Five weeks today.
One would expect that I was some sort of trembling, desperate bowl of submissive jelly, dying for any sort of touch or attention or even torture from her.
I hate that I'm not.
Sometime last week I hit a wall. At times it felt like that was literal. I was overstressed, feeling burned out by my work and had absolutely no desire to do anything or see anyone. Of course, with my brother out of town I was covering for him with his clients and staying at home and working through my funk was not an option.
It was the worst on Thursday and Friday -- I didn't even feel like eating those days. But even over the weekend and into today, I still felt it.
It's a hard feeling to describe, and a really frustrating one to have this weekend. Saturday she was clearly feeling better, much more playful, and when I got the text Saturday night to put my plug in I hated that my first reaction was "I don't want to." I went back and forth on trying to explain my feelings to her before I decided to just do what she asked and talk to her after the kids were in bed.
It took me a long time to get it in, I was just finishing up when she came downstairs to check on me. Apparently, my lack of desire was written on my face when she came into the bathroom because she asked what was wrong. I explained to her that I just wasn't feeling it and she was clearly disappointed. "You should have told me," she said. We went upstairs and ended up spending the evening watching shows together. After about an hour she had me go ahead and remove my plug.
This morning I saw her post from Saturday and it made me feel that much worse that I'm in this funk, I feel like she was doing much better and I just dragged her right back into it by turning her down on Saturday. A frustrating position to be in.
Yesterday and today my mind has been wandering back to the old fantasy of being tied down to the bed all day again. Not for the erotic fun of it... but just because that would take the responsibility of having to work completely out of my hands. No cell phone, no IMs to respond to, just stuck in bed the whole day.
A nice thought anyway. Not at all realistic.
Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that I am still out here, that I am still getting through the day to day, I'm just waiting for that feeling to come back because I miss being desperate for her.
Lucky Little Whore
4 hours ago
2 comments:
Hi,
I know what you're talking. I've been in that situation and mind set more than once. Can't really give you other than very simple advice. Just start doing what you and her like. Small things. And it comes back. All of it. Naturally. Sooner or later. Just do it. It might seem a little harsh to tell you to just do it...but sometimes you just have to even if it seems hard or impossible!
sam
I am really feeling for you. Both of you.
I have been in those depressive funks many times myself. I hate the feeling of them, and it does take a lot of strength to pull yourself out of them.
One thing I have done in the past, which really really helps me, is I just make up my mind to do it, and I get up and take a nice hot shower. I shave my special area as that always perks me up. I do something extra nice with my hair and then my make up and I wear jewelry and nice clothes. It really does amazing things for my attitude.
Another thing that helps is to embrace an attitude of gratitude. I don't want to sound all flowery, but remember what you have to be thankful for sometimes puts things into perspective.
And then I do something nice for someone who least expects it. Sometimes this can be bringing my Gram flowers just because I love her. Either way, putting a smile one someone else's face always makes me happy.
How about waking up tomorrow, with a new attitude, a determined to leave this funk behind type of attitude. And dress up (even if you're not going to the office) but just because you know she loves you to look nice for her. Maybe kneel in front of her with some cable ties and ask her so nicely and sweetly to please collar you so you can feel close to her all day and reminded of how lucky you are to be hers.
And then just go out of your way to make it a great day, for her, and I bet for sure by the end of the day you are going to be feeling more like yourself, and maybe a little empty when those cable ties get cut off, wishing they were back around your neck, and who knows if you are really pleasing maybe she would let you sleep in your other collar.
I know it's hard, but there comes a time you just have to make the move to get on with things.
I hope it works out. I miss seeing you happy :)
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