but you know. Traffic and things to do and such, I'm sure was their excuse.

I went to bed before anything really fun happened -- in the e-mail with my punishment, I was also given a bedtime and tried my best to stick to it (I tend to stay up later on the nights that my wife isn't home). So I went to bed alone and collared.

Around 1:30 AM my wife came to bed as well, very clearly horny as she rubbed my side and my collar. She woke me, unintentionally I think, and was none to displeased when I started kissing her back while she recounted some of the activities she and S had embarked on together.

"I may or may not have been kissing her breasts and sucking on her nipples," she told me as I kissed her neck and pinched her nipple. "She may have licked my pussy," she continued as I pulled her hair and worked my way down to her nipple. Suddenly I was overcome by my own horniness and started reaching down into her panties, fingering my wife's very, very wet pussy. "I came down without pants on..." she trailed off.

After rubbing her to a good and loud orgasm, she recounted the gaps in the night for me before we started to go to sleep. I stayed up for a while after, straining against my belt (to which I gave her the keys yesterday) and tickling her side to help her relax and get to sleep.

This weekend is her birthday, I've told S that she can have my wife on Saturday night. I have no idea what their plans are and it's driving me a little crazy to not be in the know but I need to focus on what I'm doing for my wife for her birthday on Friday night -- we will be kid free. I have a few ideas but I want to do more than just go to dinner and then come home so I'm still shopping around, as it were.

Last night was the longest night I've had in the Steelheart so far. I had so many kinky dreams it felt like I was up every hour. By my best recollection, I had to get up 7 times... I was down to 2 the night before. I think part of it was giving up the keys to the belt, part of it was wearing my collar, and part of it is that my counter is up over a week, almost to 10 days where I find that I'm the horniest... I know it will get easier but man am I tired today!

My Punishment

2010-04-20T23:02:00.003-06:00

So for purchasing something for myself without asking first, I was told that I would be writing lines but she hadn't decided yet what, or how many. I've been torturing myself about if the past few days and tonight, before she left for coffee, she finally sent me an e-mail explaining what I would be writing.

"My Princess makes the decisions about money for me. If I ever want to purchase something, I will make sure I ask her first. I respect her authority over me. I want my Princess to dominate me."

20 times. Not terrible, only so light because I'd had such an exemplary week last week (and have kept it up so far this week, I might add). I got them done quickly tonight (because the e-mail included a threat of further punishment if they were not done before bed) and I have already renewed my efforts to seek permission before purchasing anything.

Even though it was only 20, I hate writing lines that much that I would rather not do even that many again!

Randomness

2010-04-20T07:16:00.003-06:00

Just a few quick thoughts this morning, we were both pretty pooped yesterday from being up so late so many nights in a row over the weekend.

The bathroom control has become such a part of my routine that it was actually in a dream last night -- I don't remember much of the dream except that she was trying to humiliate me (hot!) and had me gagged while we were in a store (or something) and I was dancing around to keep from wetting myself while I tried to get her attention. Finally she pulled out the gag and I asked her permission only to be denied. I waited a few minutes and asked again, only to be denied again, and then my need to go actually woke me up where, sure enough, I really needed to go. Thankfully I didn't have to wake her to ask permission for that one!

I still don't know what lines I'll be writing for my selfish purchase on Saturday. It's driving me more than a little nuts to know that it's coming but not know how severe it's going to be or when I'm going to have to do it.

All day yesterday I found myself wanting her and couldn't help but be a little forceful about it when I was kissing her -- pulling her hair, biting her neck, pinching her nipples. She noticed it and before bed asked me to rub her pussy, I had her going so much she just needed a little help to relax. Who am I to turn her down for that? :)

Finally, a last thought, she gave her friend S the address to this blog. Since I started writing it, I've wondered how I would react if someone I knew personally read the blog... I'm relieved to find out that I'm not bothered in the least. Part of that is that S knows most of the details of our lifestyle already but really, it's not a big deal to me that she can (will?) eventually find out the rest as (if?) she reads through. I'm not so egotistical as to believe she's going to obsessively read all 391 posts to date, but my wife showed me some of the texts S sent her after reading my posts about their relationship. Apparently she was getting quite worked up about it :)

My Weekly Review

2010-04-19T07:56:00.003-06:00

It went pretty well -- I had a very good week overall, with one minor issue which will find me writing lines later this week but I still get a reward for my overarching good behavior.

On Saturday, I was having a LAN party and a friend of mine who frequently is unable to make it was going to be coming. We had missed his birthday so another friend and I stopped at a store on the way (with permission, of course) to pick up a present.

While there, I happened to look for a collectible I've been coveting somewhat and found that it was in stock. Without thinking, I picked up the item and bought it along with the present for my friend. When I got home with it in hand, however, the look on my wife's face immediately reminded me what I'd done wrong.

I am supposed to ask permission before purchases, something which I am usually good about, but having had permission to get something for my friend it didn't click that my purchase was a separate one and needed to be asked for again. My wife warned me last night that I would be writing lines for that this week, but she hasn't told me what or how many yet. I'm doing my best to not look forward with too much dread because I understand and deserve the punishment.

The Steelheart

2010-04-18T17:55:00.003-06:00

So after a few days in it, I'd like to share my thoughts on the Steelheart and how it compares to the Curve I've been in for more than two years.

When I got it, I was surprised to see just how much smaller than the Curve it was. I'm used to having plastic locked around my junk that I could always feel -- against me leg, against my chair, somewhere/somehow it was always a little in the way... but it was OK. I was comfortable (enough) in it, it didn't interfere with my day-to-day routine and it was secure enough to keep my hands off (although as much as a reminder that she wanted me to keep my hands off as it was actually secured, given that I could get in and out of it without unlocking it).

After I got past how small it was, I had to tackle the problem of how best to get it on me. With the Curve, it was easy enough to slide some pantyhose (purchased specifically for this purpose) through an opening at the end, guide it up the shaft and put it around my member, then pull through, effectively securing me. But the Steelheart, being much smaller and much less open presented some questions as to how to get in. The first time, we tried the pantyhose and it worked okay (although it took some time to get the pantyhose in through the much smaller opening at the end). The second time I put it on, I tried to just push my member in and found that it caused a bunch of flesh to bunch up at the back, making it much harder to close and much more vulnerable to accidental pinching and potential problems, so I unlocked the device and tried again with the pantyhose. Since then I've had it on through two nights without issue so that's definitely the way to keep going for now.

Security wise, despite the lack of a piercing it is much better. Because it's smaller, it's a lot harder to pull myself out of and once out I don't think that any amount of wrangling would get me back into the device -- I would definitely need the key to unlock it to get myself back in. It's all very flexible down there but not THAT flexible. I can see, especially with the modifications Thumper had made, how it would be completely secure. While that idea is hot, I've said before that my chastity is as much mental as physical and so something slightly less than a maximum security lockup is more than sufficient.

As to comfort, I worried a lot about that when I first laid eyes on the device. Being so much smaller than the Curve, I first wondered if I would even fit in it. Getting past the size of my own ego, I realized I would probably be able to squeeze he flesh in there no problem but the gap between the top of the tube looked so much smaller than the spacer combination I was using on the Curve I wondered if I wasn't more than a little crazy to be contemplating putting that around my junk. I bought the anatomical ring with it to allow a little extra space at the bottom to try and reduce discomfort at night.

Bedtime has certainly been interesting the past few nights. While I was to a point on the Curve where I was very rarely awakened by the pressure in my cage, I've been getting up three to four times a night in the Steelheart. The first night, I made it most of the way through the night and gave in to use my key -- I think it was about 5:30 AM before I couldn't take it any more. The past two nights, however, it has stayed in place -- I've had my member fully encased by stainless steel since Friday morning.

She shared the pictures I posted with a few of her friends who know about our arrangement. On Friday night when they were here one of them asked if the pictures were actually of me and seemed a little interested when I said yes. I thought about it later and realized I could have just pointed out that in one of the pictures you can actually see our bathroom rug on our tile, so it's either my junk or someone else my wife got to pose for her!

All in all it is going well, I think another day or so and I'll be ready to give up the keys, I haven't needed them at all the last two days and it will seem so much more permanent when it's her choice, not mine, whether the lock comes off to take care of any issues.

No to mention a lot hotter.

Witnessing Their First

2010-04-17T11:34:00.002-06:00

What an experience.

There's no other way to describe last night.

Come about 11:30, most of my wife's friends had left, it was just her and S, two other friends that had been with them last Saturday when they discovered their joy in each other's bodies, and one friend who suspected something was going on but didn't know. They ended up telling this last friend everything, and she was extremely interested to know my take on it all so I actually came upstairs and joined in the conversation.

Which was interesting in and of itself -- I was sitting on the couch next to my wife who was sitting next to S. Well, not so much sitting next to as making out with. This was the first time I'd had a chance to see it firsthand.

It's hard for me to describe how I felt right then. Turned on, for sure. But, just a little, confused. Something was bothering me about it but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

We sat up there and talked for about an hour and a half. I was allowed to read some of my wife and S's texts to each other and they determined that they couldn't wait for the other friends to leave. I excused myself downstairs so that I wouldn't be following them down like a little lost puppy and sure enough, it wasn't long before they came down in each other's arms. They turned out the lights and I was still sitting by the computer, leaving me blind but with a symphony of moans and whispers as they finally explored each other's bodies.

Then it clicked. I knew what was bothering me.

I felt guilty.

Listening to them, they were two lovers in the throes of their own passion for each other, and I'd made all the fantasies about it all about me. I felt terrible for leaving that expectation as I eavesdropped on them. Unable to see what they were doing I could only imagine whose moans where whose, and what was being done to whom. It was very hot but hard to move past my feelings of guilt.

They paused after a while and S went in to use the bathroom. My wife called me over and asked if I was okay. "Yeah," I told her. "Just need to process for a while."

"That's fair."

I explained that I couldn't really see anything and she asked if I wanted to move closer. I told her I felt a little weird just watching, so she offered to put me in the closet instead. We went over by the closet door and she stripped me, collared and cuffed me and locked me in place. "I'll try not to leave you in too long," she said as she blindfolded me and closed the door.

I don't know how long I was in there, long enough that my arms started to tire being held in position above my head. If I had to guess I'd say upwards of 45 minutes, although that may be a high guess (then again, maybe not, i don't think I've ever actually been left in the closet as long as last night.) Helpless, blind and deafened by the server I keep in the closet, it gave me time to process and realize that my guilt was okay and that I had been fantasizing all those things, not expecting them of my wife and S. Judging by how much they were enjoying each other there will be plenty of other opportunities to explore some of those fantasies.

When my wife finally came to release me from my bondage she asked if I wanted to keep my collar on. I did and she guided me over to the bed where she laid in between S and I. We played a little bit more, I brought my wife to an orgasm with my fingers while she played with S. I was able to enjoy the show a lot more and found myself straining against the new stainless steel cage in a way I hadn't felt before when I was awake. I got to appreciate the beauty of their newfound relationship and got to share in the physical side of it and it was great.

By this time, it was about 4:30 and S decided she had better get home and pretend like she had at least spent part of the night there. My wife left me collared and told me not to wait up for her, so I drifted off to sleep with images of their embrace racing through my head.

I'm very grateful to them for sharing that with me, for letting me see how intimate and wonderful their relationship is and most of all I'm grateful that my wife feels free to explore that relationship.

Managing My Expectations

2010-04-16T15:25:00.005-06:00

The recent developments between S and my wife have been fuel for a lot of long-time fantasies I thought would never be possible. So far their enjoyment of each other has been very private -- while I've known about it, it has always been away from our house. It's always been in the car, or in the hotel room, or at a mutual friend's house who knows the situation.

Tonight, it's going to be at our house.

My wife is having several friends over for a game night, a standing plan every month and this month is her turn to host it. S is going to be coming over early and I'm under strict instructions to find somewhere to take our three kids so my wife and S can enjoy some quality time beforehand.

However, more interesting is the plan for AFTER the game night. S is getting a ride over, the idea being that my wife will need to give her a ride home. However, for that to happen obviously S will have to be the last one here. My wife was talking to S last night online and asked how she would feel if I were home... S's response was that she would find it hot, what's more she wouldn't even mind me watching.

Holy. Fuck.

This morning I suggested to my wife that if she didn't feel comfortable with me watching (whatever S might feel), perhaps she could lock me in the closet and pursue her pleasure with S. She broached the subject with S who apparently responded, again, that it was a hot idea (after my wife explained the closet and pointed S to her blog post about the closet shortly after I'd finished it).

So now the fantasies are going absolutely batshit insane in my head, new ones popping up as I manage to put old ones out of my mind. A short while after my wife told me that, and after a lot of thought, I told my wife that while I was bound in whatever way she wanted me, any of S's curiosities about my bondage, my belt, whatever, were OK by me as long as they were acceptable to her.

In other words, if my wife is okay with it, I'm fine with S doing whatever she wants to do. To me, to my wife, whatever.

And now I just need to try to not go completely crazy thinking about what might fall within the range of acceptable for S and for my wife. There are some extenuating circumstances but as my wife and I were talking this morning, I said to her, "I guess I should be careful which fantasies I voice, eh?"

"Probably," was all she said in response.

I will probably keep my mouth shut tonight.

Probably.

It's Here!

2010-04-15T13:00:00.004-06:00

The Steelheart I ordered arrived this afternoon. It was with trepidation that I opened the box to find it's steel curves staring back at me... all too soon I'll be locked up in it. My wife is out to lunch right now with some friends but I imagine that as soon as she gets home she'll want to take a few minutes to come and "help" me into the new belt so we can check it out on a day that she and I will both be home in case of any issues.

Pics to follow my lockup (as soon as I get permission from her lol)... we'll call it my first HNT, if it does actually happen today.

Update: It's on. It was a tight fit and is quite a bit smaller than the curve but it's on and locked on. She snapped a few pictures and I'll put one or two up in a bit... I've also go the key for the time being to make sure I can adjust but I'm sure I'll be turning it over before long!

Fanning The Flames of Their Passion

2010-04-15T07:39:00.005-06:00

Last night, my wife and her friend S went to the PostSecret event here in Salt Lake together. While they were both interested in going, going together was mostly an excuse to spend some "quality time" in the car together afterward. It's been somewhat funny to watch all week as they make excuses to be together -- one day, they were at a play date and had my sister-in-law watch the kids because they "needed" to run to Target to get a few things. Tuesday night after coffee they spent a lot of time together as well. And Friday night, a game night for her and her friends, S is going to come over early and I'm under instructions to get the kids out of the house for a little while.

Beside the fantasy of two hot chicks making out, there's a lot of humor in all of this. My wife has told me more than once that it feels like cheating, and compares it to a new relationship because she just wants to see S and hang out and explore this new-found desire to get physical with her. On the other hand, she feels guilty because she thinks that she is ignoring me or forgetting about me... all the while I laugh at her reactions when I ask what her girlfriend is up to or how seeing her girlfriend was.

Last night, she got home and I could tell S had been smoking as soon as I kissed my wife. My wife laughed as she explained that she had told S, "I'm going to be busted as soon as I walk in the door, you know." We both had a good laugh.

I was wearing my collar (with permission of course) and feeling very subby, so rather than having spent the whole evening alone playing games, I'd been cleaning our bedroom (something it desperately needed, the pile of junk in the middle of our floor was getting out of hand). When she got home, my wife asked if I wanted to go and watch a show together. "Not really," was my answer. Knowing who she was out with and what they were likely to be doing had me feeling very horny.

She laughed and said to come on and we would only watch while she got on the computer and checked her Facebook and e-mail. I sat at her feet, halfheartedly watching the first few minutes of an episode of Ultimate Cake Off until she closed her laptop and we headed downstairs. She stripped and got herself ready for bed and before I could do likewise she grabbed the ring of my collar and pulled me into her, hard, suddenly we were making out, desperately. My hand wandered toward her pussy, soaking through the thin panties she was wearing. As my fingers explored the fold I pulled her panties down and couldn't help myself -- I dove in and started licking up, enjoying the taste of her wetness.

After a few minutes of my tongue she managed to gasp out, "Get my Endless Pleasure!" I got it for her, lubing it up and setting it to work fucking her while I whispered in her ear a scenario of her and S on the bed, making out as her Endless Pleasure fucked her and my tongue teased her clit... she was over the edge into an orgasm in no time. I turned off the clit vibrator but left the Endless Pleasure thrusting inside her as my fingers wandered back down and rubbed her clit to another orgasm. "Take it out," she said, breathless, her pussy overloaded and her body shaking with pleasure.

We laid there for a long time together before she looked over at me and laughed. "I must have been in a hurry," she said.

"Why's that?" I asked.

She pointed at my shirt. I was still fully dressed. We both had a good laugh.

She sent me to clean up the toys we had out and told me, "Get your nipple clamps out...and leave your collar on." After doing so, I knelt by the side of the bed, clamps in hand. I gave them to her and she put them on my nipples, then got into the bed. I climbed in after her and she told me, "Same rules as last time," indicating that I was to be keeping them clamped until she was fast asleep.

As we started to relax together, I looked over at her and said, "This is why I'm okay with you and S. I don't feel forgotten, you bring home all this energy and still use it on me." She smiled, thankful for the explanation and satisfied with it.

"I'm glad you don't feel forgotten. I worry sometimes."

Fortunately the little evening workout had her out in no time.... but I loved that she made me wear my clamps and stay up until she was asleep. I loved waking up with my collar on, even though it was only a few brief minutes after I woke up that it had to come off so I could get my son up for school and take the dog outside. I woke up still very horny and very thankful to be her sub.

I Hate The Mornings

2010-04-14T07:40:00.002-06:00

Last night was coffee night, and so soon after my release, plus given the rather craptacular day I had at work, I wasn't expecting great things for my level of desire last night.

However, I did not take into account how quickly I would bounce back from the stress of work and how being back in lockup would affect me. After I got the kids bathed and in bed, and spent some time finishing up a few todos around the house, and a short time playing a game to finish venting my frustration... desire and outright need hit me full force. I wanted her home, I wanted her here doing things to me... of course I texted that to her but didn't expect much since she was out with her friends. But after about an hour of trying to distract myself by playing more games, I finally texted and asked if I could wear my collar.

I was elated when she wrote back and said yes.

I put it on and almost immediately started feeling better. I was horny but it felt a little more like she was there. I let her enjoy her friends and spent some time looking at porn and trying to clean up around our bedroom.

