What's Changed? at 1:31 PM

So in the interest of continuing my streak of posting at least once a day, and with having had nothing really FLR happen yesterday, I decided to reflect back on the changes in our relationship since that March two years ago when I, nervously, asked her to take the reins in our relationship.

It's funny to think back on -- I'd been at a concert with my cousin, and while I was locked up in my belt my wife had no idea about it or even that I'd bought it (we had talked about it as a form of play but I didn't tell her that I ordered it yet). I still held the keys, and as I rode home on the train I nervously thought about what I would say to her. How could I put it in a way that wouldn't scare her off? What if she said no? A million questions ran through my mind and I was a nervous wreck by the time I pulled into the parking lot of our apartment.

Since that night it has been a wonderful journey and a great adventure to share with her, we have grown closer than ever and more open with each other than I ever thought possible.

On to a few questions you may be wondering:

What was our relationship like before the FLR?

When we were in an officially equal relationship, things were still fairly unequal (although she may not have seen it that way, I still did a lot of things for her). She went out most weeks with her friends while I stayed home. Sometimes twice a week. I was still very involved in the housework (dishes and laundry especially), and feel like I did my share of taking care of the kids even when she was there.

The biggest difference between the typical "equal" relationship and ours before the FLR was housework. I never hesitated to do the dishes, I was in charge of washing the laundry (although she put it away most weeks) and I think I swept and vacuumed the floor as much as she did, if not more. Growing up in a house full of children there were always chores to do and so I learned how to do most typical housework and decided early in our marriage to never just leave it all for my wife to do.

What did I think an FLR would be like when I asked her?

I wasn't sure what to expect. If she accepted my request, I wasn't sure how dominant she would be, or even could be. I figured I would do more of the housework (and over time, I've come to do even more than I expected). Right after we started, I washed all the laundry but she still put away the kids' laundry for me when it was washed. Now, I do it all.

I guess I thought, early on, that it would be all kink all the time, despite my assurances to her that it wasn't what I was going to be expecting. It took her a long time to warm up to punishing me, for example. It was more than a year later that she finally felt like she could actually spank me for misbehaving (although as we've found out, that's more of a reward than a punishment). She's only had to really punish me a few times, for particularly bad behavior, and I've never intentionally misbehaved to try to trick her into punishing me. The punishments she has told me about are not the least bit fun -- and she has others that she HASN'T told me about that I hope I never have to learn what they are.

What has changed over the life of our FLR?

Since we started, my list of chores has grown quite a bit. It started with just dishes and making the bed, now I'm responsible for making sure that the whole kitchen is cleaned every day, that our bed is made before noon, that the kids are up and dressed and eating breakfast by a reasonable time (depending on what we have going on that day) and my cat is taken care of. I'm also responsible for keeping on top of the garbage in all the cans in the house -- if they are getting full, I should get them taken out before she notices how full they are.

Our personal relationship has also changed a lot. I've learned to open up to her more, and more easily. I've learned to not be ashamed of how I'm feeling or to worry about dumping my feelings on her. While I've always been a great listener, I've not always been the best talker and it's taken a lot of coaxing to get me to open up to her more.

What are my day-to-day responsibilities?

I have to make sure that our bed is made before noon, but ideally as soon as she gets up.

I have to get my son up, dressed, and to school on time every morning. I also get him from school most days unless work prevents me from doing so.

I have to get the dishes done. Most days we've used enough dishes that there is at least one full load, but the counters need to be cleared off by the end of the day regardless. If they are not, I have to have asked for extra time and there has to be a reason that I could not get them done during the day (out of the house all day, running errands all evening, etc).

I have to actively help with the baby after I'm done working. Not just hang out and leave her until she cries, but I need to be on top of what she needs and make sure she is fed, changed, gets her naps in and I play with her. This takes the burden of taking care of the kids all day off my wife and gives her some much needed rest every evening.

I also try to make sure I spend some time with my wife every day. Whether it's watching shows at night after the kids have gone to bed or cuddling with her when we finally get some alone time when we go to bed, I try to make sure there is some special time that's just for her every day. I've been doing much better on this the past few weeks and it has showed, it's been very easy to feel close to her and spending time with her makes me want to spend more time with her.