When it came to bedtime, I sought (and was granted) permission to sleep with my collar on and drifted blissfully off to sleep. When she got home she cuddled up to me and traced her finger around the collar, waking me just enough to enjoy her closeness. When she rolled over to go to sleep, I followed and drifted off cuddling up to her.

On waking this morning, I delayed going upstairs as long as I could... I didn't want to take the collar off. That's the downside to most mornings -- before I go upstairs, the collar has to come off and be put away. Even now I can still feel it around my neck if I concentrate hard enough.... but it's gone, put away, I had to get my son up, give the baby a bottle and take the dog outside.

How I envy Dymion and Selena, locking his collar into place as part of an evening welcome-home ritual and leaving it secured until the next morning. Sometimes even longer, depending on their plans. I know it's not practical with three young kids and lots of errands to run but it is nice to fantasize about before I reach up and undo that buckle.

I've had Katy Perry Stuck In My Head

2010-04-13T07:37:00.005-06:00

And it doesn't seem that the refrain of her first hit is ever going to stop running through my head.

If you're curious, you can listen here. Of course, this all has to do with my wife's post yesterday and her weekend... we'll say experiment.

I haven't really been able to get the image out of my head. Which is ok, the girl she made out with is a hottie herself so that totally fuels every lesbian fantasy I've ever had :) Just makes it hard to get through the day with that playing in my mind over and over and over...

My wife pointed out to me last night that I completely skipped over the spanking she gave me on Sunday night. In the interest of avoiding another one I'll give you the details in brief here -- at one point after she had pushed me out of her pussy I was still very horny and trying to get back in. Of course, without the use of a hand to help guide things, it's usually pretty hard to actually get all the way in but I managed to do it. "Now what are you going to do," she asked.

I had stopped mid-thrust. "I don't know," I responded. I wasn't sure if I should keep going or pull out, so I just sat there, halfway inside her warm, wet, very inviting pussy. She laughed at my predicament.

"Go get the spanker," she told me. I did as she ordered and brought it back to her, resigned to what was to come. Over and over it came, I don't know if I was more sensitive to it or she was hitting harder but it hurt (this is where the whole pain slut discussion came into play). She starting telling me how many spanks she was going to give, and waiting for me to say the number. She started with five, then four, then three, then two, then two, then two... it felt like she went on forever. Then she started over at five, leaving me almost in tears by the time we finally got down to one and then she stopped (for the moment anyway!)

Since she posted about her weekend, I'll go ahead and post about the fantasy scene she described that had me suddenly on edge so quickly.

What if I had S here right now, and we were just rolling around on the bed, making out, naked? You would be tied up in the corner, helpless to do anything but watch us have at each other and wherever that lead... locked up, so you couldn't even get hard, couldn't move, could only watch... I would probably have your nipples clamped too, because you're my little pain slut aren't you?

Oooh, or what if we had four people? Me and S and you, still tied up of course, and another guy, here to fill your ass with cock... while S and I have fun with each other and all the toys that we have, you'll just be laying there getting fucked like the cock slut you are, just watching S and I pleasure each other and explore each other...

Fucking. Hot. Last night as we were getting ready for bed, she couldn't quite relax enough to get to sleep and finally admitted to needing a hand... so as I rolled over and reached my hand down her (very, VERY wet) panties, I started whispering into her ear a variation on that fantasy which had her panting and running over the edge into an orgasm in mere seconds. I went back to just the three of us (while I have been bi-curious for a while, me getting fucked doesn't quite get me going as much as the lesbian aspect of the fantasy does), me helplessly tied up and clamped and locked in my belt with the addition of a gag so all that I could do was moan in frustration as I watched their pleasure.

It seems we've got a new shared fantasy that gets us both over the edge... I wonder if S would be open to exploring that fantasy...

My Weekly Review

2010-04-12T08:42:00.004-06:00

... was pretty much skipped over entirely. When my wife got home yesterday, she needed me and she needed me desperately. Of course, only having had an hour of sleep the night before, she needed some of that too. I let her sleep through the afternoon, got her up in time to see the kids before they went off to bed and then the playing began.

First we showered together, her to wash the smell of smoke and booze off and I to wash off the sweat and smell of a weekend's worth of yardwork. It was a nice welcome home for her, a good way to slow down and just enjoy each other quietly for a while. She told me all about her weekend (I'll leave it up to her if she wants to share all that!) and I understood why she needed me so badly.

Downstairs after the shower, I did my best to hold back from jumping on her and getting straight to the deed, I made sure to take the time to lotion her feet and legs for her and really show her I appreciated her being home. It didn't take long though before we were making out and talking dirty to each other.

She sent me to get her G-whiz, a toy which we don't use often but she tends to enjoy when we do. Between the toy and shoving my face in between her legs, she got to a pretty powerful orgasm and then pulled me on top of her, needing the real thing then and there.

I entered her and was able to fuck her pretty vigorously to another orgasm. I was a bit dismayed to find out that, even though it had been six weeks, and I was very horny after having had my plug in for 9 hours that day, I didn't seem to be getting anywhere toward my own orgasm. It worked pretty well for getting her off but I couldn't seem to focus on getting me anywhere.

We played around for a while until she pushed me out of her, smiling as I tried to keep fucking her. She started teasing, talking dirty to me, painting the scene of an extremely fucking hot scenario involving another couple and getting me just as hard as could be before she had me lube up again and enter her. She kept talking in between my thrusts, then kept asking me questions, getting me to talk, to picture the whole scene in my head, to admit to loving being her little cock slut pain whore... all of a sudden I was there.

"Princess may I cum?" I asked.

"I thought you didn't think you would be able to," she responded coyly.

"That was before this scene!"

She laughed and said, "No," but kept on talking, forcing me to slow way down. We kept talking through the scene for a few minutes, getting me more and more desperate and finally she said, "Fuck me, fuck me now," and there was no going back from that!

I pounded into her as hard and fast as I could, picturing this new fantasy scene as hard as I could and could practically feel the ropes around me as I burst into her in an extremely powerful, extremely long overdue orgasm.

We laid together for a long time before I rolled over and said, simply, "I love you Princess." I think that just about said it all.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

2010-04-11T14:33:00.003-06:00

I know that I've got nothing on Christina & Sam who have been waiting literally months to be together and are now mere days away from Sam's visit... but this has been such a long day! It's only 2:30, my princess is on her way home and I miss her so much I can't stand it!

I've gotten so much done around here trying to pass the time, she left where she was two hours ago and should be home any time and I just want her to be here... I want to see her, feel her, kiss her, be with her.

I put in my plug about two and a half hours ago (with her permission) intending to keep it in until she gets home. It feels so good to be full for her again since I wore it for about as long last night. I look forward to her being here to torture me, instead of me torturing myself for her!

The waiting is killing me!

Home Alone

2010-04-11T01:31:00.003-06:00

Tonight, my wife is out with her friends. All night. She goes out fairly often and occasionally I go to bed without her on those nights, but I always wake up in the morning to her next to me. When the sun shines in my window tomorrow, I will be the only one. Sad.

But that's not to say we haven't had fun together. While I was going to be playing games on my new computer tonight, that ended up flying out the window because my buddy wasn't able to come over... so as soon as the kids were in bed, I was hers. Collared and cuffed, dressed in panties and later ordered to fill my ass with my butt plug... we spent the evening (and far too late into the morning, if the timestamp on this post is any hint) sexting each other. She even sent me a picture of her key necklace from her phone, reminding me what she had in her pocket.

While I don't like nights that I'm alone simply because it's not as satisfying to play with myself... I do like that she feels free to leave me overnight with the kids, that she can go out and have her fun and not feel bad for leaving me home. I love that I can serve her in this way too.

Safe journey home tomorrow princess, if you should read this before then!

Friday Play

2010-04-10T07:35:00.003-06:00

My sister in law took the older two kids for us last night, leaving us with some unexpected play time. As we sat in the living room playing the Wii together, I looked up at my wife and asked, "May I wear my collar tonight princess?" It felt good to want to wear it, and felt even better when she agreed and I fetched it, then knelt before her as she buckled it around my neck. A hug that has lasted all night.

We played the game for a little while before she shut it off. "I need to go take a shower," she said, heading downstairs to get undressed. Feeling rather horny I followed to "help" her get undressed, which of course only made it take longer!

Standing before me naked, she said, "Take of your pants." Not in a playing tone. I quickly did so and then she grabbed me by the shoulder and guided me toward the closet. She got out my cuffs and looked around the closet, trying to decide how best to restrain me.

And before I knew it, she was walking out, she lock clicking shut behind her. One arm locked above my head, the other locked near my waist, and the leash attached to my collar and through another ring. I could shift about, although not comfortably, and as I heard the water start running above me I realized something else.

I hadn't gone to the bathroom since before we went to dinner. It had been a few hours. I needed to go and I could barely move, and just had to listen to the water run onto the floor of the tub right above my head and down the drain pipe right next to me.

It was a long shower.

I heard the water turn off, heard her walking about for a few minutes... and then nothing. The door stayed closed. I stayed uncomfortably bound, on my feet, in the silence, wondering just what she was doing.

I know it can't have been more than 10 minutes but it seemed like an hour or longer before she was at the door. "I'm hearing a lot of jingling," she said as she walked in. My bondage had gotten to the point where I was shifting my weight around trying not to get too uncomfortable. She smiled as she kissed me and released my arms from their bondage and then handed me my butt plug.

I was definitely feeling it that time. I got her permission to use the bathroom (which, by that time, I desperately needed!) and went about plugging myself. My ass good and full, I lotioned her feet and legs and massaged her back. Finally I couldn't hold back anymore. "May I lick your ass Princess?" I'd been thinking about it all week but she has a hard time letting me do it unless she has just showered, so I figured that would be my best time. She nodded and I set to work, her moans of pleasure all the encouragement I needed.

She rolled over after a few minutes and I knelt on the floor in front of her. She smiled down at me as she put her legs on my shoulders and pulled me in toward her warm pussy. Good little boy that I am, I got the hint and started using my tongue to make her moan even louder than before. Long strokes, short ones, fast and slow, I teased and licked and kissed her pussy until she was pushing me away.

"Go take your plug out," she ordered. When I came out of the bathroom, she was standing with something in her hand that I couldn't quite see. "Get up on the bed," she told me as she set it down. I caught a glimpse and saw that it was the booty beads, a toy she bought a few months ago but never worked. She finally talked to the person she bought it from and while we couldn't get it replaced (the company stopped distributing them due to the exact problem we were having), the distributor told her to keep them and that she could pick something else from the catalog as a replacement (and no, she won't tell me what she picked and that's driving me crazy!). I knelt on the bed while she went to the bathroom and waited, not sure what was coming.

She came back in the bedroom with one hand gloved and started exploring my ass with her finger. Having just taken the plug out, her finger slid in easily and she very quickly found my prostate and had me moaning. Satisfied with how open I was, she grabbed the beads and slowly pushed them in. And in. And in. It felt like they went on forever.

"Did I hit it yet?" she asked. I hadn't felt anything on my prostate and told her that maybe she needed to angle them down some more... so out they came and right back in they went and right onto my prostate.

She played with it for a few minutes and then pulled out the toy and replaced it with her finger, stroking and rubbing and massaging while she also rubbed my perineum, sending waves of pleasure through my locked member... but even after a long time of massaging and playing, nothing draining out. Still, it felt good to sit there and be completely at her mercy again.

Of course, all things must eventually end and as she pulled out her gloved finger and told me to clean up I was a little disappointed that it still hadn't worked. I did as she ordered, cleaning up toys and putting them away, but I noticed my nipple clamps were still sitting on her bedside table. Until I came back from putting away the toys... then they were in her hands.

"Remember that little idea I had last night?" she asked. The day before, when we had been drifting off to sleep, she had jokingly said that clamping my nipples would be a good way to make sure I stayed awake until she was asleep. When she didn't have me put away my clamps I had guessed that was what she was going to do, so I nodded. She smiled as she opened up one of the clamps.

As I climbed in bed next to her, she explained how it would work. "Leave them on until you think I'm asleep, and then make sure to ask first. If you don't get a response, or if I just mumble something and it's not a clear no, you can take them off. Otherwise, keep going."

I prayed she would fall asleep quickly, with how tired I was and how much she had been pinching my nipples during our play earlier, they were very tender. She didn't even finish the episode of the Simpsons we were watching though, so it didn't take long. I was grateful to remove them but there was more to it than that. I was grateful that she had come up with something that she wanted and that she went through with it. It was inconvenient at the time but hot to think about before and after... I hope she does it some more (although I'm sure down the road I'll regret saying that).

As I woke up this morning with the collar still firmly buckled around my neck and hard as could be in my little plastic cage, I felt very fulfilled. I am a very lucky little boy to have such a wonderful Princess to control me. I love her so much.

Randomness

2010-04-09T15:59:00.002-06:00

A few quick things, and I apologize for not posting something longer but I just wanted to keep you all updated and don't have the time for a real long post right now.

I am definitely feeling better, and she seems to be feeling better as well -- we actually played a little last night. Of course, the belt never came off so I ended up losing out on both sleep and an orgasm... oh well, it's what I asked for right?

I've added a new contact me page to the blog (I've been going back and forth on doing it for a while but ultimately decided why the heck not), you can see it under the new "Pages" section to the right. I may or may not play with my layouts and put that elsewhere but for now, it is what it is.

Finally, Miss Christina has been ever so patiently waiting for me to talk about bathroom control. I've been putting it off because I wanted to wait until I had something grand to say about it, some wonderfully flowing and beautiful post... but thinking about it the other day I realized it doesn't need to be that.

The short version is, it's going great. For the most part, it's a yes as soon as I ask and all is well. Occasionally, she'll surprise me by saying no. I've texted her to ask so many times that the predictive text on my phone actually suggests it as a phrase. All I have to type is "m" and my phone pops up with, "May I use the " and if I select that and hesitate for a second it adds "bathroom princess". Nice.

We kept it up, even during the past few weeks of her emotional state and my depression. I am proud that I have remembered to ask her every time since we agreed to start doing it (even though there have been a few close calls where I was standing in the bathroom when I remembered!). I like it and wouldn't stop doing it if I had the choice. It's very humbling to ask someone else for permission to do something so commonplace as using the bathroom, and even moreso when they say no.

So thank you Miss Christina for the suggestion, because I do enjoy it (even though when she says no sometimes it kills me because I find that I'm waiting until I really need to go to ask) and it's one more way I can submit to her and one more way she has agreed to dominate me. It's even given her the idea of regulating my computer time after I'm done working for the day -- if I want to get on Facebook or play a game or anything after my working hours, I have to ask permission first. It means that I spend more time with her in the evenings and that is always a good thing.

Quick Update

2010-04-08T12:25:00.004-06:00

I kind of left everyone hanging Tuesday morning. In short, I've spent the rest of the week dressed up (by my choice) and have started feeling better -- much more in tune with my wife and her needs. Still feeling a little bowled over by work but this too will pass.

Today, especially, I am feeling horny. I want to have so many things done to me but don't have the time to detail all the things I've been fantasizing about today... although I'm sure my wife will drag them out of me later and I may just live to regret that!

Hope all is well with all of you and I hope that I can get the insanity at work calmed down soon so that I can get back to posting more regularly.

A Little Perspective

2010-04-06T13:14:00.004-06:00

I would like to thank Miss Christina and Sam for their insight on my post yesterday, Monday is a Four-Letter Word. I realized after reading their comments that they were right and maybe I just needed to make an effort to get the feeling back rather than waiting for chemistry and hormones to do the work for me.

I had already started my plans to change up the routine when I got their comments last night. I bought some superglue to use on my broken Curve (mentioned here) and break my 4-week long streak of being unlocked. Sunday I finally split the seam the rest of the way and cleaned it out. After letting it dry all day Sunday, I took it Monday morning and glued it together and then bound it with tape to be sure the two halves were held as tightly together as could be. This morning, I took the tape off and was pleased to see a nice, tight seam once again.

I took my shower early, (although with permission!) not telling my wife of my plans for the day. Getting out, I worked myself back into my belt, already feeling a little better. It fit just as tightly as ever... it should be interesting when the Steelheart gets here (I had it made just a hair smaller). I got dressed in slacks and button-up shirt and went upstairs with cable ties in hand.

She looked at me as I came up the stairs and asked, "Where are you going today?"

"Nowhere," I answered. "This is just for you," I continued as I knelt down in front of the couch. I handed her the cable ties and said, "Princess will you collar me?" She got them on (although it takes three ties and I'd done the first two a little too tight and asked permission to redo them) and smiled at me. The stirring in my belt told me that there would be no problem enduring this today.

So here I am. Work is no less stressful, but it feels far less all-encompassing today. My todo list isn't any shorter, but it seems less critical. I'd still prefer to hole up in the basement but the thought of all my conference calls, code and phone tag to come today doesn't fill me with dread. Instead, I look forward to when I can punch out and sit at the feet of my Princess.

Monday is a Four-Letter Word

2010-04-05T11:03:00.003-06:00

Five weeks today.

One would expect that I was some sort of trembling, desperate bowl of submissive jelly, dying for any sort of touch or attention or even torture from her.

I hate that I'm not.

Sometime last week I hit a wall. At times it felt like that was literal. I was overstressed, feeling burned out by my work and had absolutely no desire to do anything or see anyone. Of course, with my brother out of town I was covering for him with his clients and staying at home and working through my funk was not an option.

It was the worst on Thursday and Friday -- I didn't even feel like eating those days. But even over the weekend and into today, I still felt it.

It's a hard feeling to describe, and a really frustrating one to have this weekend. Saturday she was clearly feeling better, much more playful, and when I got the text Saturday night to put my plug in I hated that my first reaction was "I don't want to." I went back and forth on trying to explain my feelings to her before I decided to just do what she asked and talk to her after the kids were in bed.

It took me a long time to get it in, I was just finishing up when she came downstairs to check on me. Apparently, my lack of desire was written on my face when she came into the bathroom because she asked what was wrong. I explained to her that I just wasn't feeling it and she was clearly disappointed. "You should have told me," she said. We went upstairs and ended up spending the evening watching shows together. After about an hour she had me go ahead and remove my plug.

This morning I saw her post from Saturday and it made me feel that much worse that I'm in this funk, I feel like she was doing much better and I just dragged her right back into it by turning her down on Saturday. A frustrating position to be in.

Yesterday and today my mind has been wandering back to the old fantasy of being tied down to the bed all day again. Not for the erotic fun of it... but just because that would take the responsibility of having to work completely out of my hands. No cell phone, no IMs to respond to, just stuck in bed the whole day.

A nice thought anyway. Not at all realistic.

Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that I am still out here, that I am still getting through the day to day, I'm just waiting for that feeling to come back because I miss being desperate for her.

Some Random Thoughts and An Apology

2010-03-29T09:28:00.002-06:00

First the apology: I sort of left everyone hanging after the first couple of nights last week were so hot and then nothing... the reality is my sexual energy sort of fizzled out after that. My wife started on a period and I started feeling buried by work and all that deliciously juicy submissive/sexual buzz sort of petered out. I'm not entirely sure what happened or even if there is a cause for it... but it's been frustrating nonetheless.

That's not to say I've let my wife down -- despite my lack of really feeling it, I stayed on to of my chores and my attitude. I was pleasant to be around the rest of the week and managed to keep my moods to my private time so that she didn't have to deal with a cranky sub at all.

I did well enough that in my review last night I decided that I deserved a reward and she agreed. I wasn't sure which way it would go, since compared to the week before last week was fairly mediocre but I really did fin some ways to go above and beyond for her. So I was glad that the review was so positive in spite of how I'd been feeling.

We have ordered and paid for my new Steelheart, so now it's just a matter of waiting for it. With my CB Curves broken, I have been unlocked for about two weeks now... it's been a strange experience. I've gotten used to be able to sleeping freely and I'm sure it will be an adjustment getting back into the belt. We talked about it a little last night, I find myself wondering what the ring will feel like (since I bought the "anatomical" ring, meant to hold closer to my body) and how it will be trying to fit into the belt (since I can't use the stocking method and I don't have a piercing to help guide things in). I guess all I can do is wait and see on that front.

I'm hoping that my mood will change over the next few days and I'll get to that point of desperation and frustration again, it's an odd feeling to see my counter at 4 weeks and to not really feel like it's been that long.

Tuesday Teasing

2010-03-24T18:00:00.001-06:00

Last night, as we were getting the kids ready for bed, my wife mentioned that she needed to take a shower. Thank, in large part, to the play over the weekend and Monday night, my desires have been running incredibly high, so when she mentioned that my mind immediately jumped to an idea we talked about a few weeks ago -- having her lock me in the closet while she takes her shower. It seemed an especially good idea since I seemed to be running pretty high on submissive and sexual steam and she seemed pretty worn out by her day.

I suggested it to her and she just said "We'll see." Not in her usual fun, playful way. So I put it out of my mind and just enjoyed spending some time with her (and copping a feel here and there, kissing and biting her neck). We played Wii together for a few minutes (gotta love New Super Mario Brothers) and she finally decided that she was going to take her shower (she had gone back and forth a few times on whether to take it last night or today). She handed me her Wii remote and told me to shut it all down.

We headed downstairs, I had planned on starting my post from this morning while she was in the shower. Apparently, she had different plans. Standing in front of my desk, she unbuckled my pants and played around with my member until it was stiff as could be. "Well, now that you're all worked up I really can't trust you out here by yourself, now, can I?"

"I'll be good?" I responded, half questioning. I really had figured that she wasn't going to do anything and the prospect of being locked in the closet just got me that much more worked up.

"You say that like you don't want this," she said, half laughing.

Since my pants were already around my ankles, I stepped out of them. "How do you want me?" I asked, pointing at my clothes.

"Like that is just fine," she said.

"That" was a sweater, undershirt, boxers and socks... not anything particularly sexy but that wasn't really what she was going for. She guided me into the closet and put the cuffs on me, then guided my arms up and locked them to the rings in the shelves.

She played for a minute, tickling me a little bit (and quite enjoying my helplessness), playing with my nipples and then realized that she wanted me clamped too. She dug around in the toybox and pulled them out, smiling as she lifted my shirt to put them on.

"You'd better hope it's a fast shower..." she trailed off as she smiled and started walking toward the door. Before I knew it, the door was shut and I heard the click of the lock turning. I was stuck.

Part of the psychology of having her lock me in the closet is the closet is right below the bathroom -- so I can hear the sound of the water. This thought made me chuckle as I thought of something extra evil -- if she were to make sure I hadn't gone to the bathroom prior to her getting in the shower, being surrounded by the sound of rushing water would be pure torture the whole time she was in the bathroom. I could very distinctly hear her turn on the shower, go to the bathroom, get in the shower (and close the curtains) and then nothing... 15 minutes (or so) of nothing but running water. Even though I had gone to the bathroom only a few minutes before, I needed to go again by the time she was done.

Of course, the hardest part is after the water is turned off. I might catch a few footsteps here and there as she walks around and does her hair or gets dressed but I don't know what she's doing or how much longer it's going to be. What if she stops to check her e-mail on the way downstairs? What if she comes downstairs and decides to make me keep waiting while she watches a show? What if she just wants to mess with me and what if what if what if...

Thankfully it wasn't very long before she came in and started tracing her fingers around my very sensitive nipples. "How are these?" she asked.

"Tender," I responded.

"Good," she smiled. Reaching under my shirt, she asked me, "Fast or slow?" as her fingers reached the clamps.

Fast or slow? Slow means I feel it longer but it hurts less when the blood rushes back in. Fast means it's done and it's over. Neither wasn't an option. They were coming off and they were coming off then....

"Hurry up," she said, implying a threat to make the decision for me.

"Fast," I blurted out and instantly regretted as pain, like arrows, raced through my chest. I moaned and leaned into her, a futile move since my arms still restrained. She grinned as she stepped forward and allowed me to get some comfort from her. She grabbed the keys and then let me out of my predicament.

We sat together on the bed for a little while, I was writing this morning's post and she was surfing around on the internet. She decided that she was ready for bed and so I put my laptop to sleep and laid down next to her, trying to comfort her as much as possible (she had a muscle ache in her back that I was trying to massage out) and help her calm down. She decided that my massaging just wasn't working and rolled over to get her heating pad, rolling back over onto her back with the heat helping her pain.

This of course put her hand in just the perfect position to tease my member. She stroked it a little, laughing as I thrust my hips into her hand, trying to get as much from the sensation as I could. Grinning in her Mistressly way, she grabbed my hand and put it around the hard flesh. She told me to play with it and so I did, stroking and enjoying the feel of it in my palm. A feeling I miss, as I don't really get to do t for pleasure often.

"Don't get too used to it though," she said. We had placed the order for my new Steelheart Sunday night, so now it's just a matter of weeks before it is here. "Pretty soon you won't even be able to see your cock, let alone feel it through the cage. You won't even feel my hands on it at night." (Occasionally, she'll fall asleep grasping my cock if I'm out or the belt if I'm not -- although through the belt I could still get SOME sensation because of the vent holes on the CB Curve) "Nothing but my hand on steel..." she trailed off.

I started stroking faster while she was talking, rolling onto my back and really enjoying myself. "Don't you dare cum," she warned me. "I'm sure that as bad as the Icy Hot was I could find a way to make it worse."

Gulp. I focused on staying well away from the edge, just trying to enjoy the pleasure of my hand on my member without risking too much. I did NOT want a repeat of the Icy Hot!

After ten minutes or so she pulled my hand away. "That's enough... now help me get to sleep."

My hardon tucked away in my boxers, my desperation for release not the least bit abated, I did what I could to get her and I both off to dreamland. I'm starting to think it could be a good long time before I get to have a pleasurable release...

Reward For A Good Week

2010-03-24T07:30:00.000-06:00

After my review on Sunday, my wife decided that she was going to make me wait for my reward. "Because you have had a really good week and I don't want to do it half-assed," she said.

I was satisfied with that answer -- in the first place, Saturday night had been so intense I wasn't sure I had the energy for anything big on Sunday. We cuddled up and I helped her to relax and get to sleep.

Monday I actually got wrapped up in work and trying to get back into the swing of things that I didn't really give it much thought... but as we were coming downstairs for bed, earlier than usual, I realized what she had in mind.

"So what would YOU like for your reward?" she asked.

Immediately I started thinking through all the scenarios in my head. I hadn't looked at my kink ideas file since Saturday so didn't really have anything right at hand. My mind went to our closet, and everything we had in there.

I threw out a couple of ideas but didn't pick any one -- wanting to give her a choice and control over the situation. We laid on the bed for a few minutes, me tickling her back and side. Finally she stopped me, turned around and looked me in the eye.

"What do YOU WANT for your reward?" She was much more forceful.

I thought about the spreader bars I made last week. When I'd been at Home Depot picking up some 1x6s a few weeks ago to try and make a pillory (since I don't have the tools to do it with 2x6s), I also picked up some wooden dowels and eye bolts. For less than 10 bucks I made two 3 foot spreader bars that work surprisingly well. I'd modeled them for her Saturday night but we didn't really play and I was curious how it would go.

"I'd like you to put me on the spreader bars and some teasing and my curiosity is still getting me on the Icy Hot." Fuck, did I really just say that? I played it back through in my head. Yeah, I did.

"Go get them," she said. I went into the closet and came back out with spreader bars, cuffs, collar and Icy Hot in hand. I set about putting on the cuffs after she placed my collar on me, then she beckoned me onto the bed, face down. She locked my feet onto the first bar and then my arms, above my head, on the second. I reveled in the helplessness but knew that I wasn't completely helpless -- while modeling them (and testing them in the first place, for that matter), I had found I could move the arm one close enough to my mouth to work the buckle on the cuffs and get out. So while not completely secured, I wasn't about to try and get out while she stood over me and planned on trying out the Icy Hot in mere moments.

Or so I thought. She went and got a few things out of the closet, coming back and laughing at my predicament. She laid her spanker down on the bed next to my face, giving me a preview of what was to come. I got up on my hands and knees for her and tried my best to leave my ass open and exposed for her. She all too happily picked up the spanker and started in on my tender flesh. It was mere seconds before she had me moaning uncontrollably.

Just as the pain started to get more intense, she stopped. She set the spanker down and got the keys, removing the spreader bars and my cuffs. She left the collar in place, got the nipple clamps and put them on me, and we started making out.

"What's got you so worked up?" I asked her.

"Thinking about the other night," she answered, grinning.

"Me too," I said as I started kissing and biting her neck. She pulled me over her body, guiding my hard member over her pussy. She played for a second and then guided it in between the folds. My heart leapt at having not been warned before hand that I would not be cumming -- I thought I had a chance.

She picked back up the spanker and had me moaning and on edge in seconds. "Princess, may I cum?" I asked.

"No," she answered, practically laughing. I tried to focus on the fire in my ass and radiating from my nipples and managed a few minutes of holding myself back from the edge but then it was all suddenly there. I had to stop, completely, and force myself to focus on breathing very slowly.

As it turned out, this all happened while she was very close to an orgasm and I worried that my stopping would cause her to lose her edge... luckily she was just close enough to squeeze a small one out despite my complete lack of motion for the moment.

We played like that for a few more minutes until she pushed me off of her. I laid on the bed next to her for a minute until she rolled over and asked, "Do you still want to try the Icy Hot?"

Shit. I'd forgotten. Yes and no... maybe... I went back and forth in my head before I finally took a deep breath and said yes.

Wait, yes? Yeah, that was what I said. Shit. She grabbed the bottle and opened it up. I laid back and closed my eyes, trying to guess what it would feel like (I'd never tried it and wasn't sure at all what to expect -- right after we got it I tried some on my finger but fingers are FAR less sensitive than my junk). She put on what felt like a lot and just laid back.

At first, nothing. It seemed like it might have about as much effect as it did on my finger. I was relieved. Boy was I wrong.

Just about the time my wife was joking about the point where the label says that it is flammable and to keep it away from flame, fire tore across my balls. It felt like an oil refinery fire in the movies, where the fire starts at one point and races as fast as it can to completely fill the area. I looked at them, expecting to see something, anything, but all there was to see were my balls, plain as every day, from the outside there was nothing wrong.

From my perspective, I was wondering what the hell I had been thinking.if you'e never tried it, it burns, HOT, for a minute or two and then fades... only to come back again a minute or two later. She laid next to me, keeping my still, grinning evilly as the heat peaked and all I could do was lay there and force myself to breath and pray that the fire would go away. At one point she said to me, "I have bad news for you baby."

Despite trying to force myself to stay still, focusing most of my energy on the soul-crushing heat in my testicles, I managed to put together what she was going to say next. "You like it?"

"I do... you could be in real trouble."

When am I gonna learn to keep my mouth shut?!?

She let it go on for a while and then started trying to comfort me. At one point she was cupping my balls to try and give me relief, only to find that it had the opposite effect -- it made it heat up faster and hotter than just air on skin alone. I had to ask her to move her hand, which she did, and sit through the fire a lot sooner than I was ready.

This, of course, just gave her another idea. She let me lay there for a minute before warning me she was going to do it again. I laid back and tried to take it as well as I could, focusing on my breathing and trying to keep it steady. As the heat slowly built back up I started losing my focus, I had no chance of just laying through this. I started thrusting my hips, trying to get any sensation other than burning out of the area, and still she kept her hand firmly cupped over my balls. It got intense and I asked her if she could move it... "No," she said, smiling. Watching me writhe in pain beneath her. Watching me suffer because now she wanted me to, not because I was curious.

Finally she removed her hand when she was ready. Exposed to the air, the flames fanned hotter for a second before starting to cool. After she saw me relaxing a little she told me I could go ahead and try to wash it off -- to no avail. It had soaked into the skin enough that neither wash cloth nor shower was enough to stop the burning. I did my best to help her get to sleep while still dealing with pain off and on. It was getting less frequent and less intense but still there and very noticeable.

All I know after that is I had better be on my best behavior! No way I would try that willingly again!

Before drifting off to sleep, she asked me, "Do you feel rewarded?" A funny question to ask someone whose balls are on fire.

"Yes, I do Princess. Thank you for tonight." A funny sentiment from someone struggling to remember that there was no actual fire.

I finally fell asleep despite the sensation. I still don't think I've learned when to shut up.

Beg For It

2010-03-23T09:00:00.000-06:00

After her pedicure but before we went downstairs, she sent me down to put my plug in. I wondered if it might be to stretch me (it has been weeks since I wore it and even longer since she took my ass), but I have been trying to think less about what's coming and spend more time enjoying the moment. We sat and watched some TV while I was firmly plugged, I think she enjoyed the show coming from me as much as whatever we watched.

Before too long the TV was turned off. She didn't waste any time getting into the play after we were downstairs. She had me snap a few pictures of the new necklace with her digital camera, her sitting (kneeling, leaning over, in a few different positions) on the edge of the bed and I kneeling before her. I finished, setting the camera aside as she grabbed my hand to show me just how wet, how excited she was. Despite the growing discomfort in my knees, I reached into her nearly soaked panties and fingered her, quickly getting into her moaning and writing in pleasure above me. I quickly found my face buried between her legs, her moans getting louder and faster.

She moved from moaning to outright screaming. My first instinct was to remind her to quiet down... but then I realized the kids were gone. There was nobody there but us. She could scream as loud as she wanted and nobody would hear except the neighbors and they can be as jealous as they want.

Satisfied for the moment, she got up from the bed and headed in to the closet to find some toys for us both. I moved to her side of the bed, kneeling and waiting to see what she would bring out. As she rounded the corner of our room, toys in hand, I saw her Endless Pleasure and my nipple clamps, and it looked like maybe the strapon. I knelt up, closing my eyes as the clamps sent pain radiating out from my chest. She played with them for a second before sending me to the bathroom to remove my plug. Standing up, I saw that it was not the strapon but rather just the dildo from it -- just the one for my ass. I had a feeling I knew what was coming.

After removing my plug and cleaning up, I got onto the bed. She handed me the dildo and had me lube it up and I asked where she wanted me. "Oh it doesn't matter I'm not doing it."

I slowly inserted the rubber cock into my tender ass and couldn't help but moan as it penetrated me. She smiled as I started slowly thrusting it in and out, and then she reached down and started massaging her pussy. Satisfied that she was good and wet, she grabbed her Endless Pleasure and had me lube it up with my free hand, then slowly slid it into her. She turned it on and started moaning and writhing as it did the job I was being denied. It slowly fucked her, thrusting in and out at the same time as I was fucking myself with a dildo. I couldn't stand not being part of it, I asked if I could kiss her breasts. In between moans she said yes and I did my best to keep fucking myself while she played with her pussy, letting the vibrator fuck her and her fingers explore at the same time.

Suddenly she grabbed my free hand and guided it to the dildo in between her legs. I grabbed it and started helping it fuck her, finding something funny about there being two rubber cocks in my hand and mine was just left dangling, rock hard, between my legs. She came hard again, screaming uncontrollably, forgetting all about my predicament and moans as I continued to fuck myself.

As she started calming down and coming back to earth, she smiled and pulled the Endless Pleasure out of her dripping crevice. She held it in front of me and I knew what she wanted. While still fucking myself with the other dildo, I started cleaning off her juiced from her toy.

"How does it feel to be my little cock slut?" she asked. "One in your mouth and one in your ass?"

Having my mouth full, all I could do was moan in response. To be honest, I loved it, I loved that I felt like I was just being used and wasn't getting anything for myself at that point. She smacked my ass a few times while I kept going. After a few minutes of watching and enjoying my little show, she finally said I could stop and clean up.

I came back to the bed after putting the toys in the bathroom. She started playfully smacking my ass and grabbing my cock, still as hard as could be. She quickly escalated to hard smacks -- as hard as the last time -- and grinned every time I cried out. She guided me in between her legs and started rubbing my cock on the outside of her pussy. The sensation was powerful, my skin was already so sensitive.

She kept me there a long time -- just outside where I wanted to be most in the world -- spanking me with the leather paddle and teasing me. Finally, slowly, she pushed me in and pulled my face next to her.

"You will not be cumming. Do whatever you have to in order to make sure of that."

Point taken. I slowly thrust myself in and out of her, enduring the smacks and trying to focus on the pain of the leather hitting my skin and clamps now swinging around my chest. Occasionally I got daring and sat up and fucked her for a few seconds, trying my best to get her to climax without getting too close to the edge myself. No small feat considering how on edge I already felt.

We played like that for a while, her spanking getting more and less intense. She seemed to hit the same spot over and over. It started to feel like it was on fire... but still she spanked.

"So are you ready for bed?" she asked, pausing in between spanks.

"No?" I answered, certain that staying up meant more pain but I was so into the scene I didn't care.

"You don't sound so sure..."

"Please keep smacking my ass Princess."

"That's a good little pain slut," she said as she started up again. I did all I could do in response -- moan and scream and keep thrusting. After what felt like an eternity (but could only have been a few minutes) she grabbed the ring on my collar and pulled me close again.

Still spanking, she said, "I'm going to do a lot, I want you to keep fucking me as long as you can and I'll stop when you pull out."

I stopped and breathed slowly for a few minutes, waiting for it to start. "I want you to beg for it."

"Please spank me as hard as you can Princess." Nothing. "Princess, I need to be your pain slut, please smack my ass for as long as I can take it." My voice was desperate that last time, I really wanted it.

My ass was an explosion of pain as she started smacking, over and over, the same place, harder and harder. I continued my thrusting, getting harder, trying to focus now on the pleasure instead of the fire radiating from my ass. I started pounding into her, feeling the need to cum build up inside of me. Feeling the fire on my ass burn hotter. It became a race to see which sensation I would give in to first.

I lost count of the smacks. I know it had to be only a few seconds, maybe as many as 20, but it felt like a hundred. A thousand. It felt like it had been hours. Finally the pain got to be too much, I had to pull out. like a sailor diving for his life from a sinking ship, I jumped out of her warm wet pussy and the spanking stopped... but the fire just burned hotter for a while. We laid there, her arms around me, holding me close as I waited for my ass to cool.

After a few minutes, she sent me to clean up the toys and put everything away. She decided that she needed something for dessert, but being after 1:00 AM our options were pretty limited. In her best southern drawl, she said, "Put on your big boy panties, we're going to Wal-mart." Dutifully, I fetched my pink panties out of my drawer and put them over my still tender ass. We went to the store, our shared secret of the panties and my burning ass kept quiet.

If only I'd kept myself quiet -- I brought up the idea of Icy Hot while we were there... all too happy to oblige, she guided us to the pharmacy where we picked some up. Some day I'll learn to shut up... but for now, I'm enjoying the ride. I'm enjoying being her little cock slut. Her little pain slut. Whatever she wants me to be, because I love being her little Pet. I am so lucky.

We Interrupt Our Broadcast...

2010-03-21T23:50:00.004-06:00

Sorry for breaking up the story, I will post a link to part 2 on this article as soon as it is up! I just wanted to share this. You can find the continuation of our kinkiversary celebration here.

I've been trying to write part two but my writing tends to come in fits and spurts (I love that phrase, by the way, it sounds so dirty!). If I'm not feeling it, it's hard to force myself through and I'm never happy with what comes out. So part two of our kinkiversary is here, in part, but I'm not happy with it and I'm putting it aside for tomorrow to see if I can find that groove of writing about sexy.

I just wanted to share some of tonight while it's fresh on my mind. Today was a very long day and by the time we got home, we were both very tired. We got the kids in bed and I did a little housework (cleaned the kitchen, started laundry, etc), then set up the DVD player in our bedroom so she could watch New Moon. I started writing my second post about last night and she tried to offer me encouragement to get through it... and I realized I didn't want to write. I wanted to feel close to her.

I shut down my laptop, set it on the table next to the bed, and just cuddled up next to her for a few minutes. Then I got up and got her lotion to do her feet, making sure that she was good and taken care of. I knelt next to the bed afterward and asked if we could do my review. She smiled.

In summary, I had a stellar week. Focusing on doing at least one thing for her every day really worked wonders. Because I was looking out for what I could do for her (and keeping track of what I had done for her, a list which I'll share in a future, but imminent, post), my attention was on serving her and I really did great. What's more, because of my focus on her my attitude in general was good. I wanted to be a pleasure to be around this week.

As I shared this with her and finished with, "I think I deserve a reward," she smiled.

"I can tell you've been excited about this review."

I was, no doubt. It has been a long time since I had a review this good. I told her I was okay with waiting for my reward -- I knew how tired she was. Instead, I climbed up onto the bed and cuddled next to her, watching part of the movie (and trying desperately to keep my snarky and sarcastic comments to myself) and tickling her side and cuddling close to her until I heard her breathing even out. She had fallen asleep, essentially in my arms. I couldn't help but smile.

I got up to take care of the dog and finally felt a little but of that desire to write... but not about last night. I just wanted to share with you all how good it felt to have such a good week, and to finish so strong that she actually fell asleep before me. Something which almost never happens. I love that I was able to help her relax and drift off to sleep... and if you'll excuse me, I'll be joining her now. I may be tired in the morning... but it's worth it to hear her slumbering breath even now and know that I have done the best that I could this week in showing her how deeply I value her being my Princess and keeping me as her Pet.

Celebrating Two Years

2010-03-21T09:56:00.005-06:00

All I can say is what a night. Intense and intensely hot. My mind is still reeling his morning, trying to focus on all the things that I did for her. On what I was for her last night. First, the softer side of the evening:

A few days ago we were talking about last night and planning it a little bit. I asked her about dinner, if she wanted me to cook or if she wanted to go out. She went back and forth a little bit but ultimately decided to go out. She wanted a pedicure, no problem. And then she brought up sex.

"I don't want to have to plan it all," she started. I was confused, we were planning the night together.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want to plan out the scene for afterward," she said. I had been intentionally avoiding the subject -- while I did think we would have one, I didn't want to expect one. I thought about it for a second and then remembered my "kink ideas" file, which I created a few months ago. I put in a list of scenes I wanted as well as little things she could do. I offered to update that with some more, and to mark the ones that I thought would be really hot.

I should have waited for a time when my desires were less than at their peak to add to it! Still, I came up with a good dozen or so new ideas to add to the list and I marked 10 as ones that really appealed to me, some of them new and some that had been on the list before. I showed her how to get to the file again and she smiled as she told me that she liked some of them... but didn't offer to tell me which ones and I knew better than to ask!

We took the kids over to her sister's house and went out to dinner. We stopped to pick up some wine coolers on the way home and while it was only a few minutes after we walked in the door it felt like it had been an eternity before she sent me to fetch my collar. I knelt before her and accepted my collar, happy to be in my place.

The buckle closed and I basked in the feeling of my collar, secured around my neck. After a moment I asked, "Would you like to know what I got you?" She had forgotten I got her a present for the occasion. She nodded. "Do you have any guesses?" I asked her as I stood to retrieve it. She had none.

I pulled out the jewelry store bag and she got a big smile on her face. "I have a guess now," she said as I handed it to her.

A few months ago we had been at the mall and she stopped to look at some necklaces. They had a collection of key pendants with jeweled, heart-shaped handles that she stopped and looked at for a long time. Being observant, I mentally noted that as an idea but was careful not to say anything. This week, I took a little time and ran to buy one (after getting permission to spend the money of course!)

She opened it and smiled, and immediately took off the necklace she had worn to dinner to replace it. We took a few pictures with her phone so she could show her friends (who approved) and then, later, took some pictures with her good camera to show off here.

We spent a while still up in the living room. I was collared and shirtless and loving it, and I gave her a pedicure while we watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show (which I've never seen and we started about halfway through so I was thoroughly confused). I was swimming deep in my submissive feelings when she finally turned the TV off and we headed downstairs to find out just what scene she had in mind...

Happy Kinkiversary

2010-03-19T08:52:00.004-06:00

A less than over two years ago, my wife and I started this exploration into a female-led lifestyle. It's had its ups and downs for sure, but through it all we've grown so much closer and so much more in love with each other than we ever thought possible.

While I'm not as obsessed this year over hitting this milestone as I was last year (as seen in the posts here by my wife and here, here, here and here by me), it's still great to me that we are going strong after two years. I've had friends whose marriages didn't last that long, let alone a massive change dynamic of their relationship. To see that we are still having fun, still exploring, still playing at this stage is great.

The actual anniversary of our FLR arrangement is March 28, but next weekend will be too hard to celebrate due to other plans so we'll actually be celebrating on this Saturday. Her sister will be taking the kids, I've got some plans and am working on cementing the rest of them (after I talk to her and make sure SHE doesn't have plans!). It's going to be a busy day today getting everything I need, since tonight I'll be home with the baby while she is out and tomorrow is shaping up to be busy in the morning!

Still, I'm excited. I love getting a second day every year to celebrate an anniversary together, especially this one because it took such a leap of faith on my part to ask her to take the reins, as it were. And I've never looked back.

Edit: As a side note, it occurred to me that I haven't seen the word "kinkiversary" around much. I Googled and this post is the second link that comes up. Just interesting to note I think, don't really have anything specific to say about it.

Some Random Stuff

2010-03-18T17:00:00.001-06:00

Just a few miscellaneous things I wanted to post about without really having the time to focus enough to make any of these into a full post.

First, my last post was number 365. I've now written one post for every day of a year. That's craziness to me. February made a big difference in that number -- 31 posts in 28 days -- but still, that's a lot of writing, especially in just two years, for something done on the side and in my spare time. Thank you all for reading and commenting and keeping me going on this! It's been an incredible journey and I can't wait to break other milestones (1,000? 10,000?). It occurred to me as I saw it tick above 300 that I've actually written enough to fill a book... I've never followed any writing project through that far before!

Second, I'm still unlocked (going to go get some superglue today) but finally remembered to ask about my metal cock ring. Neither of us thought about it but I've had it on for two days now and it's like a little collar I get to wear all the time... I love it. It's a bit weighty though, I had to adjust my settings on Wii fit to take off another pound while it's on (I'm not sure exactly how much it weighs but it has to be at LEAST a pound). One of these days I'll buy an accurate bathroom scale and will be able to tell!

We also got our income tax refund and as we were getting ready for bed I asked my wife, "Have you thought at all about getting any new toys with this money?" I've had a really hard time with wanting to just go and buy something, it's been a while since we got any new toys like that (since the booty beads are still broken) and I've really been wanting a dildo gag. I can't stop thinking about it.

She answered me by saying, "Yeah. You need a new belt."

"I can just fix-"

She cut me off, "You need a new belt."

"I assume you have one in mind?"

"I do."

"Do I get to know what it is?"

"Maybe." Then, after a minute, "Do you have any guesses?"

I started to think. She's told me before that she likes the look of metal belts, but not a full belt. I would love to go and fill out my wish list at Locked in Steel but I have a feeling anything that complete is still a few years off. "Metal?" I guessed. She nodded.

I thought some more and then it came to me. She likes the cock shape and Thumper has had a lot of good things to say about the Steelheart. "One like Thumper's?" I asked.

I could practically hear her wicked grin as she said, "Yup." My cock stirred between us in bed, suddenly at attention. I was suddenly not so tired anymore. Apparently, there's going to be a solid chunk of stainless steel in my future, locked around my cock whether I want it or not.

Who am I kidding, I want it... I think!

EDIT: I've been given an assignment for tomorrow: to measure, look up, and do what needs to be done to order one. We looked together and picked the classic Steelheart. It seems strange to think about it but it's really happening.

She was also looking at Stockroom and told me that she would think about what to order, I can only imagine the hoops I will have to jump through to find out what it is!

Indirect Questions From Another Blogger

2010-03-18T09:00:00.001-06:00

On his blog, Forever Hers, the authors last post includes general questions for others in an FLR. While some have answered in the comments, and their answers are great to read through, I decided that these answers would be good to share with everyone.

He asks the following five questions:

1) Other then the learning curve did anyone experience anything negative about entering into a FLR?
2) What do you consider good punishment?
3) What do you consider bad punishment?
4) What has been the best part of your FLR ?
5) What has been the worst part of your FLR ?

Other then the learning curve did you experience anything negative about entering into a FLR?

Not really. This falls under learning curve but it took me a while to realize and accept that it wasn't going to be all kink all the time. I knew that would be the case logically but when she said yes my internal kink-o-meter went off the charts and all I could think about was all the kinky things I wanted to explore.

I still get that way sometimes but not as often and it's mostly when I've been locked up and denied for three weeks or even longer, and then I at least understand that it is due to the buildup of hormones and desperation within me and that sanity will, eventually, return.

What do you consider good punishment?

In general, "good" punishment is any punishment that is effective, although that's a vague and unhelpful answer. What constitutes a good punishment will change from person to person. For me, there are two hugely effective punishments: first is when she withdraws from the FLR. It has only happened once and it was because I masturbated without permission. It Sucked. Capital S Sucked. I felt terrible, and did most of the punishment to myself and still haven't stopped beating myself up about it a little bit.

The second is writing lines. I -HATE- writing lines. For one, my handwriting is terrible, so to have to go slow enough for them to be legible is bad enough. Two, I hate doing something repetitive when I've got so many other things to get done (tons of work, chores to do and the like). So to be forced to sit down and very slowly write the same thing over and over is torturous.

There are other punishments that I think would be effective for me -- corner time or chair time, or pretty much any restriction on my movement (without actual bondage), for much the same as reason two on writing lines. If I'm stuck in one place I'm not doing the other things I want to get done. But we haven't tried those (I've managed to be good enough not to need them) so how can I be sure?

What do you consider bad punishment?

I would say a bad punishment is a kinky punishment, for me anyway. Tying me up and spanking me? While lots of fun, not particularly punishing. Just the spanking? Again, not much of a punishment. Ruined orgasms? Walking a line but really not all that punishing, I still get to enjoy the sensations of building up to it and just because I let go when it would feel the best doesn't mean that I don't enjoy it up to that point.

Since I tend to kink pretty hard on BDSM it's hard to make a BDSM punishment actually punishing and not part of a scene that I enjoy on a sexual level. Maybe a severe spanking or something that moves beyond "fun" and into real pain, but she's never wanted to push the envelope that far (except for a few weeks ago, my last release, but then she wasn't intentionally causing pain to punish me she was just getting into the spanking and decided to fuck how I felt and just go with it while I fucked her).

What has been the best part of your FLR ?

While the added day-to-day kink has been fun, I'd say the best part is that it has brought us closer. We communicate so much better than we used to. I can look her in the eye and say, "I feel like..." whatever it may be and know that she is listening. And understand that she won't reject me for that. Even though it can be hard when the sentence goes something like "I feel like you don't care," or "I feel like you are ignoring me," I can say it and we can address the problem and move on. That has been the best part of the last two years.

What has been the worst part of your FLR ?

The waiting, for sure! I get to being like a little kid in a candy store, browsing the selection at JT's stockroom or extreme restraints and have to slow myself down and try to remind myself that it's up to her when we'll buy that new dildo gag or butt plug harness (or whatever it is). I have a hard time being patient sometimes! Especially when there's extra money in our bank account, I really have to utilize some self discipline and NOT just buy the things I want, I have to talk to her about it first and get permission (usually, even when we do have money, it's "We'll see" and then weeks or months of waiting on my part).

Other than that, I'd say things are pretty positive -- I don't regret asking her for a second, that's for sure. Sometimes we get out of sync and that's OK, that happens in all relationships. As long as I keep doing my part to stay focused as much as possible, things work out and we get back to fun, incredibly kinky times before we know it.

Weekly Review

2010-03-15T13:20:00.003-06:00

"I want you to ruin an orgasm."

My gut reaction was, What? Why? but I'm fairly certain I managed not to say that.

She had been very playful all day, teasing me and playing with my nipples. For my part I'd made it a pretty good day, I was finally feeling good and made a valiant effort at making it a day about her. This was just after my review and right before I was expecting to go to bed.

I went into the bathroom and fetched a towel and some lube, somewhat self conscious (I still have a hard time masturbating in front of her, standing at the side of the bed. For years I masturbated in private sitting down and it takes me a while to warm up any other way). Ever the willing helper, she got up and started pinching my nipples, scratching me, slapping my ass and rubbing up against me until I was very hot and bothered and the suddenly fighting to hold back a whimper as the sexual energy I felt dribbled out onto a towel on the bed.

The review itself had been lackluster. She was surprised at my assessment, not because she disagreed with it but she expected me to play up my week a lot more. I'd done okay. Not great. I'd had a good attitude. I kept up on things, doing great considering how much I had going on with work. But I hadn't really done anything to go above and beyond for her, which is why I finally decided no reward but I didn't deserve punishment either. She apparently expected me to try and push for a reward.

A new thing to our reviews is that she asks what I'm going to do to make it a better week. The question still catches me off guard. After a moment of thinking, I told her I would do at least one thing for her outside of what I would normally do. This morning, after taking our son to school, I stopped and got her car washed -- it needed to be done, badly. She talked about taking it to get done last week and just never did. So I took an extra ten minutes out of my morning to do it for her.

You may notice that I'm unlocked currently. I split the seam on the new belt, so now I have four half belts (well, not exactly but close enough). I need to finish splitting the second one apart now so I can clean it up and try to glue them both back together. In the mean time, I'm on the honor system.

And Out Of The Dust And Smoke Arose...

2010-03-14T11:26:00.003-06:00

A bit dramatic of a title, I suppose, but I'm feeling at least mostly normal right now and my twisted sense of humor is, clearly, alive and well.

So, when last we spoke with the hero of our story, he was being steamrolled by work and sickness and fighting off both demons with all his remaining strength. Quite the 1, 2 punch that was, too -- Too tired to focus on work so it just kept stacking up, too sick to sleep well enough to get feeling better.

Finally, I started getting better only to find that the kids were now getting it. Or had it all along and I just hadn't noticed. Regardless, whatever this bug is has been floating around our house all week, culminating in my son bursting an eardrum and having strep throat. Party party.

While not cleared out yet, I'm starting to feel a lot more myself. I turned on my computer yesterday and opened up my RSS reader to see just how far I've fallen behind in the last two weeks -- there are a lot of blogs out there I need to catch up on! It's good to see that so many of you had so much going on, I can't wait to read it all!

As you may have read in my wife's post, Sick!, we haven't been able to sync up lately -- either I've not been feeling up to anything or she hasn't or the kids have made the possibility of anything impossible. We've been trying to be careful to keep them away from sitters and other people's kids just so that we don't share our precious pathogens with anyone else. Of course, that has resulted in a month which had a lot of prospects for nights without the kids being half gone and none of those possibilities realized yet.

My wife's sister may be able to take all three overnight twice this month at some point -- that is, if all three of them are not sick. Her daughter has had some health issues and so we're trying to be hyper aware of sending our kids over there sick. My mom also typically takes all of the grandkids overnight before our family Easter lunch which will be the week before Easter this year, meaning we should be able to get rid of our older two (I hope anyway, she usually won't take them if they aren't potty trained and our three year old is still struggling with that whole idea but I figure if I ask nicely enough it might happen). So there's three nights, either completely or mostly childless that, back in February anyway, I had great plans for being hot nights of kinky sex.

As it is, I'm just hoping that my wife is feeling well enough tonight for some play, because this morning I woke up and could only be described as ridiculously horny.

Over the past few weeks I've had some occasional dreams related to D/s. In one of them, my wife was writing on me with a sharpie -- something that I've always found to be an interesting idea but not anything we've really tried. I suppose we haven't really talked about it (although I told her after I told her about the dream that I would like to try it sometime). After telling her that, we were laying in bed and she started writing on my back, "Property of your Princess," with her finger. It was hot, although the cloud of fuzz in my head made it difficult to tell what she was writing. I had to ask her to re-write it a few times before I figured it out.

Last night was peppered with hot dreams. In one, we were sitting in the back of a car and she suddenly leapt over to my seat, making out with me and pinching my nipples. I got so worked up that I woke myself up, rock hard and grinding into the bedding a little bit. In another one, she had my hands tied behind my back and we were going about our day as if nothing going on -- I was doing laundry in my dream with my hands restrained behind me. Holy hotness!

I suppose the brief point of this post is that I'm feeling better for sure and hope to get back into my rhythm of posting and providing excellent service to her. Which reminds me, I should probably stop writing this and get back to making crepes for breakfast!

Down With The Sickness (Redux)

2010-03-08T09:34:00.002-07:00

So my posting streak was violently hacked to pieces by the virus currently residing in my respiratory system. My apologies for the radio silence this past weekend, I just didn't have the energy to focus on thinking of something to say or writing a "fluff" piece so the blog has just sat, somewhat neglected.

While not entirely better I am at least on the mend, it feels like the truck that ran me over at least didn't stop to back up and do it again. Hopefully after today my head will stop swimming and I can actually get some real productive work done.

That's not to say that my wife and her needs were completely ignored this weekend. In fact, I think I did a pretty damn good job considering how I was feeling. I managed to keep up on the dishes and yesterday even spent some time really cleaning the kitchen, the kids were fed and taken care of and Saturday she was able to go and be out with her friends all day.

All that said, my review last night was still mixed. I didn't get any punishment because she understood that my work week absolutely sucked and being sick at the end of the week made it hard to get on top of some of the other things I wanted to do. So on into a new week with a new determination to be better, we'll see how it goes from here.

It's Only Thursday?

2010-03-04T10:16:00.004-07:00

So why was it 11:00PM on Wednesday night before I finally pushed Publish on the rest of my post about Sunday?

As you might have guessed, work. Work has been utterly insane this week.

Monday I met with a client about doing a new web page. Yay for business, not so yay for what they wanted and how much time I have free to do it... but I committed to making it happen and making it happen fast because they're a good client and I would hate to lose them over something like that. Then Monday afternoon, another client had their main office server go down. Hard.

Tuesday I had to bounce between both jobs trying to get the server and get it back online and trying to keep my full time job happy. I ended up having to bring the dead server back to my office to do some file recovery which mean Wednesday morning I had to go back to heir office to restore their documents and accounting files onto a temporary "server" (and that term is used very lightly, it was just the fastest desktop they had in the office), leaving me working all day Wednesday. I didn't really stop working until I started writing my last post around 10:00 PM.

So wow, what a start to my week after such a release. I had really hoped to show more focus and dedication to her but dedication and focus to her don't pay the bills I'm afraid. Still, I think overall I did a good job of communicating with her what was going on, being available to help with the kids and, at least nominally, keeping up on some housework.

I also recognize that she has done a lot to help me out, recognizing the stress I have been under. She has been very forgiving of my chores and last night she even cleared off the table for me. So I'd like to very publicly thank her for her patience with me as I try to get my work back under control.

Today things are starting to look a little less crazy -- my brother is taking care of getting a new server ordered and built for that client which means that I can let him run interference with them now until the new server is built (and then he and I both will probably need to be there to get everything migrated over). A few days to focus on getting a few more things crossed off my todo list.

Hopefully I can keep my stress in check, and thanks for letting me rant about all that's going on at work!

What A Day, Part 2

2010-03-03T22:08:00.003-07:00

After a few minutes of deliberation in my head and lots of teasing from her about why I didn't want to cum, I finally said, "I'd like some bondage and teasing... the rest I'll leave up to you."

"It's always up to me," she said. Very true. "Go get the rope and my spanker. Yes, I said rope."

My excitement was pretty much through the roof. I brought all of the rope we have, which isn't much and wasn't impressively stored, and gave her the spanker while I tried to untangle all the rope. "Give me your hands," she said. I held them up for her and she tied them together, then tied them to the bed post. She had me kneel on the bed and started spanking me. We quickly found that each smack was much more powerful than our normal position, having my cheeks stretched in that way gave much less padding and had me feeling it much more.

She tied my feet together and then took the tail of the rope and tied it to my straining, erect member. "I forget how much fun rope bondage can be," she said as she looped the rope around my pulsating flesh.

She spanked me for a few more minutes and then removed the rope from my cock and had me lay down with my head hanging off the bed. She straddled my face and had me lick her. I love doing it that way -- although it's much harder to get her off, I feel very helpless in that position. With her sweet pussy lips over my mouth and my nose buried in her ass, my whole world becomes her taste, her scent and the sight of her lovely round cheeks. Unfortunately, it didn't last long because she got uncomfortable. She climbed up onto the bed and turned around, letting me lick her for a while longer.

Smiling, she scooted down my mostly helpless body and set my member between her warm lips, making sure that I couldn't quite get in. She enjoyed herself, teasing me in my desperate attempts to thrust into her. After an agonizingly long time, she guided me into her and then sat all the way down, presenting me from thrusting. I struggled, I wiggled, I whimpered... but she sat firm. I managed to find a position where I could move a little bit. "Impressive," she said.

Finally she couldn't wait any more and needed something actually moving inside her. She untied my feet and undid my wrists from the corner of our bed, but left my hands tied. "Go get my Endless Pleasure," she said. I did, hands still tied, and even managed to put batteries in it. Before long she was moaning and writing in pleasure to my ministrations with the dildo as it fucked her.

After a good hard orgasm she had me pull it out and pulled me on top of her. I slowly entered her and found myself very quickly on edge. However, as I entered her she told me that I would not be cumming so I didn't even bother asking, I just did everything I could to slow it down. We played at that for a long time, me thrusting at various speeds and stopping myself before I got too close.

Smiling, she said to me, "You haven't even ASKED if you could cum."

"You said I wasn't going to..." I started.

"Fair enough." She picked up the spanker and started peppering my ass with smacks while I moved in and out of her. I found that if I focused on the pain and the sensation of smacking, I did a lot better at my self control... the heat slowly radiating from my left ass cheek was enough to distract me from the building desperation in my body to just let fly. Slowly I started fucking harder and as I did she started smacking harder, losing herself in the sensations of sound and pleasure.

"Princess may I cum?" I asked.

"No."

More thrusting. She started hitting harder. And harder. It started moving beyond the fun erotic play spanking and into hurting. I couldn't control my moans. I started just barely holding back from crying out in pain... the sounds that I did make only got her hotter and hitting harder.

"Princess may I please cum?"

"No."

My world became a whirlwind of sensations. Her pussy surrounding my member with each thrust. The sound of leather hitting flesh as she spanked me over and over. The explosion of pain as she blindly smacked harder and harder. The helpless moaning sounds escaping my lips. Her moans of pleasure. Even now it's still mostly a blur.

At some point, she started smacking as hard as she could and said, "Fuck me." No simpler way to say it.

"May I cum?"

She didn't say anything, just nodded, vehemently. I fucked. I fucked hard and fast. My whole being focused on the building need inside me, that pressure I had been holding back for minutes that felt like ages. It can't have been more than five seconds but in my mind (and especially three days later), it feels like a life time.

It. Was. Intense.

We both walked away from that shaking. It took me a good two minutes to come down from the rush of endorphins and the heat radiating from my body. It seems like every time I flexed my muscles, more of my seed spilled out. It felt like gallons... though I know it wouldn't have been much at all.

I am so incredibly lucky. I love her so much.

What a Day, Part 1

2010-03-02T22:04:00.002-07:00

Sunday was a very, VERY long day, to say the lease. As mentioned in my post yesterday, I was finally granted release and it was so incredibly amazing that I don't think I could describe it adequately.

The day itself started out normally enough for my days of late: I was desperately horny and she seemed intent on keeping me that way. It's a system that seems to work for us. At one point, she was laying face-down on our bed and I climbed up on top of her, pretending to hump her. Twisted, desperate, horny thoughts getting the best of my judgment, I laid down and whispered into her ear, "Just think how it would feel to have my cock filling your tight little ass..."

Her moan of pleasure was all I needed. I verbally teased her for a few minutes, since I couldn't really get to since both of our pants were on. I got her good and worked up and then one of the children interrupted us. A few minutes later, I was sitting at my computer desk and she came over, closed the bedroom door and said, "I need you."

I rubbed her pussy to a quick orgasm and then also was allowed to lick her to another one. The rest of the day, any time I mentioned how horny I was, she just told me that she was good, she'd had hers.

As I knelt down to do my review, I didn't hesitate at all to list what a good week it had been, all the things I'd done for her and to help her out and how on top of my chores I had been (I even got all the laundry, ours and the kids, washed, dried, folded and put away before the weekend was out. Most weekends I can only get ours done). I definitely didn't hesitate when I said I deserved a reward.

Then she asked what I wanted. There, I hesitated.

What did I want? My first thought was bondage, of course, but that wasn't what she was asking, not really. Did I want release? Did I want to ask for release? I was torn. On the one hand, the desperation to cum was welling up inside me, deeply, powerfully... on the other, I knew (and she knew) how disappointing it would be to lose that feeling, that need, because of what it did for me.

I'm not necessarily talking about subdrop, although that's part of it. I can submit to her without that need within me, it is a conscious choice on my part and does not depend entirely on the hormones building up from denial. However, there is something else, a closeness we feel when I haven't cum for weeks... I tend to think of it as that puppy-dog feeling, where I could be just as happy curled up at her feet as sharing our bed. That is much harder to find right after a release... but so powerful when we do find it, a week or two later.

So... what did I want?

So Much To Tell

2010-03-01T19:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was intense. So intense that my mind is still reeling at the thought of everything that happened. Teasing. Lots and lots of teasing. All day long. During the day I was allowed to go down on her and rub her pussy to orgasm. Lots more teasing.

Come bedtime, there was rope bondage and spanking and fucking and tons more teasing until I was so desperate I thought I might cry. Which, apparently, is right where she wants me. I thought for sure I wasn't going to get to cum, I didn't even start asking permission until we had been playing for what must have been more than an hour.

Good god was it good. My Princess is amazing.

Sorry for the short post, today has been crazy, too crazy to make time for a detailed post... but it was good. Soooo good. I'm determined to be on my best behavior this week and not disappoint her.

Details to follow tomorrow. I promise.

S-A, T-U-R, D-A-Y, Night!

2010-02-28T15:00:00.000-07:00

Last night, my cousin and his wife came over for dinner and to watch a movie with us (The Invention of Lying, if you haven't seen it go rent it now. I'll wait.)

Well, OK, I won't wait. But it's worth it, Ricky Gervais is hilarious and the not-so-subtle pokes at religion are great. Anyway, with my cousin over, trying to keep my desire for my wife subtle was key. Ever since Friday night my first thought every morning has been to roll over and fuck her before she is awake enough to say no -- except for my damn belt being in the way!

After they left, she started teasing me that it was late and we were too tired to play. All the bloodflow being down south, I couldn't think of a better reason to have sex than that I have had a great week and that it would help her get to sleep (both true). She laughed and said, "If we had sex, you wouldn't enjoy it." Noted. The horny little beast in me still wanted some.

We got downstairs and she started looking through our toybox, trying to find something she wanted to play with. Dutifully, I went and knelt by the bedside. After a few minutes she walked over with my nipple rings in hand and took off my sweater, ordering me to put them on. "You might want to go ahead and use the bathroom," she said. I didn't see her grab anything else so I could only guess that she was thinking anal play.

I came back out and she surprised me by unlocking my belt. "Go clean up," she said, indicating I should wash off my member. "Grab a towel while you're in there," she continued. I brought out a hand towel and she had her gloves and the lube. I was so horny I thought we might actually be able to complete a milking. As I laid on the bed, my ass in the air, her fingers seemed to gravitate to my prostate instantly and I got into the sensation. At one point I could feel something coming out, it turned out to just be a lot of precum. She kept going for a good half hour and I kept feeling like I was close to cumming (hard to explain to someone who hasn't tried milking, but it was like I had to urinate and it was just right there waiting for my body to start the process) but she decided to stop.

I started cleaning up. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked me.

"Cleaning up?"

"I don't recall telling you to clean up," she said. I straightened the towel back out on the bed. She started stroking my soft flesh and it grew to rock hard pretty quickly. She put some lube on and I was enjoying the sensation for a minute. She grabbed my hand and put it on my member. "You know why I had you leave the towel, don't you?"

Internally I cried a little. "You want me to ruin an orgasm," I said.

"Good boy. Get to it."

I started stroking and soon enough felt myself get close to the edge. Sorry little buddy, I thought as I let go of my shaft as soon as I hit the point of no return. The last 26 days of frustration dribbled out of me into a little pile on the towel as my body flexed over and over, trying to get some sensation from the air around me.

She had me clean up and for a moment I thought we were done... until she said, "Now what are you gonna do for me?"

I started kissing her neck, her back, her side. At one point I tried to undo her bra but she stopped me. I asked if I could lick her, she said no. All she wanted was hard flesh in between her legs. I was happy to try and oblige.

You would have thought that having ruined an orgasm not 10 minutes before, I would have had a little staying power... but no, it turns out that by the time I had managed to fuck her over the edge once I was approaching the edge myself. I managed to hold off by slowing down, stopping here and there, and doing most of the hard fucking while I was sitting up away from her but I was yelling Big Bang Theory quotes in my head while we were at it. I'm not sure how many she had but she finally pushed me off of her and we laid together for a minute, my desperate member still sticking up and her basking in post-orgasmic bliss.

Usually it takes her a while to fall asleep but after a scene like that, she was out within 15 minutes... I, on the other hand, was up for a while trying to focus on the midnight How It's Made marathon and just how they make fireman's boots instead of the desire to grab my cock and give it just the few strokes it would take to get me over the edge.

It was a long night.

What a Month!

2010-02-28T06:00:00.002-07:00

For the first few days of this month, this blog was as it has always been -- I posted when I had something to say. I just happened to get a few days in a row and felt the urge to keep going -- to make sure I posted at least once every day. This post is number 31 for the past 28 days, and I have indeed posted at least once every 24 hours (in part thanks to the post scheduling features of Blogger but how it was done isn't the most important point I have to make). I feel like I've only had to put up a few "filler" posts -- posts that weren't really specific to things going on right here and now, just something to give me a post on that day. The rest of the time has been me, what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling and what's going on between my wife and I.

So what's on my mind as I wrap up this month of posting?

A few things, actually.

One, we've hit the longest stretch of intentional denial of my orgasms. While I have gone longer (my counter has gone as high as 7 weeks), that was due to my wife's postpartum period and it was fairly easy to do because there wasn't any sort of sexual play going on for most of that time. We were focused on the baby, and on moving, and on everything else going on so my mind was very infrequently on what had built up in between my legs. I was allowed release on the first and we have made it nearly 4 weeks (unless something happens between the time I am writing this and the time the post appears!). Had my release been a day earlier, I could have actually skipped a full calendar month for the first time since we started this journey together.

Two, the views and hits on my blog have been amazing. There are some very interesting milestones I hit this month thanks to all of you coming back to visit every day. First is that I broke 100,000 total hits since my blog went live. That's huge for me. In fact, we soared right past it -- as of the time of this writing, there have been 106,000 page hits since I started recording stats. Second is that there were more than 10,000 page hits this month. As of right now, 10,425 and there's still two full days of viewers left. I'm also seeing more than triple the number of hits every day compared to the same time period last year.

Three, I have learned to notice the things my wife does for me and the things that I can do for her. I have tried to improve my service to her every week and despite some issues at work I feel that I've managed to do so. As we come to the end of February I think that I will have my most positive weekly review to date. After last week's rather lackluster review I was determined to finish strong and I hope my wife will agree that I have done so this week.

So thank you all for coming back and reading and commenting and participating in this blog with me. This month has been an interesting experiment and has given me a lot of things to think back on as we move into a new month. Will I keep up this pace of posting? I certainly hope so, although I'll try to focus more on the here and now and less on filler material. But if there's something you want to know about, something you want me to talk about, please feel free to post a comment asking me. I'm more than happy to answer your questions or pass your ideas on to my wife -- although I may want to be careful about that last one!

Thank you for letting me share my experiences with all of you!

The Service Here Is Excellent

2010-02-27T10:30:00.002-07:00

So on my post Reflecting, I had a comment asking why this blog focuses on me and my kinks and fetishes so much more than the service I provide to my wife. After all, service is part of the name of the blog, not kink.

It's a good point, and a fair one. I really don't focus much on the service I give to my wife. I suppose there are a few reasons for that.

One, which I mentioned in my response to Serving B's comment, is that the kink is more fun to talk about. It gets me hard (or as hard as I can get) when we're doing it, it gets me hard (or as hard as I can get) when I'm writing about it. I also imagine it's a lot more fun to read about.

Two, I've tried to keep this blog focused on what I'm thinking about... and while it may be a little narcissistic, it is what it is. I try not to filter or censor what I'm thinking about, which has the tendency to leave my posts a little more me-centric than someone who supposedly tries to live every day in service to his wife.

A few posts ago (What's Changed?), I mentioned some of my day-to-day chores. In brief, they are the dishes and making our bed every day, as well as helping with the kids (in a meaningful way) as soon as I am done working for the day. Aside from these, I'm also responsible for the laundry every week and making sure the garbage cans throughout the house are not full (or if they are, taking them out before she has to prompt me to).

Those are really the only regular, assigned chores that my wife simply expects to be done without having to say anything. Other things, like cleaning the bathroom, scrubbing floors, organizing messes in other rooms, and cleaning up family living space are extras. She may ask me to do them when she goes out, or I'll put them on a mental todo list for the next time I have a few minutes. Sometimes I'll let her know I've done them, other times I just do them and if she recognizes it I am happy to accept her thanks and if not I'm just as happy.

Beyond housework, and this week especially, I try to help with the kids. She watches her friend's baby during the day time. He is four months old, our youngest is seven months old. Two babies that young means that there are times (some days lots of times) when both babies need attention -- both need to be changed or fed, one is going down for nap at the same time as another, or one is getting up from nap as the other is going down, or any combination of these. Sometimes this gets stressful for her and even though I've got my own work to do, I try to make an effort to listen for times that she may need some extra help upstairs and will step away from my work where possible to step in and soothe one while she takes care of the others.

I try to make sure that she's always got water in her water bottle that she keeps on her bedside table. We have a bedtime routine now where I get her pills, rub her feet, pick up any laundry on our floor and put it in our basket, then clean up the pills and lotion and we go to bed together.

I also take care of her computer -- keep it up to date, make sure it's working properly, check the antivirus software and keep an eye on its performance.

I guess thinking back on it, most of the things I do for her to make her life easier and that I do to serve her are little things. I try to make it a lot of little things which add up to a much easier time of things for her overall. I suppose part of why I don't post about it very often is that I try not to make a big deal out of the things I do for her. I tend to think of my service to her as the everyday things that I do, and because they just tend to be a lot of little things (running to the store here to get her a drink, picking up a few items of clothing our kids have left in the living room or hallway, emptying out the bathroom garbage cans even when they're mostly empty because there is a diaper in them) I don't really think about them.

I try to make my service to her automatic, not something I have to put effort into and then detail here to get recognition for. Any recognition she wants to give (and any associated rewards) shouldn't require my prompting through posting here about what I've done.

Interesting. I just re-read my post and when I started writing it I had a different end point in mind, but this seems a lot more like where I was trying to get: I don't talk about my service to her much because it's not a big deal. That's not to say that it's not important to me -- it is, very much so -- but just that it's almost automatic. The stuff that stays on my mind, the fun stuff, is the kink and the play and the places where she meets me halfway and shows me what a lucky sub I am, to be kept in chastity and played with and teased and rewarded and punished and whatever else she wants whenever she wants.

It Always Feels Like...

2010-02-26T21:26:00.003-07:00

Not really, of course, but sometimes one must wonder.

Having been allowed to wear my collar the past several nights, the chore of taking the dog out to do his business has resulted in me more than once recently out in the backyard in my collar. I've wondered if any of the neighbors noticed... although it's not particularly likely, I wear a heavy coat and unless you were looking closely you wouldn't be able to see it.

Tonight was a little different though. My wife is out with her friends (somewhat impromptu plans) and felt bad that she was leaving me at home (despite my assurances that it was fine). I tried to organize a LAN party but my friends were all busy and couldn't make it. Just before she left, she suggested I could wear my collar.

"Would you put it on for me?" I asked her. She nodded and I hurried downstairs to get it before she left. I brought it back up to her in the kitchen where she was standing.

She had a hard time putting it on (in part because I was standing and she's not used to putting it on me while reaching up), so I offered to kneel. As she fiddled with the buckle while I was on my knees in front of her, she laughed and said, "You know, our neighbors can see right in the door."

The back door of our house is a large sliding glass door which we haven't yet put blinds in front of. Having three young kids, the thought of paying for blinds that are just going to be pulled down was not appealing. But with the kitchen lights on and the back porch lights off... anyone looking at our house would have had a clear shot of me kneeling before my wife while she buckled a leather collar around my neck.

I doubt anyone saw or really cared if they did see... but the thought of someone knowing has me all hot and bothered now. I've done a few chores around the house, I plan to clean some more before I relax and play some video games... and now I've got the song from the title stuck in my head. The Geico version, of course!

Reflecting

2010-02-26T07:53:00.003-07:00

Last night, I was allowed to sleep in my collar again. I asked her if I could, after we were very definitely ready for bed. She laughed and asked how many days in a row it had been. "Three, so far," I answered.

"Go ahead," she said. I got it and felt that familiar submissive buzz rise up within me as she closed the buckle. My crotch responded by hardening in its place.

That was it for the kink last night -- just putting my collar on -- but good god was it good. Waking up in the middle of the night, finding it still encircling my neck is a powerful reminder. I even worked out with it on this morning, since our oldest spent the night at his grandma's house and the younger two don't usually get themselves up. It was nice, feeling the ring smack against my chest as I walked. Imagining her behind me, telling me the collar could not come off until I was done. Or smacking my ass every time I stepped down off the Wii balance board. Or Or or....

All this thinking has me thinking back to when this started. I even went and found the original e-mail I sent to her and read it again. I'm so glad I mustered up the courage to hit the send button on that one!

For those who don't know, here's the brief version of how it all began. One night while she was out with her friends two years ago (a not uncommon occurrence, it usually happened once every other week or so), I was at home and still very much in the habit of surfing porn, masturbating and then playing games until either she got home or I was too tired. That night we had been texting back and forth pretty heavily and she had me horny and expecting sex when she got home, so I wanted to be sure I didn't ruin it by cumming. I tied a small silk bag around my member (more symbolic than anything) and started looking at porn. My desire to not cum found me looking at male chastity sites. And getting very excited.

The texting continued. At one point, she said that she felt she was too tired so I said she could just owe me a hot scene (which I detailed for her what I wanted, very much a femdom scene) and I wouldn't expect her to do anything that night. She agreed and I finally let go my self control and had a very powerful orgasm. Afterward, I spent a little while longer reading through stories on Altarboy's site and then went back to playing games until she got home.

When she got home we laid in bed and talked for a while, and I told her that I'd been looking at male chastity devices and managed to mumble out the question, "If I bought one would you play along with me?"

"Sure," she answered. The fantasy was so hot, the fact that she accepted it so much hotter, that even though I had already cum once just an hour or so before she was able to stroke me to release and we slept great.

I ordered my belt the next morning. By the middle of the next week, it had arrived. I spent a few days in stealth submission, wearing the belt on my own, getting used to it, finding the incredible power of it all... that Thursday, she went out with her friends again and after an imagined scenario (I was collared, cuffed and belted and was told I would not be getting release unless I scrubbed the bathroom ceiling to floor) I was so hot and into it I wrote her an e-mail.

I put a lot of thought into it and wanted to be sure it wasn't too pushy and wasn't about femdom, but about FLR. After I wrote it I stared at it a long time, reading and re-reading it. Was it too much? What would she say? How would she react? I hovered my mouse over the send button for a long time before I finally closed my eyes and forced myself to push down with my finger, sending it off.

And immediately having to fight the urge to go delete it from her e-mail.

I took a few deep breaths and distracted myself by playing a game before bed.

The whole next day, I anxiously awaited her saying SOMETHING about the e-mail... but nothing. I helped her clean the house, and then I went off to a concert with my cousin. Right before I left, she told me she had read the e-mail and we would talk that night.

I enjoyed the concert but the whole time I couldn't stop thinking about what she might say. I managed to get through the night without seeming too distracted and then when I got home we talked. After a long discussion she finally understood what I wanted and said to me, "Like I would say no." Those five words sent us on a journey that neither of us have regretted and has brought us amazingly close over the past two years.

So in my reflections, I realized I never actually shared that e-mail. This was at a point that my ability to talk about something so deeply personal as a lifelong fantasy was hard for me to do face to face, so that's what I'm talking about at first. And when I say she doesn't owe me, I'm talking about that big scene that I'd gotten her to promise me that night a week prior.

So, mostly unedited (names removed obviously, although I really did sign it the way I show), here is the e-mail which started it all:

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all day… both in a sexual and non-sexual way. I’m just gonna kinda ramble and then I’d like to take some time with you to talk about this stuff another time (not just through e-mail) too.

The first thing I want to say is that you don’t owe me. I know that seems weird coming from me (I was really looking forward to it) but it was wrong of me to ask you to do that. Well, not wrong as in I shouldn’t be asking you to fulfill my fantasies, but wrong in that I was being very selfish about how I wanted you to do it.

As I’ve been reading through some very interesting material the last few days, I’ve come to realize that being submissive means that I should be putting your desires first – and I’ve decided I really want to be submissive (hence all the extra housework). Not because I think I’ll get something out of it, not because I want to be your complete slave (fantasies aside), but because it truly makes me feel better to be doing things for you.

There’s actually a term for what I did – it’s called topping from the bottom. By laying out the whole scene, I was actually the dominant one, even though in the scene I was tied up. Instead what I want is to submit to you – whatever that means (whether it means you just want a backrub and some sleep or if it means you want teasing or you want to tease me or you want to be tied up). I want our love making to be something devoted to you – not something about fulfilling unrealistic fantasies I’ve picked up from too much porn and too much masturbation.

I realized its very hard for me to open up about this (hence the e-mail instead of waiting until I can just talk to you about it). Its not until I’ve read about other people’s real (healthy) relationships that I’ve realized that what I want isn’t some leather-clad whip-wielding wife to control my every move, but instead I want to shower you with affection and make you feel like a Goddess.

There are so many things running through my head right now but I want to lay out exactly what I am hoping to achieve through this e-mail:

1) To really communicate why I’ve been trying to do so much more for you the last week
2) To tell you that I want to dedicate myself to serving you – whatever that means (even if it means throw out the bondage stuff and we only make love from now on)
3) To make it easier to talk about these things with you
4) To help us build more trust and communication about sexual desires

What I don’t want is for you to think I am trying to change you or trying to change our relationship into something extreme – I want you to know that. You are my everything and I just want to show you that every day for the rest of my life by making you feel like a Goddess.

I love you my Goddess, I want so much to talk to you about this.

Love,

Your dedicated servant

Patience Has Its Rewards

2010-02-25T06:59:00.004-07:00

Monday, I posted about a little disconnect between us. As I said, there are reasons for it and while I was disappointed that we didn't do anything, I also understood and did my best not to pressure her at all. As a reward for my immediate behavior, I was allowed to sleep in my collar.

Tuesday, she was clearly feeling much better. Throughout the day we would stop to make out while we passed, I was making an effort to show her how much I desired her. At one point, she said, "Hmm, a little more of this and I might have been in the mood yesterday." Noted, sometimes I forget that my being horny isn't enough and I should put more effort into showing her physically how desperate I am. Just the effort I put into that is usually enough to get her there too.

Tuesday being coffee night, I was left at home with the kids. after I got them off into bed I sent her a text to that effect, not expecting anything. Pretty much immediately, the text I got back said to put on my collar and my plug. Immediately I was swimming in a submissive headspace and did as she asked. It's been a long time since I wore my plug but found it went in easily (and the pain issues I've had the last few times we tried anal play were nowhere to be found).

I enjoyed the sensations of being full, of my plug moving around inside me as I finished some housework, and the nervous thrill of taking the dog out with my collar on (he needed to go and I didn't have permission to remove it). At the height of my level of desire came Miss Christina's comment about bathroom control and being in the submissive space I was in, it sounded like a good idea at the time. We'll see how that one plays out!

When bedtime came, I asked if I should remove my collar and was told to leave it on. Two nights in a row collared... I woke up in a great mood yesterday!

Yesterday was another good day. In addition to starting the bathroom and shower control (which is going well but I'll save details on that for another post in a day or two), last night I was given another reward for my patience and my good week so far.

We had been upstairs watching shows but turned off the TV a lot earlier than usual. Downstairs, I gave her the nightly footrub she expects and got her ready for bed. While she was in the bathroom I got on the computer and was checking my e-mail and Facebook. She came over to the desk and asked if I wanted to play or just catch up on Facebook. I don't think I've ever gotten up so fast from my desk chair.

She led me by the hand into the closet. She was all but undressed, wearing only panties, while I had not yet stripped for the night. Standing in the closet she slowly helped me out of my clothes, leaving me entirely naked except my belt. She pulled out my collar and cuffs from our toybox, and then in a move that surprised me pulled out our ballgag. She's told me before that she's not a fan of it so I tend to just leave it for my self bondage... but this time in it went and then I was facing the shelves in the closet while she decided which rings she wanted me secured to.

We've not often tried having my neck locked but I do have rings in the center for that. She locked my neck to a center post and my arms were spread above me. She teased me for a few minutes, pinching and scratching before she got out the nipple clamps and let them do the torturing. Already writing and moaning in pleasure, I barely noticed as she got two more things out of the toy box -- the leather spanker and a bullet vibe.

She traced the vibrator around my body, teasing me by placing it on the cage to my belt or on my nipple clamps, interrupting the pleasurable vibrations with sharp, hard spanks. Sometimes two or three in a row. I could barely move, and found that as I spread my legs to allow her easier access to her throbbing cock with the vibrator, it forced my body downward and made the neck lock all the more uncomfortable.

I'm not sure how long she played like that but I was an oozing puddle of submissive jelly by the time she was done. She very slowly unlocked me and removed the cuffs and clamps... but left me collared. For the third night in a row. I slept well, and would have slept equally well at her feet if she desired. Today I am in such a submissive state I hope that I can turn that energy into good performance on my part because being good and patient for her has certainly made this week so far very rewarding!

Mistress May I...

2010-02-24T06:00:00.002-07:00

In a comment following my post yesterday, Miss Christina posed an interesting question: have my wife and I considered bathroom control? She goes into a lot of detail and her full comment will follow this post so you can see what she had to say, but I wanted to address her questions here so that you could all see.

By bathroom control, she means asking to use the restroom. It's an interesting idea, and one that I have proposed to my wife before. The gist of it is that I would be required to ask permission to use the restroom.

It's interesting to me for a couple of reasons. For one, it's a more day-to-day extension of our chastity play. One more bodily function that I surrender to my Princess. Two, it would be a very humbling (perhaps even humiliating?) experience to have to ask permission any time I needed to go. At work, at a client's, etc -- rather than being able to just excuse myself and relieve myself, I would have to excuse myself, wait for permission, excuse myself again and then relieve myself. Three, it's hot to think that she would say no, make me squirm a little bit.

Of course, subtlety would be key. It would probably be mostly texts, for practical reasons -- kids and other company might make that an awkward question at best and would raise some very interesting questions as the kids get older or if someone else overheard.

There are a few potential hangups -- for one, first thing in the morning I'm sure that she wouldn't want to be bothered for me to ask to relieve myself... but of course such situations can be given an exception so that I don't have to interrupt her sleep for something so mundane. Or what about those times that she's out and doesn't hear her phone? Miss Christina provided a neat solution in her comment -- if same asks permission and has not received an answer either way within 20 minutes, his suffering is deemed to be sufficient and he can go without further waiting.

Why is the thought of being made to wait hot? Admittedly, it's a little weird on the surface but it really would force me into subspace. Holding back a natural function, for which I've had complete autonomy my full 27 years, simply because she wants me to is hot. It really is similar to when I ask her in the throes of passion if I may cum and she says no -- I immediately becocme so much more submissive to her. I would do anything she asked at that point, my desire to please her is so great. Bathroom control may be a way to get that feeling throughout the day.

So how do I feel about it? I'm all for it, at least trying it. Obviously we would have to work out the specifics of how it would work for us but I can see it being an easy way for me to feel more controlled, even when she's low, and for her to feel involved in dominating me, instead of letting life come in between us.

EDIT: After reading this post, my wife has decided that we will try this, the though of which got me as hard as I could be inside my belt. We'll give it a few days and I'll post to let you all know how it goes. I'm to ask before I shower and use the restroom except for when she's sleeping.

I would very much like to thank Miss Christina for bringing it up. I had listed it on my list of ideas for my wife, but we didn't really talk about it and I haven't even thought about it for a few weeks. So thank you for mentioning it as a potential cure to what ails us! And now, for those who'd like to see Miss Christina's full comment:

Have you two ever considered bathroom control? I can see that you really love feeling submissive to your Princess and being under her control, and much of that is indirect. What I mean by that is you have a list of things that are expected of you daily, your chores and so forth. While it is submissive to do those, and it certainly is a big part of your service to her, it can also become just a bit mundane, or a bit routine.

I wonder if you implemented bathroom control if it would help create more of a spark at times when you both feel so disconnected. The FLR is not all sexual. Sure you are locked away and she has control of that, but from what I have read and sensed from your posts, you go about your duties, locked away, waiting for her to use you, and it can be very hard I am sure to continue putting forth that same level of excellent service or above and beyond service when you feel disconnected from her.

The nice thing about changing it up sometimes, or adding something new, is that as long as there is some interaction, even on a small level, the connection is stronger.

Even when Sam is sicker than a dog, or so tired he can't feel the least bit like my slut, or everything is working against us, there is still this: bathroom control. There is still the asking that takes place each time he wants to pee. It doesn't have to be sexual at all...and sometimes it can be with some creative fun but the point is it doesn't. There is something very submissive about giving someone else control over when and how you pee. It can also be quite amusing for the Mistress because it really is a nice form of control. It gives a chance for the connection to be renewed or just activated several times a day and it gives the chance for some easy teasing and such.

Now some won't consider the idea of bathroom control at all. And it doesn't have to involve pee play (although I think I remember you like golden showers) but it is really a form of CONTROL first and foremost. It is so simple to do.

I prefer to have Sam ask me when he wants to pee or needs to pee. If I am unable to answer him within 20 minutes then he has waited and suffered that way so he is allowed to go. Otherwise who knows, I may say yes, or just a flat out no, or I might tease him or make him beg, all depends on my mood at the moment or what is going on. The nice thing is that there will always be those plain old yeses, but then he never knows when the no is coming or when the ok you can pee but you must do this for me is coming. It can be very exciting.

Or sometimes if that is not possible you could be told to carry a dice around and roll it. If you roll odd you can pee right then. Even means you wait 5 minutes and roll again. Or maybe it means you wait 1 minute for each number you rolled.

There are so many ways to incorporate this.

I was just thinking of you two with this one because of how sometimes you aren't on the same page sexually, which can make the entire element of you being locked away and that cock being there for her amusement and pleasure and to be used only when and how she sees fit, but what happens when you are locked away and you have this disconnection...and it's not so much for her pleasure and amusement at that moment, but rather because something isn't clicking at the moment and its better to have you wait until it does click.

I can understand how it happens. You two have family and kids and work and a house to care for. Not everyone can feel very sexual all the time, but I can sympathize from your perspective also that it has got to be very hard to be locked up horny as hell ready to do anything at all to please her, and her mind is as far from sexual creativity as possible. I do feel for you. It must have been hard to put a smile on your face and go to bed, but you did because you love her and you will wait for her. You are really very special.

So this is all just a bit of advice. I know bathroom control is not for everyone, but to those open to considering it, I can say first hand that even when I have a horrible day, and I don't feel well or I am tired or I have a headache or work is stressful, just getting that "Mistress may I please pee for you?" puts a big smile on my face. I am instantly reconnected and focused on my duty as Mistress, and it gives that little spark. It also keeps the fact that he is my slut, there serving my pleasures fresh in my mind.

Maybe it would work or be something you guys would want to try. I think it would keep you in that submissive mind set even more and remind you even more of how lucky you are to have your Princess. And it also might just put a smile on her face and help her to feel more dominant even in every day situations, and when you can feel that more often, the creative parts come more naturally, and when she is often reminded everyday of how much control she has over you, she would remember too how lucky she is to have the gift of your submission.

It really is a give and take. Both sides are lucky. The dominant can't take control that the sub doesn't want to give and so forth. Both sides are equally lucky. Just the same, the sub can't give control of anything that the dominant doesn't want to accept.

Ebbs and Flows

2010-02-23T09:12:00.003-07:00

As Miss Christina pointed out in a comment yesterday, last night my timer rolled beyond the three week mark. My pool of energy is pretty much at its peak -- I'm ready to go any time for just about anything the slightest bit sexual.

Of course, my overflowing reservoir is only half of the equation for hot nights. Despite the fact that I'm up, when she's down obviously nothing happens. Unfortunately, she's down at the moment.

Last night as we were watching shows together, after the kids had gone to bed and I'd finished folding laundry she told me to go and get my collar. My hopes for something happening last night soared, especially since we hadn't been able to do anything over the weekend. She had me sit on the couch with her and after the next show was over she asked if I wanted to watch another one.

"Not particularly," I said.

"Are you ready for bed?" she asked.

"Not particularly," I repeated.

"Oh I see," she said. Then didn't say anything for a minute. I wondered what she was thinking but pretty much immediately got the sense that she wasn't where I was. She flipped around the menus on the Tivo, deleting episodes of shows we'd already seen or weren't interested in watching. Finally after a long time, she said, "I'm sorry I'm just not there. Since you're not getting anything tonight, do you want to watch a show?"

"Sure," I said. It was hard not to be hurt but on the other hand I understood.

"It just feels like forever since we did anything," I said to her. Which is true. Despite my posting every day, my attempts to notice and be grateful for all the little things... we've both felt disconnected from each other. I have my own guesses as to the reasons for it, and it's not really anything we can control, but it's frustrating nonetheless.

We watched another show or two and turned in to bed. She was kind enough to let me sleep in my collar (and I got a little chuckle out of noticing that the dog's collar went off just before mine went on and that after I took mine off his would go back on), and off we sped to a fitful night of sleep.

Hopefully we can get the space between us taken care of but in the mean time my desire from Sunday night is all but gone, put into the back of my mind while I wait for her to start feeling better.

What Will You Do?

2010-02-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

Perhaps the better question is what won't I do. I'm horny. Like, would curl up and hump a blanket if I thought it could get me off. Hands in my pants toying with that damn lock horny. Willing the hasp to release and suddenly find myself free and hard horny.

It's Sunday night and, unless anything big happens when my wife gets home, I'm planning on posting this Monday morning. Or perhaps even so.

Her sister's baby is in the hospital so us time has been severely cut this weekend, I regret to report. Saturday morning, she left as soon as we woke up and then we spent the rest of the day running errands. This morning, same story. Tonight, she took her sister some real food and is just hanging out, giving her company beyond the uncomfortable beep of hospital machinery and interruptions by nurses. The logical side of me knows that's the right place for her to be and knows that her sister appreciates the moral support. The horny side of me just wants her to be here so I could beg her for release.

I'm so hard up I'm even fantasizing about being tied up and tickled if it would get me release.

The last few days, I've been thinking a lot about rope bondage. It's been a long time (I can't remember how long) since the bondage wasn't my cuffs and collar -- it's easy and not stressful for her. While I don't want to disparage it, I do miss the bite of the rope into my wrists, leaving me more helpless than even my cuffs.

I think the next time I've earned a reward I'll ask for some. Maybe a good hogtie or forced to eat her out with my hands tied behind my back. Or tied to a chair with a dildo in my mouth and her leaving me there, with the threat of punishment should the dildo fall out. Or my neck tied to my feet, leaving me in a neat but helpless ball. Or or or or or or...

So many things run through my mind and just send my flesh straining against its cage. Good god am I horny. I'd do just about any degrading, embarrassing, terrifying thing if I thought it would get me off.

Maybe it's better than she's not here while I'm in this state. After all, be careful what you wish for!

What's Changed?

2010-02-21T13:31:00.000-07:00

So in the interest of continuing my streak of posting at least once a day, and with having had nothing really FLR happen yesterday, I decided to reflect back on the changes in our relationship since that March two years ago when I, nervously, asked her to take the reins in our relationship.

It's funny to think back on -- I'd been at a concert with my cousin, and while I was locked up in my belt my wife had no idea about it or even that I'd bought it (we had talked about it as a form of play but I didn't tell her that I ordered it yet). I still held the keys, and as I rode home on the train I nervously thought about what I would say to her. How could I put it in a way that wouldn't scare her off? What if she said no? A million questions ran through my mind and I was a nervous wreck by the time I pulled into the parking lot of our apartment.

Since that night it has been a wonderful journey and a great adventure to share with her, we have grown closer than ever and more open with each other than I ever thought possible.

On to a few questions you may be wondering:

What was our relationship like before the FLR?

When we were in an officially equal relationship, things were still fairly unequal (although she may not have seen it that way, I still did a lot of things for her). She went out most weeks with her friends while I stayed home. Sometimes twice a week. I was still very involved in the housework (dishes and laundry especially), and feel like I did my share of taking care of the kids even when she was there.

The biggest difference between the typical "equal" relationship and ours before the FLR was housework. I never hesitated to do the dishes, I was in charge of washing the laundry (although she put it away most weeks) and I think I swept and vacuumed the floor as much as she did, if not more. Growing up in a house full of children there were always chores to do and so I learned how to do most typical housework and decided early in our marriage to never just leave it all for my wife to do.

What did I think an FLR would be like when I asked her?

I wasn't sure what to expect. If she accepted my request, I wasn't sure how dominant she would be, or even could be. I figured I would do more of the housework (and over time, I've come to do even more than I expected). Right after we started, I washed all the laundry but she still put away the kids' laundry for me when it was washed. Now, I do it all.

I guess I thought, early on, that it would be all kink all the time, despite my assurances to her that it wasn't what I was going to be expecting. It took her a long time to warm up to punishing me, for example. It was more than a year later that she finally felt like she could actually spank me for misbehaving (although as we've found out, that's more of a reward than a punishment). She's only had to really punish me a few times, for particularly bad behavior, and I've never intentionally misbehaved to try to trick her into punishing me. The punishments she has told me about are not the least bit fun -- and she has others that she HASN'T told me about that I hope I never have to learn what they are.

What has changed over the life of our FLR?

Since we started, my list of chores has grown quite a bit. It started with just dishes and making the bed, now I'm responsible for making sure that the whole kitchen is cleaned every day, that our bed is made before noon, that the kids are up and dressed and eating breakfast by a reasonable time (depending on what we have going on that day) and my cat is taken care of. I'm also responsible for keeping on top of the garbage in all the cans in the house -- if they are getting full, I should get them taken out before she notices how full they are.

Our personal relationship has also changed a lot. I've learned to open up to her more, and more easily. I've learned to not be ashamed of how I'm feeling or to worry about dumping my feelings on her. While I've always been a great listener, I've not always been the best talker and it's taken a lot of coaxing to get me to open up to her more.

What are my day-to-day responsibilities?

I have to make sure that our bed is made before noon, but ideally as soon as she gets up.

I have to get my son up, dressed, and to school on time every morning. I also get him from school most days unless work prevents me from doing so.

I have to get the dishes done. Most days we've used enough dishes that there is at least one full load, but the counters need to be cleared off by the end of the day regardless. If they are not, I have to have asked for extra time and there has to be a reason that I could not get them done during the day (out of the house all day, running errands all evening, etc).

I have to actively help with the baby after I'm done working. Not just hang out and leave her until she cries, but I need to be on top of what she needs and make sure she is fed, changed, gets her naps in and I play with her. This takes the burden of taking care of the kids all day off my wife and gives her some much needed rest every evening.

I also try to make sure I spend some time with my wife every day. Whether it's watching shows at night after the kids have gone to bed or cuddling with her when we finally get some alone time when we go to bed, I try to make sure there is some special time that's just for her every day. I've been doing much better on this the past few weeks and it has showed, it's been very easy to feel close to her and spending time with her makes me want to spend more time with her.

Her Game Night

2010-02-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

Friday morning was a tough one to start -- I knew it was to be a very long day and had a hard time making myself get past my self-frustration over my screw up from Thursday night. Still, there was much to be done and no sense in sulking about and not getting to it.

In addition to needing to prepare for my son's birthday party and my wife's game night, we were watching my niece (her sister is in the hospital with their baby who has been fighting a respiratory illness) and would have the baby that my wife normally watches on weekdays. With several errands to run and a birthday cake to decorate, plus a full day of work ahead, I knew it would be a tough day.

I managed to get a hold of my boss early in the day and he allowed me to skip work and just be on call for any urgent issues, leaving me freer to assist with the children and housework. I also got involved in the birthday cake -- my first attempt at molding with fondant to create some characters to add to the cake (it was an interesting experiment and my son LOVED the cake). I ran to the store, watched the babies, and did what I could to clean up the house for her friends to come.

At one point, my wife asked me if I could keep both babies by myself a while. I regret to report that I hesitated before I said, "There's no reason that I can't."

"You mean you don't want to," she said.

"Well... yeah. But I will."

I tried my best to stay as positive and upbeat as I could. As she was getting ready to take the older kids to Chuck E Cheese for the party, leaving me with the two babies until her friend could come and pick up the youngest, she scratched my head and told me that all my help would come back to me in a good way.

It made me feel better. Not that I thought she would not think of my help all day when it came time to do my review on Sunday, but just hearing right away that my efforts were appreciated was a big motivator. It made it a lot easier to do some of the other housework she asked me to - vacuuming, clean the bathroom and clean the cake and frosting crumbs off the kitchen table. Besides, it would be that much less she had to worry about when her friends got here about the same time as we got home from the birthday party.

Which is about how the timing worked out -- I pulled up and before she got home one of her friends was already waiting, parked by the gutter at our house. I still had dishes to do but had to run a quick errand for our niece. When I got back, almost all of her friends were there and I chuckled at the thought of doing housework around all of her friends. These are the same circle of friends who know some of the details of our arrangement, and brought to mind some of those fantasies of public service. I tried not to make a big deal of it and after the dishes were done and the kids were in bed, I disappeared to the basement as much as possible, trying to stay out of the way and let my wife enjoy her time with her friends.

All in all, a good night. I think she needed the adult time, just her and the girls and she as relaxed as possible. And I even got to spend some time playing games and venting my own stress from the week.

My Screw Up

2010-02-19T09:37:00.002-07:00

Last night, I went out to dinner with my boss and a guy that I've worked with for the past three years but never met face to face. It was a good time, but while I was there I screwed up pretty majorly.

My wife was at home with the kids (a rare switch for us, me out and her at home) and was just waiting for me to come home. She knew I would be late, but neither of us knew how late. I sent her a text at around 8:30 thinking that we were winding down (Everyone had finished eating and we were just sitting and talking), letting her know I was going to order her dinner (she wanted me to pick something up for her and bring it home).

It seemed like nothing and then suddenly she was calling me, and as I looked at the time on my phone I was shocked to see that an hour and a half had passed. We hurriedly wrapped things up but I felt terrible already -- I had been so involved in the conversation that I lost track of the time.

When I got home, we talked for a few minutes about it -- how frustrated that she was and that she felt like I didn't care enough to keep track of time. I had no response for that... but felt (and still feel) terrible for it.

All in all, it's turning out to have not been the best of weeks for me. Here's hoping I can turn it around for my son's birthday party today and her game night tonight -- it's going to be a busy day leading into a very busy weekend.

My Collar and Me

2010-02-18T06:50:00.003-07:00

Despite the fact that it was Wednesday, last night was coffee night. It's normally Tuesday but for a long list of reasons, they went out last night instead. My wife helped me get the kids to bed and then off she went. While I missed spending the time with her I know how important it is to her to get out. I'm a much less social creature and tend to get the social interaction I need from Facebook, whereas she needs to be out and about with her friends.

After she left I finished doing the dishes and then went downstairs, sitting down at the computer as it hit me how horny I was. And that I was locked up. Damnit. I texted her and asked permission to wear my collar, which was granted. I thought about trying a little self bondage but decided to wait on that. Instead I just sat down to play a game and enjoyed the sensation of having my collar on.

When she got home, it was still on of course. We talked for a few minutes as she got ready for bed. I was still dressed and she realized the dog had not been taken out to do his business yet. "Go take the dog out," she said.

Disappointed that I would have to take my collar off, I came and knelt in front of her.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Will you take my collar off?"

"No."

I bowed my head so she could reach the buckle... wait, no? I looked back up at her as I started getting hard.

"Nobody's going to notice. Go."

So it was with trepidation that I stepped out into our backyard, still collared, and guided the dog out onto the grass. Strange to be standing outside with my collar on, no way of hiding that I was wearing it. It was very exciting, if only a little thing.

By the time I came back in, she was ready to go to bed. I went to the bathroom and was allowed to sleep with my collar on.

"I didn't expect you to make me keep it on," I told her. "You don't usually want to risk anything."

"Did it make you want to get hard?" she asked.

I smiled as I told her, "Yeah."

"Good," she said. "Good night."

I drifted off to sleep, my fingers tracing the leather around my neck. I'm coming to really love that sensation, and how it makes me feel when I wake up and realize it's still there. It makes me want to curl up at her feet like a submissive little puppy, willing to do whatever it is she wants me to, just so I can continue to feel that close to her.

Playtime is Fun Time!

2010-02-17T12:00:00.000-07:00

So I've actually had the "new post" window open for almost four hours now and am just starting to write. I want to talk about last night but today just won't stop intruding -- work, trying to fix my sister's laptop, trying to stay on top of housework, and just trying to keep from going insane has kept me from really focusing on the goings-on around here last night.

After my post yesterday, my wife told me that she actually had thought about giving me a "stress" release Monday night and was glad that she hadn't. I told her that while pity sex is well and good with me, release solely because I've had a bad day seems like a cop-out to me (after all, any time I wanted release I'd just have to get my boss to reduce me to tears, can't be that hard right?). She pointed out it wouldn't have been pity sex, but I think my point remained valid.

As we were watching shows last night, without warning she straddled me and started making out. "I've been wet all day," she said. Yes, I thought. Action tonight, when I'm in the mood and it's not pity sex! We made out for a minute and then she suddenly stopped, pulled off and sat back up on the couch, leaving me on the floor and confused. We watched a few more shows, with her teasing me occasionally. Finally, she turned off the TV and downstairs we went.

And then started playing with the dog.

Damnit, she is a tease.

After what seemed an eternity of playing with the dog, she finally called me up onto the bed and we started making out. She guided my head down to her pussy and I started kissing with earnest. I pulled her panties down just enough to get my tongue directly onto her and licked and sucked and kissed... but she couldn't quite get there. She kept getting distracted by the dog running around trying to figure out what was going on. She called me up toward her and had me use my fingers instead, where there was no distraction and she came, powerfully.

She looked down and realized her panties were still half-on. "Why didn't you just take them off all the way?" she asked.

"No time," I answered. Who has time for removing all the clothes when sex is on the line?

She pulled her panties off and reached for my hard member sticking out through my boxer shorts (again, no time). She pulled me over to her pussy and guided me in, where I slowly thrust in and out, found me sweet spot and fucked her to one orgasm. And then, while yelling the theme song for Big Bang Theory in my head (nothing so unsexy and the 30 second version of the last 14 billion years) I was able to maintain control to get her to another.

"I'm impressed," she said. All I could do was smile and laugh, I think any focus on what was going in between our legs at that point would have put me over the edge. Slowly I pulled out.

"Clean up," she said. "Tomorrow after you shower I want you to lock back up."

What was that I said about pity release? I've really got to learn when to keep my mouth shut.

Returning to Our Regular Broadcast

2010-02-16T08:50:00.002-07:00

Pardon the distinctly un-sexy post yesterday, my frustration with work carried through most of the day as I sat in a cubicle and didn't actually need to be in the office, by the time I got home after 6:00 (I usually stop work before 5:00) I was drained, emotionally and physically. I tried to leave it all at the front door of the office but it took a little more coaxing to get me out of my funk.

I was a little worried about getting some kind of pity release last night -- I really didn't want my frustration with work to alter her plans for keeping me denied until she was ready to change that. Sex and kink were actually the last things on my mind last night.

When I got home, we went out to dinner (taking the pressure off both of us for coming up with a meal) and then got home and put the kids to bed. And then we just relaxed. Laid back and got a little closer to caught up on episodes of a new favorite (Big Bang Theory). We're almost up to the current season and then can start watching the new episodes that are scheduled on the tivo.

I know, another kink-free post... however you may be glad to know that after taking it easy last night I'm feeling very recharged and starting to get back into my groove. I managed not to do anything to get myself fired yesterday, here's hoping my "Here's-why-this-email-frustrated-me" message I'm sending to my boss this morning is well received and we can avoid days like yesterday going forward.

Knocking the Air Out of My Lungs

2010-02-15T08:31:00.003-07:00

There's nothing like work to take away all feeling of sexiness in your life.

I actually woke up in a pretty good mood this morning, I got to sleep in because my son didn't have school. It meant that I missed my first-thing workout (I've managed to do it every day for two weeks), but I figured I'd get it in this afternoon while my wife took the kids out to play.

Instead, as I checked my e-mail from work, I got an e-mail from my boss basically implying that I can't do my job from home and have to come in today to fill a request for him.

So all the feelings of sub-ness were pulled out of me like the rug being jerked out from under my feet. This morning I am left out of breath, frustrated, and very seriously considering going full-time as a freelancer just so I can leave my boss hanging with this project and nobody to complete it for him.

I know that's just the frustration talking though. The right thing to do is give it a day, then talk to him about how it feels when he implies that my time at home with my family is far less precious than his little pet projects. And if we can't see eye to eye... well then I'll start looking for a new job.

For My Valentine

2010-02-14T08:56:00.002-07:00

I first met my wife 11 years ago, during my Sophomore year of high school. I started hanging out with her 9 years ago, during my Senior year. We shared our first date, first kiss and first night together in May of that year. We were engaged by that November and married in January of the next year.

For the past 8 years, my wife and I have shared the journey of marriage, and what a journey it's been. Three kids, we've lived in six different places (and moved 7 times) since we got married, seen our share of jobs and self-caused financial headaches. Through it all we've remained best friends, confidants and lovers, growing ever closer.

For the past 2 years, she has fulfilled my fantasies by taking me into a female-led lifestyle, expecting my submission and devotion and in return giving me the gift of her dominance. This has strengthened our bond in ways that I could never have imagined that March night two years ago. We're closer now and more open with each other than I ever thought possible, and she keeps finding new ways to surprise me, to show me the depth of her love and to make me understand how special I am to her.

Today, I am eternally grateful that I took a chance and convinced her to take the same chance that May night, otherwise we might both have missed the chance to see how deeply and richly happy we could make each other.

I love you Princess, happy Valentine's Day.

Friday Night Fun

2010-02-13T08:53:00.003-07:00

Fortunately, she did not make me sweat out what was in the box all weekend.

Last night, as we were sitting in the living room watching an old run of Hell's Kitchen, she asked if I wanted to know what was in the box. "Of course I want to know," I answered, trying to be as nonchalant as I could.

"Oh," she said. And nothing else.

A few minutes later she made a comment to the effect that we were still just sitting there. "I was trying not to make a big deal of it," I said.

"Maybe I want you to make a big deal."

Immediately I hopped up and started helping her off the couch. She laughed. "Take the dog out," she said. I did and by the time I got downstairs with her new puppy (a Christmas/anniversary/Valentine's gift that she picked out for herself) she had already opened it but still had it in the mail bag so I couldn't see it. She teased me for a few minutes, and at one point turned it on so that the whole bag was vibrating. "Any guesses?" she asked.

Clearly something vibrating. By the way she was acting I guessed it was for me. "Some sort of vibrating anal toy?" I said. She smiled as she pulled it out. I was right, it was a toy called "Booty Beads."

A flexible string of pearls on a stiff wire with a vibrating motor on the end. She teased me for a few minutes, claiming she hadn't decided if she wanted to play with it or make me sweat it for a few nights.

After a few minutes, she couldn't get it to vibrate. We spent the next little while trying to get it to turn on and were disappointed that we could not. Rather than play with it without vibrations, we decided to put it away (after all, much easier to return a toy that has not been used than to try and do it with a used toy!). She was clearly disappointed. I climbed up on the bed next to her and without warning started making out with her, my desire pretty much uncontrollable at that point. She had already unlocked me (for her easy access over the weekend I imagine) and I was hard as could be. Before long I had her arms restrained and was rubbing her pussy to a powerful orgasm that just kept coming, I kept thinking she was done and then another gasp and more flexing and she was out of breath yet again.

As she came down, she started to tease me, pulling my member out from the folds of my boxers and stroking it until it was rock hard. The tip of it, just under the head, started getting sensitive and then a little ticklish, I made the mistake of telling her that. She was trying to tickle me from there (the pleasure of being stroked sort of overwhelmed the tickling) and when that didn't work, went for a more direct approach.

Now, I'm very ticklish. She knows this. She went straight for my belly button and had me laughing uncontrollably before long. I tried to hold her arms away from my body. "Let go," she said. I tried to make myself lay there and take it but I couldn't. She stopped for a minute, trying to get me to relax... but just knowing what was coming, she had me in fits of giggling and I couldn't relax. She started talking dirty to me, trying to get my mind off of it... but nothing worked. I would calm down for a minute or two and then suddenly I was tense and giggly again.

She tickled for another minute and then decided that she was going to have to desensitize me. "You know what that means, right?" she asked. "More tickling. Our bed's just about perfect for it too... I could tie your hands and legs to the posts and tickle you all I wanted."

Fuck. This is something I've thought about before -- tickling isn't all that exciting for me but the helplessness is, I've watched videos about it and they still get me going. I'd kind of hoped she wouldn't come to that conclusion... because I really would be helpless.

"Maybe I'll use it as a punishment sometime," she continued.

I'll be on my best behavior, I thought to myself.

We laid there for a few minutes and then the dog started barking in his kennel. "Take him outside again," she ordered. When I got back she was reading her book. I knelt by the side of the bed and she looked down at me. "Is there anything else you want tonight?" she asked. I rattled off a couple of things and she stopped me. "I didn't ask what things you wanted that you thought I want. I asked what you want."

"More spanking," I said. I got the spanker and laid across her lap while she finished her book, getting into the pain and really letting go of the stressful week of work. I was so relaxed that, despite the pain, I started falling asleep in between smacks. I told her that and she started laughing, although at this point it was already 1:00 in the morning. She had me clean up and I cuddled next to her on the bed while she finished the last few pages of her book.

She pulled back the covers for me, explaining that she wanted to tuck me in for once. "You're so good to me," I said.

"Well, you know I get NOTHING out of it," she said, laughing.

"Thank you Princess. Good night," I said.

"Good night."

Friday Fantasies

2010-02-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

It's Friday, which means my desire to work today is already nil. Add on top of that the fact that yesterday, I hit the peak of my denial/frustration cycle. I just needed to get hard. I was desperate to not feel the plastic around me. Of course, there was nothing I could do which made the frustration all the more delicious... and has my sexual energies running high today. Which means that I see the work that I need to do and would rather sit here and tease myself by exploring the fantasies that have been running through my head.

This morning as I woke up I had an interesting one. Because my wife has seen fit to allow me a few nights recently where I slept in my collar, sometimes when I wake up I wonder if I'm still wearing it. This morning was such a morning... I felt my neck to make sure and was a little disappointed to find flesh instead of leather. Which set my mind racing with a new fantasy... as I shake the sleep from my eyes I feel my collar around my neck. But I hadn't gone to bed with it on. I feel around to the back of it and am even more surprised to find it locked on. My wife notices my stirring and grins in her evil way as she says to me, "Good morning, my pet. I hope you are looking forward to a long day in service to me." I smile, content in my place.

Another one came to me on Sunday. Occasionally we shower together on Sunday nights after the kids are in bed but this week I didn't need to (and was going to have to the next morning to go into the office anyway) so I stayed out of the shower. While she got in, another fantasy came to me... she orders me downstairs while she strips to get ready for the shower. "Kneel," she orders me. I do, and she walks around and into the closet, coming back out with my collar, cuffs and a few locks. "We'll do your review after my shower," she starts as she buckles and locks on my restraints. "In the meantime, I want to make sure you're thinking about me." She pulls the ring on my collar, walking me over to the closet. She's got the big locks out too, and quickly I find myself helplessly restrained. She laughs as she turns off the light and closes the door, making sure to wait until after the latch is closed to lock so I can hear every sound. All I can do is stand there and struggle against my restraints while she's in the shower... and hope that she doesn't make it a long one!

This next one is a scene idea I gave to her a while ago, when I was writing up the list of "little things" for her. I included some scene ideas and this one got me going pretty good when I wrote it. She starts with me kneeling and gets out a blindfold, securing it to me and testing its effectiveness by holding the key to my belt right in front of me. "Stay there," she tells me. She walks around the room, opening and closing drawers and doors. She goes upstairs, I can hear her all around the house. She comes back downstairs, and moves around some more. Thoroughly confused as to what's going on, I can only wait and listen. Finally, she comes back to me and says to me, "I've hidden the key to your belt somewhere in the house. If you can find it, with your blindfold on, you may enter me. If not, the strapon is on our bed. You have five minutes."

When she went to her party, she ordered something but didn't tell me what. It came today... and she's just left it sitting on top of the entertainment center, still in the mailer bag. I have no idea what it is, no idea if it's for me or for her, and no idea when I'll get to find out. Needless to say, the curiosity is driving me nuts and she knows it.

So, back to trying to work... and letting my mind wander back to all the things I want to do to her... or have her do to me!

Blog Business

2010-02-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

So I occasionally stop on over at my Google Analytics account to see how many people are looking at this blog... lately the numbers just keep climbing higher, which is amazing to me. I am averaging more than 250 visitors a day (when I'm posting every day) and am just short of 100,000 visitors in the last two years. That's craziness to me. Thank you all for coming back to share this journey with my wife and I. Even those of you who are silent followers, your presence here keeps me writing.

If you hadn't noticed yet, I've written at least one post every day so far this month. I decided last week, after I was on a pretty solid roll, to do so -- for a couple of reasons. One, even when "nothing" FLR is happening, there is a lot, and writing about it makes me realize that and makes me much more grateful toward my wife for allowing me to serve her in this way. Two, if I'm updating more frequently it puts my mind more squarely on my Princess than on what I'm not getting and so I feel more submissive to her.

Of course that means that more of everyday life slips into the posts than normal, which is OK by me but I'm sure a little less exciting for you to read about. My apologies for that. Still, every day life is exciting for me anyway. Even though there's not always something overt, I always get some opportunity to serve my Princess. Whether it's making the bed (a daily chore so ingrained in me that I joked about making the bed at the hotel when we stayed overnight for our anniversary) or doing the dishes, or something more personal like doing her nightly footrub, I do some sort of daily service for her every day. Which I really love.

I guess I think of my posting as another daily service for her... or I'm trying to this month anyway. While I usually only post when I have something exciting and kinky to talk about, this month I am trying to keep my lines of thought open to her. No particular reason for it to be this month, it just happened to start out this way and I think it's a good target to reach for.

I've been going back and forth on sharing the link to this blog with my friend (as I talked about here, I think I'm going to wait for him to ask again. If he really wants to read it he'll ask, and I'll let him do so. He and I have gotten through a lot together and while we don't share a lot of details about our sex lives... he knows enough about me to piece together some of it anyway, and I'm sure based on my porn he might even be able to guess more (there's a lot of femdom/male chastity porn on my computer, and most lan parties include a period of porn swapping while games get installed).

A Chemical Cure

2010-02-10T07:14:00.004-07:00

This morning as I rub the tiredness from my eyes, while the haze of blah still hangs around the back of my head it is certainly far from clouding everything as it did yesterday. It seems an all natural, chemical ingredient was the answer (or at least the start).

I was fucking horny last night.

It was coffee night so my wife left me with the kids to go hang out with her friends. While the prospect didn't thrill me, I knew she needed the time away (it had been a really rough day for her with the babies and despite my efforts to help her friend's baby was a big pain). Before the kids were in bed, my boss called me and asked me to do something for work so my oldest was entertaining the youngest while the middle child watched a show and I worked. As I sat there, waiting for the server to send me some data, and old but occasional habit drove me to click on some old bookmarks for porn.

It was more automatic than anything, I wasn't feeling particularly horny before... but as I flipped through the images of women in various stages of helplessness, wondering how it might feel to be bound that way or to struggle against that device, my member stirred within its cage. As more images flipped past the screen, it started stretching. As I gave up on the still pictures and went to my movies, it pushed harder. It demanded to be let out of its cage. It groaned and roared at its restriction. I wanted to rip it free of its housing.

As soon as all the kids were in bed, I texted my wife and asked permission to wear my collar and clamps. I needed something...she granted, and I began to play with myself a little bit. I experimented with a few positions in my closet (it turns out the kneeling position with my hands behind my back and collar locked to the other wall may be trickier than I thought but I'll have to have her help me with it some time) before coming back out to the computer to read some sites I'd bookmarked previously. This one, on impositions and restrictions had me wondering what some of them would be like. I'd read about standing against a wall with your nose holding a penny up, so I decided to try it.

Of course the wall I tried was textured which made for an interesting experience -- if you so happen to place the penny in between the texturing in just the right way, it will stay up without the help of your nose. I had been standing there for a minute or two and decided that would definitely be an effective punishment (in only two minutes, boredom set in) and so I stepped back from the wall... only to see the penny still there staring back at me. I chuckled and decided to leave it there. When my wife noticed it I had forgotten all about it, and laughed as I explained it to her.

My immediate need for play satisfied, I asked for (and was given) permission to remove my clamps, and settled down to play a game until she got home.

She got home a little after 10:00 and was surprised when I shut off the game immediately. More than once she told me she didn't mind if I kept playing, I explained to her that I wanted to spend the time with her and I did. I sat on the living room floor, collared, and rubbed her feet while we watched a few of our shows. It was a very nice, simple, and peaceful evening.

As we got ready for bed, a little later than I'd planned but not to worry, I kept waiting for her to remove my collar. I finally asked her if she was going to and she said that I could sleep in it if I wanted. What a wonderful gift.

I woke up this morning, my neck still encircled by leather, and smiled. I have the best Princess ever.

Feeling a Funk Coming On

2010-02-09T10:10:00.005-07:00

For those looking for a kinky post, you can probably just skip this one... this will be more of a general whine than anything FLR specific. Also, if you tried to read my earlier post today, Thoughts on Dressing, my apologies -- I missed a quotation mark and it ended up swallowing the rest of that post and the whole previous post until it came to the next quotation mark. Oops. Fixed now.

Ever since the end of junior high school (middle school for most of the world) I have dealt with a very minor intermittent depression. It's probably mostly situational and I've never wanted to try to medicate it because it usually comes, settles in for a few days like smog around the valley I live in and then blows out and all is well again. I thought I might be feeling it yesterday but wasn't sure... this morning it's definitely settled in, fogging out my vision in a grey-brown haze of blah.

It's hard to know what to do. On the one hand, the thought of serving my wife still excites me (which is good), which means that I don't want her to not ask me to do things... on the other hand, my motivation to do anything on my own is pretty well sucked completely dry. I've looked at my checklist of things to do for work for the past hour and managed to only do one thing that took five minutes.

Its days like this that, as a teenager, I used to close the door to my room, put on some headphones and either blast music at full volume or play games at full volume. Doing that right now would be so tempting... alas, that does not pay the bills. And bills we have aplenty. So I'll try to muscle through the work day and make sure I keep my attitude up for my wife, I'll do what I can to make sure the kids are well taken care of until bed time, and then (my wife willing, of course) I'll veg out in my room shooting brain-starved mobs of zombies. Sounds like a good time.

Hopefully this will blow over in a few days and I can get back to feeling a little more normal and posting about things a little more fun.

Thoughts on Dressing

2010-02-09T06:00:00.003-07:00

So I spent my Monday dressed up in slacks, a button up shirt and tie. I put cable ties on as well, but as I did so (without prompting and without her ever checking them) I wondered why.

When I first experimented with it a few weeks ago, there were two reasons why I felt it worked... first, she enjoyed the sight of me all dressed up for her. Second, I enjoyed the feeling of the cable ties, it felt like wearing my collar which had me in a greatly submissive headspace. All night, all I wanted to do was just lay at her feet... I loved that feeling. While the submissive buzz isn't quite as strong now that I've done it a few times, I still enjoy the feeling of submission I get when I am dressed up and every swallow brings my Adam's Apple into contact with the cable tie secured around my neck.

It was a long Monday for me -- I had to drive into the office first thing which meant an hour and a half detour in my morning routine so that I could (essentially) reset a password to be able to work from home. I was able to do it from the parking lot via the office wireless network -- so dressing up was hardly necessary -- but I stayed dressed up anyway. My wife hosted a playdate with some of her friends and after they left she asked if I had a second to help her return the living room to a semblance of normal... so in addition to having me dressed up, she got to have me cleaning house while dressed up. Sweeping, vacuuming, dishes, taking out the garbage... all as her sharply dressed house hubby.

I stayed dressed up until after 10:00 PM... and (my apologies to Miss Christina who was looking forward to this) I opted to delay my reward. Because of the stress she's been feeling, I suggested that we wait until she was feeling a little better. So those of you waiting to see what devious methods she would come up with to torture and tease me to the point of begging to cum... stay tuned, I'm sure she'll give you all something to read about soon enough!

EDIT: Sorry all, I missed a quotation mark in this post and it messed up this one and the next one! This is why you should always read your posts before you put them up! :)

Forever in Her service

Pills

Thoughts

Waking up locked up

Happy Birthday To Me!

Starting a New Game

If you want to be different

Scene

Two Months Later

Another Update

My Previoust Post

Monthly Update

Update

New Years

Product Review: Weighted Nipple Clamps

Progress?

And A Present To Boot

Happy Birthday To Me!

Baby Steps

A Matter of Perspective

The Life of a Vanilla Slave

Revisionist History

Day One

The Times They Are A-Changin'

Little Things

Good Morning

Playing With My New Toy

My New Toy

Falling Behind

Ruined Orgasms?

Stupid Penis

Taking some Tentative Steps

Unscheduled Leave

More Questions

... And Out

Submissive Domination

Learn Something New Every Day

Glad I Don't Have A Choice

In & Out...

So I Says to Mabel, I Says...

Happy Birthday Princess!

Interesting Weekend Ahead

They Are Like Teenagers!

My Punishment

Randomness

My Weekly Review

The Steelheart

Witnessing Their First

Managing My Expectations

It's Here!

Fanning The Flames of Their Passion

I Hate The Mornings

I've had Katy Perry Stuck In My Head

My Weekly Review

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Home Alone

Friday Play

Randomness

Quick Update

A Little Perspective

Monday is a Four-Letter Word

Some Random Thoughts and An Apology

Tuesday Teasing

Reward For A Good Week

Beg For It

We Interrupt Our Broadcast...

Celebrating Two Years

Happy Kinkiversary

Some Random Stuff

Indirect Questions From Another Blogger

Other then the learning curve did you experience anything negative about entering into a FLR?

What do you consider good punishment?

What do you consider bad punishment?

What has been the best part of your FLR ?

What has been the worst part of your FLR ?

Weekly Review

And Out Of The Dust And Smoke Arose...

Down With The Sickness (Redux)

It's Only Thursday?

What A Day, Part 2